When I first heard about the concept of love
All I was taught
Was overwhelming
heart-pumping
lips quivering
speech stuttering
palms sweating
mind boggling
Love.
No one bothered to say a word about
Lust.
about how attraction
did not always mean
Love.
I started throwing away good things because
I was underwhelmed
My heart was keeping a pretty steady pace
My lips were plastered in a smile
My speech was as smooth as the sea
My palms were closer to the Sahara than the Mediterranean
And my mind,
well, my mind was wondering what do I do next?
My mind was categorizing this man as
a friend.
Because for some reason
I am not allowed to have control of myself
while I am talking to a male I am attracted to
For some reason
he has to make me feel a certain type of way
in order to be someone I love.
For some reason
this was the only way to know
who I was in love with.
The truth is,
that man ,
the one who clearly wasn't my soul mate,
is now my best friend
the love of my life.
Feb 9, 2015
Feb 9, 2015 at 7:51 PM UTC
You forced yourself on me
That is a fact
You knew I didn't want it
That is a fact
Despite my weak arms attempting
With all their power
To push you off of me
You kept trying
And that is a fact
You said it was okay
This is a fact
But my question is:
Okay for who?
Despite our previous discussions
You continued to pin me down
And didn't stop
Until someone else found us
And tore you off of me.
These are all facts.
But when it comes down to it
My friends think we just hooked up
They believe it was enjoyable for me
Because there were only three people in that room that night
Only three people who know
The facts.
Dec 7, 2014
Dec 7, 2014 at 9:27 PM UTC
The way your hand meets mine
It's not the way I want
I need
But it still makes me smile.
I'm starting to think
Smiling isn't always enough
However;
What if there is nothing more for me
Than smiling through life
What if this mask I'm wearing
I can just keep on forever
Leading a mediocre life
Of nothing but you.
Part of me is okay with that
But that's what scares me the most.
Oct 19, 2014
Oct 19, 2014 at 11:28 PM UTC
Just because I can't write a poem about you,
Does that mean I don't l
Oct 14, 2014
Oct 14, 2014 at 11:20 PM UTC
There are a lot of things to do when sad:
watch movies
stay in bed all day
write
but the one that always makes me think
is the music I choose to listen to
the music without words
without lyrics to convey emotion
you can listen to it for hours
it might not change your mood
but you can do it
without faking a smile
or bursting into tears
we fall into this trap of just feeling okay
and thinking thats enough
"at least I'm not crying"
well you aren't smiling either
or enjoying life
but no one has found a cure
no passage out
so on I will continue
feeling quite mediocre
Sep 23, 2014
Sep 23, 2014 at 4:40 PM UTC
I looked through all 182 pages of my life
but i couldn't find what i was looking for
All the pages that were about things I loved
That boy I loved
are now just sad memories of the past
and that one year when all my friends left
You were there
and helped me get through
but now I'm losing you
just like the rest of them
I tried to explain that one sick relationship
(if you could call it that)
and all I came up with was
I was stupid
however
I continue to make the same mistakes
maybe I am stupid
I saw the pages about that retreat I went on
Remember when I changed peoples lives?
Now that all means nothing
Now I'm just right where i started
Alone and sad
Awake in bed at night thinking
Where is that thing I am searching for?
Sep 23, 2014
Sep 23, 2014 at 4:37 PM UTC
There are some things better kept unsaid.
The extra drink you snuck to help you fall asleep
All of the happiness in the world
Wouldn't help you forget
But that one drink,
Perhaps with just a little more liquid anesthetic
Than you would see in a bar
That drink will numb you
Just long enough to allow your eyes to close
Hopefully without the tears
This time.
Jul 7, 2014
Jul 7, 2014 at 10:55 PM UTC
That one time we were kissing
And the cross around my neck
Started to interfere.
I should have known.
But instead I let you tell me to take it off
And I complied.
And that cross wasn't the only thing I took off.
Jun 2, 2014
Jun 2, 2014 at 1:48 AM UTC
I stood there with you in the cold
Your jacket enveloped me
I had to roll up the sleeve just to interlock my fingers with yours
You notice my hand starting to freeze
And it only made you hang on tighter
You stand by my side the entire night
Chatting as if we have known each other our whole lives
I tried to leave you
to see if you would follow
It turns out
The few seconds apart were the worst of the night
You walk around introducing me as my girl
I wonder if you really mean what you say
I wish I could call myself your girl
Your shaking hand grasps my stray hairs
Delicately placing them behind my ear.
I taste your lips against mine
And suddenly our surroundings disappear
I don't know how you do it
Make me feel so loved and wanted
Without actually loving (maybe just wanting) me
I know this started out
As a one night thing
But here we are 4 months later
Me wanting you
to love me.
May 6, 2014
May 6, 2014 at 12:58 AM UTC
You said see you later
but all I heard was goodbye
I let myself cry every night
I was scared to leave for school
Fear of crying in front of someone you've just met
Everyone was rooting for us
and you let me leave
You let me let go
You let me move on
I tried to find someone to replace you
a new best friend
a new lover
I wound up with fake smiles
unknown names
a pregnancy scare
I was fake
I wasn't real
I was used
I was the girl i used to be
I was the worst version of me
I can't let you back in
because you don't want this version of me
You don't want fake
You don't want unreal
You don't want used
You want me back now
but you don't know me like this
You wouldn't want this
So now I have to say goodbye
because I care about you enough to know you deserve more than this
because I love you
if only you wouldn't have said see you later
this wouldn't be goodbye
May 5, 2014
May 5, 2014 at 10:33 PM UTC