1. You told me I am your everything but that is not a load I want to carry.
2. You ask me to be patient but I have given you so many chances I have none left for myself.
3. You only started treating me decently after you had lost me.
4. My fear of hurting you was what kept me from being able to put myself first.
5. Does chosing my own happiness really make me a bad person?
6. Does it really benefit you to blame me for your friends ditching on you because you became the person you are today?
7. Should I believe your countless mentions of how everything is going wrong and how it is all my fault? Shouldn't you be the one responsible for your own life?
8. I thought moving on would be hard but moving on from someone you don't recognize anymore is surprisingly easy.
9. Is a promise still valid when it was made to a completely different person?
10. Thank you.
Apr 25, 2016
Apr 25, 2016 at 6:09 PM UTC
i'm not quite sure why i am upset i'm not quite sure how my brain works all i know is that last week i was jumping up and down to contain my excitement and a couple of days ago i couldn't stop smiling and yesterday i laughed a lot and this afternoon i had this strange tingly feeling in my stomach that i'm not used to but it felt right and i wanted it to last but i guess happiness doesn't really last because the tingly feeling changed into this gaping hole in my stomach and i have been trying to scratch my skin open and not think of it i really really tried and i don't know why i am upset i only know that i just want to feel anything but what i'm feeling right now.
Mar 12, 2015
Mar 12, 2015 at 4:11 PM UTC
One of my favourite things about poetry is how it can make pain and suffering sound so beautiful. The downside is that this also makes people forget about what is really going on and oblivious to how much hurt there is in the world. They become blinded by the light and forget about the dark. For instance when people comment on how beautiful poetry is, I don't think they realize how broken the writer is, I don't think they realize how broken I am.
I mean, I know we were never really in love - but man, we could have been.
Jan 13, 2015
Jan 13, 2015 at 2:11 PM UTC
you are not a selfish person for feeling sad, neither are you a bad person for the ways you tried to **** your sadness. it took me an unfortunately long time to realize this.
Jan 5, 2015
Jan 5, 2015 at 4:54 PM UTC
I don’t write the things I write because they sound beautiful, I write them because I actually feel and think them and this is my way of getting my thoughts out.
I am so sick of people glorifying selfharm and eating disorders… Honestly this site disgusts me at times, girls thinking they need to be troubled to fit in, that it is cool to stick your fingers in your throat and hug the toilet daily…
no no no
Having your thighs touch does not mean you are fat, it means that your hip structure is wider than others’.
Having scars does not mean you are mysterious and interesting, it means you have secrets, struggles you wanted to get out but couldn’t. Scars are nothing to be proud of, you may be proud of the fact that they are scars and not wounds anymore, but showing them off is just sick.
Please believe me that having a bigger size than your friend doesn’t make you fat, it makes you different. Which is good. There is no such thing as ugly or fat, there is only beauty which has a very wide definition. But the bigger part of that definition goes back to one thing; happiness.
stop glorifying troubles and making it seem cool to have them, you are not a freak if you feel happy, for one, you are lucky. Go ahead and feel happy. Let it scare you, smile so wide your cheeks hurt. That’s what it’s all about.
Dec 22, 2014
Dec 22, 2014 at 5:05 AM UTC
Some days it physically hurts to leave my bed and my brain constantly keeps telling me everything I do is wrong. I call those the dark days.
I've been having trouble lately turning the light back on.
Dec 12, 2014
Dec 12, 2014 at 2:20 AM UTC
But you have the power to make me so happy I swear the beauty of lights reflected by the water is nothing compared to the sparkle of joy you bring to my eyes.
Dec 10, 2014
Dec 10, 2014 at 5:44 PM UTC
1. self-isolation
My mum tells me to leave the house more often and it’s not that I don’t want to it’s just that I can’t because the thought of only doing so makes my knees go weak but she keeps telling me to “just” meet up with friends.
2. not finding joy in what used to make you happy
It’s not that I don’t make plans with friends, because I do, it’s just that I don’t want to because I know that, as soon as I’m out doing things that used to make me happy and are supposed to still make me happy, I will have to pretend that I am, in fact, happy.
And it is exhausting.
3. insomnia
You tell me to sleep more because I look tired as if I am not aware of the bags under my eyes. You do not realise that they feel even worse than they look. You do not know that I am in bed early every single night because I do feel tired I just can’t sleep. Even though I am tired and my body is tired, my brain never is and I have tried reading and taking walks in the middle of the night and listing and counting sheep and insecurities and defeat and crushed wishes and possible ways to die.
4. thinking of death as “nothing big”
What scares most people is what intrigues me. I often find myself considering crossing the road right when a car rushes by or simply jumping out the window when I find myself in high buildings. It’s not that I want to die, it’s more that I am fascinated by how easy it is, opposed to everything else in life.
5. things that are supposed to be easy aren’t so easy any more
The biggest one is getting out of bed, I believe.
I have learned to put my alarm fifteen minutes earlier to let my brain and body accustom to the idea of having to face things that I don’t even know are going to happen. The fear of having to face the unknown is like a constant winter, freezing my throat shut and making breathing a whole lot more difficult than it is supposed to be.
6. being very aware of your breathing and heartbeat
I never noticed how natural breathing was until I started to have trouble doing so. Now it just feels as though my lungs and my heart are in a constant fight to decipher which is the strongest which leaves me in a constant battle of having to focus on my breathing whilst my heart is making me feel as though someone is repeatedly punching me from the inside.
I know none of it makes sense and even if I try to explain it all to you, you will still tell me you don’t understand. But frankly, neither do I.
Being so aware of my breathing and heartbeat also makes me aware of the fact that they are still going, and that is really the only thing that matters in the end.
They are still going.
Dec 8, 2014
Dec 8, 2014 at 6:10 PM UTC
You have to stop looking at me as if I am the only thing your eyes can look at and you'd go mad if you were to look somewhere else because when it comes down to it all you do is run away and leave me behind with my skin burned by your stare.
Nov 30, 2014
Nov 30, 2014 at 4:33 PM UTC
Over time I've learned that happiness is only a temporary thing, and the better you feel the worse the "relapse" is, which kind of really ***** since I'd much rather spend my time feeling as though I am the sun instead of having to hide away because the sun is too bright for me.
Nov 30, 2014
Nov 30, 2014 at 4:29 PM UTC