And it's back.
The all too familiar darkness is now creeping into my mind.
No thanks to you,
Of course.
I was okay.
I really was.
But I make one decision for myself and you had to throw me back to it;
The unforgiving darkness that will slowly,
But surely,
Rip me into pieces that I just put back together.
Can you not get it through your thick mind that you only make it worse?
I tell you that the darkness has left,
But you continue to question my judgement of my own mental health.
So much so that I start to question it myself.
I question everything that I believe.
Maybe I'm just lying to myself to hide how terrible I feel.
Even if I am lying to myself,
It's better than facing the fact that I am messed up inside.
I need help that I cannot get.
So why bother acknowledging something I cannot change?
Ignorance truly is bliss.
Aug 10, 2014
Aug 10, 2014 at 9:33 PM UTC
Every second soaked in silence.
Every portrait smeared with blood.
The message is shown.
Clearer than the tears that stain my face,
But more vague than my emotions,
Jumbled around in the empty, unforgiving abyss of my mind.
It is written in a language only able to be deciphered by those who have felt the pain of one thousand knives in their heart.
Those who have felt the pain of their own mind,
Tearing them limb from limb with mere thoughts.
The message is this:
Stop just existing.
Live.
Take chances.
Abandon your comfort zone.
That's how life is supposed to be lived.
Not wallowing in your sorrows.
I know it's hard.
Believe me,
I know.
But believe me in this too,
It's worth it.
Apr 21, 2014
Apr 21, 2014 at 7:09 PM UTC
Everything I do,
I do without thinking.
Blinded by the rage that you caused.
Making rash decisions,
Guided by the thought
Of anything that could cause you pain.
I have so much hatered for you it's unbelievable.
I have never hated anyone as much as I hate you.
All you do is lie.
You have hurt so many others.
It's time for someone to hurt you.
Jan 28, 2014
Jan 28, 2014 at 4:46 PM UTC
Lately,
I've been catching myself fantasizing about my death.
When?
Where?
How?
Will I feel pain?
Or be flushed with emotions?
Will it be quick?
Or long and torturous?
How will people react?
Will they care?
How long will they mourn me before moving on with their lives?
Who will tell you that I'm gone?
Will you go to my funeral?
Will you cry?
Will you grieve?
Or will it not have any effect on you?
These are the questions I ask myself daily.
Just searching for answers.
Jan 26, 2014
Jan 26, 2014 at 12:12 PM UTC
I hope
I hope so much
That you don't find these poems.
I don't want you to know everything.
I don't want you to know my secrets.
I don't want you to know all the things I never told you.
I don't want to hurt you more than you already are.
I don't want you to have pity in your eyes when you look at me.
And mostly,
I don't want you to see me,
The way I see myself.
Jan 22, 2014
Jan 22, 2014 at 8:04 PM UTC
I just walk away.
My expression emotionless.
But behind closed doors,
I let the tears fall from my eyes.
A well needed rain during the drought.
A million thoughts
Jumbled together in my head.
One thought comes through the strongest.
Get it.
Anything
Sharp.
Open your skin.
Let those cruel words out with the blood that is shed.
And just let yourself
Fade away
Into the empty abyss of numbness.
Jan 16, 2014
Jan 16, 2014 at 7:23 PM UTC
I get it now.
I understand why I am so alone.
I am always negative,
Looking for the bad in things.
I am disturbed,
Laughing at others' pain.
I am weird,
Thinking much differently than everyone else.
I am judgemental,
Picking apart everyone,
Pointing out their flaws.
And lastly,
I am cold.
So cold that everyone I touch,
Leaves.
Because they are
Frost bitten.
Jan 15, 2014
Jan 15, 2014 at 8:25 PM UTC
I hate this.
This shell,
Littered with scars and bruises,
That I am forced to dwell in.
It is so weak.
It can be broken and battered so easily.
I just want to be free of it.
My soul wants to roam this retched place
Without a worthless body slowing it down.
But alas,
I am still stuck.
Forced to suffer in this shell,
Until I am pure enough,
To be released into a state of bliss.
Jan 12, 2014
Jan 12, 2014 at 9:33 PM UTC
With shaking hands,
And my vision blurred by tears,
I write a note,
To you,
To him,
To her,
To everyone.
I write,
How I wish you'd remember me,
As a bright,
Happy soul.
Not dark and withered,
As I have become.
Remember my smile when I laugh.
Not my eyes when I cry.
Remember my goofy faces.
Not my emotionless expressions.
Remember me dancing like a fool.
Not sitting alone on the side.
This is my dying wish.
Just please,
Please
Remember.
Jan 11, 2014
Jan 11, 2014 at 7:32 PM UTC
With a heavy heart,
And sad eyes,
She tells me that it's true.
I can live in this world no longer.
A world without you.
The sunrise won't have such beautiful,
Vibrant,
Colors.
The tunes the birds sing,
On misty cool mornings,
Will be nails piercing my brain.
The smell of morning coffee,
Will make tears threaten to fall from the horizons of my eyes.
These were our favorite things.
But they aren't as wonderful,
In a world without you.
Jan 9, 2014
Jan 9, 2014 at 9:45 PM UTC