Perhaps all along I was the addict that I tried so desperately tried to avoid.
You were a drug and I was the abuser.
Although you carried all the harm and potential threat
I still consumed you like a child does Halloween candy
rather than teeth, you rotted my self worth.
Yet I am still addicted to you?
Sep 24, 2022
Sep 24, 2022 at 7:07 PM UTC
I always had a nervous habit of talking too much;
What should I tell others about myself and what was meant to be kept to myself never quite made sense to me.
I want to have clear communication with any and all who interacted with me but it left me with no one to converse with.
Was I a problem I and others couldn’t resolve or was I simply a textbook others didn’t wish to read at all?
Have my words slowly started to mean nothing to myself as well, is that why I can no longer hear my voice in my own thoughts?
It's as though I have drowned out the girl who wanted to understand and experience all and have decorated her corpse with someone so incompetent of meaning or purpose.
Maybe being happier has taught
me I don’t need to overthink…
No, I am simply unable to have a solid thought without starving my brain of needed and well deserved sleep.
Sometimes I miss the intense beauty things had when I was unhappy.
Sep 12, 2022
Sep 12, 2022 at 5:51 AM UTC
We the strays look each other in the eyes and don't see straight through, but we see you; We live realistically and only see what you make visible.
We the strays don't look for flaws, but ways we can improve.
WE the strays are a pact, we won't leave for a pity performance.
I as a stray dance to the tune of your heart beat.
You as a stray mimic my movements in synch.
We as stays have made our feet sore with the pulse of our own song.
<3
Jan 6, 2018
Jan 6, 2018 at 1:38 AM UTC
I'm not hungry. I'm not sad. I'm not cold hearted.
I'm Starving. I'm devastated. I'm afraid of getting too close and losing everything.
Jul 13, 2017
Jul 13, 2017 at 7:47 PM UTC
You don't know me yet, but maybe you will..
you don't see dont see me yet, but you may as well.
the more and more I see you the more and more I wanna be you.
you're everything I wish to be, but you are not me!
Jun 16, 2017
Jun 16, 2017 at 5:31 PM UTC
my faith is being torn, not by those of unholy, but of thoughts in my head. the thoughts of sinful words and sinful actions.
the thoughts of lustful intention, of those too close to hurt, and too far to touch.
the thoughts hurting no one but myself, because the light blinds me to where I myself can not see the dark sins that lay before me.
The sins of ****** and theft can no longer be seen, because with a holy; blinding light that I as a child could only see as a gift. I have grown and now see that that light was not a gift but a distraction to the evil that does exist, not only to ensure the devil can use the most helpless to the most independent, but he could use me; that terrifying fact leans me back to the book i once hated to read.
the one of tales of greatness and yes even death, because even Jesus himself was murdered for being hated or being a threat, just as did Abel. restore my faith in one that god has dissembled be forth a angel, a hope to save me once more.
May 22, 2017
May 22, 2017 at 12:13 AM UTC
I want to take back on words I have said, the one I still do, and I know I will always say. to the words that made me choke to the ones that make me afraid to speak at all
the one I mostly say to the wrong people, to you. I wish I knew a different language to where I can no longer harm you. I have sat here for so long watching the clock turn thinking of what to say before I say nothing at all. to thinking of you to daydreaming about another problem because focusing has become a wish that no one can grant. your smile will show in my thoughts but only when I see you. I cant stand the thought of loosing you, but i don't have jealousy, but don't confuse that for me not caring, I care for you with all my heart, all of it. I have learned to hate eye contact with you it feels like a retreat of forgetting what we had before, but we never had anything to begin with, other than a one sided loved, with your walls built up.
May 18, 2017
May 18, 2017 at 12:24 PM UTC
a pitter, patter of my feet on gravel of the drive way you once stood.
no matter what you name can not be shook, your smile that shines, and
memories that fade, for you will never be forgotten. love and happiness that
I wish to bring, but you are far to gone, for me to reach... We love you
and everything you left behind... joy to you in you sleep, hope you rest
in peace.
May 15, 2017
May 15, 2017 at 12:10 AM UTC
I'm obsessed In the learning of this culture. The one of spirits, demons, gods, and angels. The one of beauty and standards, of secrets and ruins. The stories of cats, and mice, and how their stories met. From the dragons and silk, that wrapped around the bodies of your women, to the hope, and destruction that you brought, I am in love with your culture.
May 12, 2017
May 12, 2017 at 5:02 PM UTC
I haven't said this in a long time, I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I said those things I lied before, I lied and said I loved you, but I don't really love you do I? I'm infatuated with the thought of you, how perfect you are, how you always get your way, I've always envied you and that's why I thought I loved you... But now I know I don't until it hits the end of the tick of the last tick on the clock I will always fell deeply infatuated with you.
May 11, 2017
May 11, 2017 at 10:45 AM UTC