I still think of you every ******* day
The sight of you weeps over into my eyes
I spin the record fighting the demon dwelling up inside
My stomach twirls and my lungs clutch
And I can't help but think how horrible I am
Because I now have someone who makes it all easy
Makes the days float by like he shifts time and stops the meaning of-
and I can't help but ask myself why you still are sprayed into my ******* eyes
I am so ******* tired of this feeling. It breaks down my barrier and cuts to the bone
So deep that I've lost myself because I've accepted that it is over
But my heart can't seem to forgive you, or forgive myself -
For everything that I became when you flaunted your teeth and closed the door
And ever since then apart of me has been dead-
And for that-
I still ******* hate this feeling that overcomes my entire being every time I am reminded of you.
Cynical ***** I have become-
I honestly just no longer give a ****
Not even about this ****** piece of scribble-
I guess it is a good thing it is summer
Adderall, ******* Marijuana, Tobacco
The record no longer soothes the numbing feeling
And Radiohead only screams back your name.
**** you and this ******* feeling.
Jun 10, 2013
Jun 10, 2013 at 7:16 PM UTC
Here I am back to this lonely hole, an empty white page
it is so comforting, so familiar
yet I cringe at the pain and the throbbing memories
that pump through my veins and rebuild themselves
I've wanted for so long to be loved like no other,
No comparison, no second thoughts
No doubt
Only love
I've longed for someone who understands without the whisper or scream
One who seeks comfort in my silence
One who grasps how contagious and infectious
and how ******* destructive my mind can be
One who understands the duplication of these cancerous thoughts
that lurk about the sunshine as it bleeds through the window and screams on the radio
all hoping for new beginnings and some sort of happiness
Changing your never ending path that you continue to walk
This path in which I walk has only been filled with traps and holes
I fall and get caught, and try to scrape off the dirt and deal with the pain
I want to be hopeful and believe in something more,
something so much more than these bitter disappointments
I tell myself not to dwell, this is a constant reminder
not to constantly acknowledge the ghosts that lurk and follow
upon the path at which I walk.
I tell myself that I have to be okay with walking this path alone
That good things come to those who wait,
or maybe that too is a trap
I am filled with so much doubt, running in a circle
like a mouse ignorant of the box in which it is contained
constantly running down this never ending path.
Mar 18, 2013
Mar 18, 2013 at 1:43 AM UTC
The drip of the ink
mocks the silent screams
that are crushed and sink
Deep down to the depths of the sea
The cold chills to the bone
that quivers the structure of my knees
It unlocks the vault filled with the stacks
Of the harbored wounds
That are beginning to make me crack.
Dec 12, 2012
Dec 12, 2012 at 5:13 PM UTC
I am stuck
Stuck in a world
A world in which I do not belong
Fish out of water
Flopping around
Gasping for air
Cringing at the light
Suffocated by society
Dec 12, 2012
Dec 12, 2012 at 5:12 PM UTC
I fear exposure
Weakening towards death
An open wound
Dec 12, 2012
Dec 12, 2012 at 5:12 PM UTC
My heart pounds
at the beat of the drum
the weight of the stick
thrusting against the symbols
the vibrations hallowing out my insides
weakening the core, releasing the vibrato
The strings of the guitar
puppet my motion, igniting my being
physical but immobile to the sweet sound
casting the reflections of the shadows of my soul
I stand tall, mocking the vocal stick
Numb to the sounds that are screaming
and singing deep within my soul
The lyrics spit out without effort
though are silenced, and chained
And composed upon the spinning record
Dec 12, 2012
Dec 12, 2012 at 5:11 PM UTC
Some days I feel like I do today
itching, aching, craving,
for something more
to be apart of something
Something, so much more
Some days became a one day
the one day I met you
and that some day, became the day
the day you smiled,
melting the days which began to slowly,
yet consistently pour into one another
Some days the sight of you
consumes my entire being
your existence grabs ahold of mine
twisting and tightening my organs
Some days I can’t help but laugh
because this nervous feeling
reminds me of how pathetic and silly
my mind can really be, But you,
You have something of mine
Some days I can’t explain
what you do to me
I smile and nod trying so hard to hide
and fight the rushing blood
that fills my cheeks
blooming at the thought of you
Some days I have to remind myself
to breathe and take each moment
for exactly what it is
and to not stumble and fall
when you walk through that door
Some days I question why you,
you have such a strong hold on me,
a hold that soothes back to childhood
of the girls with their secrets,
and the boys with their taunts,
chasing one another on the playground
Dec 12, 2012
Dec 12, 2012 at 5:11 PM UTC
Today I am silent
and at ease
with the lifeless voices
that echo
through these four walls
Today I am comfortable with being alone
and facing all the demons
that dwell deep within
these four walls
Today I feel free
from all the troubles
that life has handed me
Today I laugh
as I look out
The mountains and trees
recognize me
They smile back as I thank them
for their beauty and insight
Today I reflect on the past
So many lessons, so many obstacles
They build the blocks
that stand the tower strong
but weaken
behind these four walls
Today I address the present
and welcome the thoughts
that cloud ones mind
They bring about new wonders
That only time can unfold
Today I dream of the future
And all of the unknowns it holds
It fills me with excitement and anxiety
A fire and ice
A black hole
Today I am happy
with just being free
with what urks
deep inside of me
Today these four walls
remind me
to take these moments and
appreciate ones unique perspective
of their reality.
Dec 12, 2012
Dec 12, 2012 at 5:10 PM UTC
The rain sings as it braces my skin
Its sweet, soft touch
Clings to my concept of being
It rushes over me
Hit by a freight train
Chilling to the very nerve
It pounds to the ground
screaming of its existence
scrubbing over
every last inch
of life’s impurities
It mocks my heart
Down to the center core,
Destruction,
Innocence
Its intent,
Its power,
unknown-
Oct 11, 2012
Oct 11, 2012 at 5:39 PM UTC
She twists the **** of the door
the wood creaks of her arrival
He glances towards her
Questioning her sanity,
How could she come back for more?
He asked her to leave,
She refused
He chose to try and ignore
the girl who implanted
Such a ****** sore
That clutched his heart
Down to his center core
She sobbed at the sight of him
And her memories of their explosions,
bare upon the floor
The memories of holding him,
peacefully by the sea shore
She stood there
Awaiting for what he had in store
Deep within his conundrum
Little did they know,
This was only,
The prewar
Oct 8, 2012
Oct 8, 2012 at 2:21 AM UTC