I don’t recognize myself anymore, I’m like a stranger in unfamiliar skin.
My aura has changed and I feel quite scary, like I was replaced with someone new.
I gave all of myself to people who didn’t deserve it.
I’m there for people who don’t deserve it.
I’d find a way to climb up into the sky to grab the stars if they asked.
I climbed into the sky and grabbed the moon when they asked.
I did and did and did.
I do and do and do.
I gave the best parts of myself to people who hurt me.
I give all the parts of myself to people who hurt me.
I don’t recognize myself anymore, I’m like a stranger in unfamiliar skin.
I’m sad and I can’t feel the sad because I am numb.
I gave and gave and gave and now I am a shell.
A hollow shell in the sand that keeps getting tossed back and forth by the waves.
Maybe one day I’ll learn.
Maybe things will change.
Maybe they won’t.
Maybe I just like the pain.
Jun 25, 2021
Jun 25, 2021 at 5:34 AM UTC
Since I was a child, I’ve been used to disappointment.
I’ve been used to broken promises, getting my
hopes up.
Always let down easy.
Used to people leaving.
Everybody hurts some way somehow.
Dec 10, 2020
Dec 10, 2020 at 7:54 PM UTC
I hate people so much, yet one of my biggest fears is being alone.
Dec 9, 2020
Dec 9, 2020 at 4:40 AM UTC
You didn’t give a **** about me, but you really had me thinking you gave a **** about me.
Dug yourself into my guts and made yourself at home.
When I was crying all you did was leave me alone, wouldn’t even answer when I’d text your phone.
I slammed your car door and walked up the block and you still didn’t give a ****
I sat on the ground, on the cold cement with my face in my hands after you told me all the lies you hid.
I said goodbye to you for the last time, walked around the neighborhood yelling aloud to nobody and nothing.
Got home an hour later and abused the skin of my leg with whatever I could find.
Blood dripping from my skin and you still didn’t give a ****
You never gave a ****
Dec 8, 2020
Dec 8, 2020 at 9:52 PM UTC
Hey All!
I haven’t written in quite some time, but as of lately it’s really hitting me how badly I want to get my poetry out there.
If anyone knows any publishers or websites that publishers check other than this site, please leave a reply.
Thanks!
Nov 22, 2020
Nov 22, 2020 at 8:19 PM UTC
This beer in my throat,
colder than my ex’s heart,
while I lay strung out in a new lovers
arms.
Jul 29, 2018
Jul 29, 2018 at 2:23 AM UTC
I’ve been rooted with depression since I was born.
I never knew what it was, but I could feel the sadness and shame engulf my small body every time I heard that voice.
My dad, a shadow I occasionally saw on the walls, always fading down the hall.
Mom, trying to keep it all together for two girls she’d struggle to raise on her own.
The lies we were spoon fed about our father before we could even talk.
The mental and emotional abuse of the years that would follow from the person who raised me.
Afraid to be true to myself because I was told that everything I did was wrong, that I was dumb.
Asking questions I felt were important to me because anxiety and ocd rooted their way into my body before I was even a teen.
Learning to mask my feelings and emotions from that voice because I didn’t want to feel like there was something wrong with me.
I didn’t want you to see that there was something wrong with me.
Jul 3, 2018
Jul 3, 2018 at 10:57 PM UTC
It doesn't take back all the unforgiving words I've said, while I stand beneath the scorching water of the shower head.
Gentle kisses to my skin, a sting that feeds my adrenaline.
I'm just a stupid moth being drawn to the flame.
I get hurt, yet I still play the game.
She uses me and makes me feel empty.
I'm living in the carved out body of the person I used to be.
The mask I wear perceives the illusion that I am happy.
The loneliest I've ever felt when I hold her body in my hand.
Every night, she lures me into her trap like quicksand.
And I bleed for her again.
Mar 31, 2018
Mar 31, 2018 at 5:11 AM UTC
I've come to terms and accepted that I will never be okay.
I've tried to dismiss every harsh word my mouth begins to say.
The screams and words that my brain bleeds convinces me to hurt.
He thinks that I'm unhappy, that his love can save me.
But he doesn’t know about all the nights I spend in agony.
He doesn’t know how many nights I cry to the unforgiven moon.
Insomnia, a sharp pinch upon my dreams while she rocks me harshly to sleep.
Her lullaby’s the sound of my fast heartbeat.
Anxiety doesn’t go away even after we’re asleep.
She robs me of my dreams and takes me to a place I’ve seen too many times.
She lies and she disguises her lies with whys.
She blames and she shames until I’m convinced that she is right.
Day after day, I give in to her games and she wins every time.
She takes me out to the deep end knowing I want to die.
Yet I kick my arms and legs.
And swim.
Jan 6, 2018
Jan 6, 2018 at 11:44 PM UTC
self harm is only washing your hands with cold water
crossing the street without looking for cars
touching hot pans because you want them to burn
staying up late and depriving yourself of sleep because you don’t deserve it
self harm is hearing you say violent things to me and not caring
because I deserve to hear them and I believe you when you say them
Jan 5, 2018
Jan 5, 2018 at 6:57 AM UTC