my lips have been glued,
my hands have been tied.
i'm told to keep quiet,
but would it matter if i died?
everyone wants me to forget,
to move on like it's easy.
but that's not how it works,
can anyone even see me?
i went through a hell
so deep and real.
why can't anyone grasp,
that perhaps i need help to heal?
**** everyone,
**** what they think.
they are all the reason
i need drugs to sleep.
i never asked for my life
to become this dark.
i used to be so alive,
now, every day, i fall apart.
something is missing,
although it's not him.
he can't replace what i once felt,
my heart will never win.
Oct 25, 2019
Oct 25, 2019 at 2:04 PM UTC
i'm locking my heart
in a square shaped box.
nothing pretty,
for i don't deserve it.
i've given my heart
to the monster under my bed,
the boogie man who haunts my dreams.
he has dark eyes
and a twisted smile,
along with every pretty word
designed to make a girl melt.
but the beast was a trickster,
a demon with cruel games.
he wanted my heart,
along with my soul,
my life,
i nearly lost my last name.
but my monster threw me down,
spit, swore, called names,
strangled my breath away.
all i had before was shattered,
the broken pieces
of who i used to be,
scattered, lost, dead to him,
dead to me.
blackness filled my lungs
like a poison.
i longed to heal him,
take his darkness away
so that he may live as a mortal man.
he wanted to remain
untouchable, unstoppable,
and my poor heart couldn't stay.
i carved it out of my chest
to lock it up for good,
keep it far away from any being,
so that i may save it
for the monster under my bed
when he returns,
and i pray that he should.
Oct 25, 2019
Oct 25, 2019 at 1:14 PM UTC
he's always watching
threatening
exposing
talking.
spiking my anxiety.
i thought i had been through hell,
but he was Death,
cloaked in honey to mask the toxicity.
his handprints are burned
into my arm
around my neck
my side.
my stress made me skin and bones,
he was grateful,
for no more eyes would meet mine.
the shattered memories
sit still in Death's yard,
unmoved
ignored
but nowhere near unharmed.
he stalks.
he listens.
he cries that he misses me,
convinced himself he's in love,
convinced me i am nothing.
it's not me he longs for,
it's all manipulation
thirst for power
abuse
fear
but never for anyone to see
anything close to the beast underneath.
the honey dried up,
crumbled away,
the night he threw me down and cursed me,
yet got me to stay.
Death haunts me each day i continue to exist,
breathe
move
try.
try to overcome,
but nothing can mend while he's looking
searching
waiting
no, nothing can lift me from what i've become.
he begs me to return
to his box
his hideaway
his trap.
every day, i remind Death,
i am never going back.
he may wait and he may beg
but i am not a prize.
you cannot win me
gain me
take me
use me
now that i see with living eyes.
Aug 1, 2019
Aug 1, 2019 at 1:57 AM UTC
What do I do
When I miss you?
Where do I put
All this pain?
What do I say
When they ask me,
Ask me if I'm okay.
Because, I'm not,
And I won't be,
Until you're back here.
But you're gone,
And I miss you.
What do I do
With all this fear?
May 9, 2018
May 9, 2018 at 3:18 PM UTC
Drug me up,
Because one pill
Is never enough.
Stuff me full,
Make me numb,
So the darkness stays within.
You hate my emotions,
So you take them
All away.
Keep me silent,
Compliant,
So that,
In my head,
They'll stay.
Mar 16, 2018
Mar 16, 2018 at 11:51 PM UTC
I'm going insane,
Out of my mind.
Maybe it's the lack of sleep,
Maybe it's your eyes.
I feel my lungs shaking,
I'm so tired
Of my heart aching.
Feb 27, 2018
Feb 27, 2018 at 12:58 AM UTC
You're the reason I'm up so late,
You're the reason I can't sleep.
You're always walking through my thoughts,
Making me question
My every move...
Making me weak.
I never want to admit
These sad things that are true,
But every single night,
Before I sleep,
Before I slip into that state,
I'm thinking about you.
Feb 26, 2018
Feb 26, 2018 at 9:46 PM UTC
I'm trying so hard,
I just want to be seen.
It's not easy
When you're stuck in between.
Between wanting to be with you,
And not knowing
What you want.
I know that what I want
Is to be yours,
For you to be mine.
Can it just be that simple,
Even after we haven't talked
All this time?
Be with me,
Show your true colors.
I won't judge,
I won't mock you,
I don't see like some others.
I see more than your face,
I see into your heart.
I'm trying my best,
But we're a million
Worlds apart.
So,
What the hell are we doing?
Feb 26, 2018
Feb 26, 2018 at 1:40 PM UTC
I'm floating.
The ocean mist in my face,
The sun in my eyes.
I feel nothing.
No pain,
No suffering,
I'm away from all the lies.
My cloud floats
Away from the sea,
Towards mountains
And forests;
I get lost in the trees.
Lost in a world
Where no one hears me scream.
Lost,
But found.
I step down,
Feel the earth,
Taste the air and the breeze.
I run far away,
Away from the trees.
I see where I've been,
Where I wish I could be.
Maybe, here,
I can be my own tree.
I stop growing.
I can't hear the world,
It doesn't need me anymore.
Somewhere distant,
I hear someone open a door.
My name is called...
I walk into the cold.
Put on a smile,
Play fake happy.
I'm good at doing what I'm told.
Feb 25, 2018
Feb 25, 2018 at 10:54 PM UTC
My mind can't stay focused;
You're everywhere.
You're the water,
You're the earth,
You're the wind in my hair.
My bones are suffocating,
Wrapped tight in vines and thorns.
You were my guardian angel...
But I've been wounded.
Now, I can see your horns
Feb 25, 2018
Feb 25, 2018 at 8:24 PM UTC