i’ll fixate on you
til my time is due
the waves we swam
and all we’ve been through
is never enough
to unwrite our glue
seasons may shift but I stay the same
through autumn's loss
and winter’s claim
spring may call
and summer too
Yet nothing can pull me
away
from
you.
Mar 8, 2025
Mar 8, 2025 at 12:21 AM UTC
I don’t usually do this
In fact, not at all
These reasons I don't
Is the fear of the fall
But that hunger in your stare,
Your hands interlaced in my hair
Had my heart at a standstill
You've got me at your complete will...
But boy that smile
Beats all these miles
And here I sit
So in love...
You're it
Sep 13, 2018
Sep 13, 2018 at 12:51 AM UTC
She hung on threads of anxiety
Then that last thread was free...
She was finally released
What a difference when the heart was allowed to beat
Completely at peace
Aug 16, 2018
Aug 16, 2018 at 11:16 AM UTC
the leaves fall as they die
the rain when the clouds cry
rose petals fall as the color fades
tears when her heart breaks
stars fall to make her wishes come true
her hair when she undresses you
all of these fall,
just like she falls
for you...
Jun 11, 2018
Jun 11, 2018 at 12:20 PM UTC
Remember staring at the same night sky?
Remember when your touch made her feel alive?
But do you remember when you hurt her heart?
Remember when you tore her apart?
Oh she loved you thoroughly
Yes, you were all she could see
Every let down wedged you both away
Every let down her heart had to pay
Now, she can't gasp out one word
No... she can't even be heard...
She knew you were it
But she can't commit
You give her every excuse in the book
Every hope she had you took
But will you ever truly understand?
The pain she endured when she took your hand...?
She's not going to come out of this the same
Her heart had the bullseye for your aim...
May 7, 2018
May 7, 2018 at 2:45 PM UTC
This isn't a poem, this is written from the heart of a hurting girl...
I am that girl, the pure title, and definition of fearing commitment. The funny thing, it’s the farthest thing I ever want to be.
Deep down I see marriage, 2.5 kids, white picket fences, and all the dogs you’ll let me have. Oh yes, it’s a beautiful future there, yet my so-called “relationships” last maybe a few months, because you throw words out there like love, and moving in together, being my rock and everything I long for. Yeah, I might say those words back, I may play along with what our wedding will look like, and that gorgeous ring that adds a beautiful symbol of commitment on my scrawny little finger and its beautiful because deeply that is what my poor beaten-up heart is yearning for. But instead, those feelings of bliss I so wistfully yearn for are replaced with panic and pure distaste for wanting stick it out and stay by your side.
So, what do I do? I run. I am the star of “Runaway from Stability”. Why? If you could answer that for me and fix me, you would probably be a millionaire and sell lots of books on it. And speaking of books, my shelves are littered with self-help books that only exist to make you think that I read them, but I don’t… I collect literature that fuels my fantasy that there is nothing wrong with me.
I can dig deep down and do the years of therapy for you and blame my father that never wanted me in his life, who constantly let me down... I can blame the fact I am a serial dater due to walking away time and time again... I can blame my mother, who by the way shares the same fear I do, and you could say the apple falls right next to the **** tree. (Love you so much, mom)... You could blame the men (more like “boys”) that promised me the world and broke my heart after all I saw was them in my future.
Yeah, sure the list goes on with who I could “blame”. But the problem still exists that I can’t change, I can’t get attached, I can’t get hurt. Yeah yeah yeah…. Can’t means you won’t, but maybe that is it. Maybe I won’t budge. Maybe I absolutely won't stick it out despite all the right words I know I need to consistently hear.
And you come along, you’re sweet, you’re understanding, you’re that list my best friend told me to make of qualities we've all made throughout our lives after each heartbreak, after each "I am done dating" of qualifications a man must have before you date them.
And you know what?... I like you... So much, I could even say every ounce of me has fallen for you. But that my inner fear comes up like ***** and that's it! There is no chance holding it down…
I don’t think I can ever be the girl with hearts in her eyes that doodles your name all over my notes at work. No, I won’t be… I used to be that girl that was lovesick with an unrealistic crush on someone.
That little girl won’t come back. I miss her, but she’s not there...
Yeah, I am sure you’ve Googled all the articles that tell you how to deal with a “Commitment Phobic Girlfriend” and yeah, I’ve read them too which spiral my mind out of control how to fix myself. My friends all say the same thing, “You’ve got to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with anyone else Bri!” ---insert eye roll--- So far that’s all I got because this really doesn’t make me happy, and maybe that’s it?
Life keeps crumpling me up and spitting me out and I deem myself a pool of chaos, that I am not really wanted if people knew the truth of how broken I am inside, how much I don’t respect myself anymore because of my commitment-phobia-self-proclaimed-title…
I don’t know why I chose to write this article, maybe because I am not the only one? A cry for help? The attention YOU THINK I am wanting... Ha, no...
At least I can hope I am not the only one who struggles with this battle, and I am sure I am not... But why? Why is it that way?
(Heck, maybe a therapist wouldn’t be a bad idea at this point. YAY! Progress! ---insert another eye roll---)
I do know this, despite everything, I have learned the true meaning of love, (Crazy right?!) Because some of you I have run away from, love me, and always will... You've shown it, you've proven it even. And yet STILL, I believe in my heart I am truly unlovable.
To my friends who know the phobia, the constant relationship hopping, you all love me still, and that's hard for me to wrap my head around. You all are my rock, I love you all so very much. And thank you, thank you for not giving up on me in my train-wreck of a life because I could never do this without you.
Apr 17, 2018
Apr 17, 2018 at 3:02 PM UTC
I wish I could be
Someone new, to forget you
Too good to be true?
Jan 24, 2018
Jan 24, 2018 at 12:42 AM UTC
And that’s how I knew my demons were true
When I was alone in my tomb
Surrounded by everything that turned to rot
It was a lonely plague my heart caught
Jan 24, 2018
Jan 24, 2018 at 12:32 AM UTC
Those worlds you hold inside, I wish to explore.
The galaxy that confines of them.
I need to get lost in your stars, as your mind drifts along side mine.
Oct 12, 2017
Oct 12, 2017 at 12:28 AM UTC
You've stolen my heart.
It's no longer mine.
Where have you been all of this time..?
As our lives begin to change, I hope our hearts remain the same.
Until our lips can touch,
Please remember that I love you this much.
Distance isn't forever.
But will my soul forget?
For you love,
The answer is, never...
Mar 12, 2017
Mar 12, 2017 at 4:56 PM UTC