in a dream
i had a brother
a tiny screaming baby brother
he wouldn't eat
not for my father and not for my mother
though he belonged only to one of them
i held him in my arms
tiny and screaming and alive
and he ate for me
but while he ate i sobbed
because i knew in my gut
he would not make it
he died when he was 14 or 15
his teenage self watched as i coaxed him to drink
he knew he wouldn't make it either
he died when he was 14 or 15
it was on the news
I walked today feeling heavy
mourning a brother I never had
At work and school I thought of him
tiny and screaming in my arms
I feel empty
Empty all over
in my bones
in my gut
in my throat
He is gone
He was never here
but where he should be is empty
he never existed at all
but he should be
tiny and screaming in my arms
Feb 13, 2024
Feb 13, 2024 at 9:51 PM UTC
Me (11)
quiet, afraid
hoping, praying, surviving
church, trap, school, free
learning, teaching, thriving
quiet, brave
Me (22)
Sep 6, 2023
Sep 6, 2023 at 6:52 PM UTC
September is here
so so cold in the morning
but then so so hot
Sep 6, 2023
Sep 6, 2023 at 6:39 PM UTC
I feel like crying
The kindergartners writing
Is the cutest thing
Sep 6, 2023
Sep 6, 2023 at 6:38 PM UTC
back and forth
up and down
in and out
side to side
only extremes
and that weird middle space between
no way to tell when the limit arrives.
the goods are really good
the bads are really bad
and everything in between is
chaos.
you wonder when it will end
you never know for sure.
it doesn't slow down first
just slams and jerks.
your insides get all mixed up
then you are heading the opposite direction.
you can't tell if you are being pulled
or falling
May 2, 2022
May 2, 2022 at 2:11 AM UTC
There is a place
A big, cold, empty space
Between my body and me
And there is a place
A thin, fuzzy space
Between my body
And the rest of the world.
Sometimes I fall into the spaces
And I don't know how to pull myself out.
When I fall into the big
The cold
The empty
I feel like there isn't any gravity
Or air
And I'm floating away from my ship
Without a tether or anything
And I don't know how to get back
Somehow I always do.
When I fall into the thin
The fuzzy in-between
That stops me from feeling the world the way it really is
Everything is way too bright
And I can't see anything
Or it's way too dull
And I can't see anything
And it's so loud that I can't decipher the words
Or it's so quiet that I can't even hear them at all
Nothing smells like anything, or it smells like everything
Nothing tastes right, everything feels shifted to the side a bit
Like I'm in a dream.
I don't know how to get out of that space either
But it never lasts forever
At least it hasn't yet
Apr 8, 2022
Apr 8, 2022 at 5:54 PM UTC
I don't feel strong
I don't feel brave
I feel tight in my throat
I don't feel warm
I don't feel safe
I feel like I'm falling apart
Apr 7, 2022
Apr 7, 2022 at 1:54 PM UTC
words. poetry. art.
I used to believe that poetry needed to have a steady even flow
That it needed to tumble out and down like water in a stream
moving and moving and moving
constantly
consistantly
but
I realized
that words
and
art
can be
chunky
blocky
there can be pauses
...
and spaces
and things can be repeated without needing to be
Apr 7, 2022
Apr 7, 2022 at 1:54 PM UTC
I'm gone all the time now.
Not all the time.
But it feels like all the time.
I think I'm here
And I'm doing things
And then I **** back into focus
And I've been gone a long, long time
Where did I go?
Why can't I feel when I start slipping away?
I can only feel when I'm pulled back to the surface
And not when I begin to sink
But I don't go anywhere.
But I'm gone.
I'm gone.
Apr 7, 2022
Apr 7, 2022 at 1:53 PM UTC
sour
strange
kind of fizzy
I thought I despised them
until
you told me they were your favorite
and now I don't look at them the same
they taste different now
better
I think they are my favorites too
Mar 14, 2022
Mar 14, 2022 at 1:38 AM UTC