I'm not here to ask for money or power
I don't want control of the world
Or be the second coming of jesus
Instead
I'll give you everything I own
And more
I'll repent my sins and change my ways
Attend every Sunday service
Give ten percent then another ten
Never question you or life again
I'll volunteer to build a park for poor kids
Shelter the homeless and feed the hungry
I'll go back and right every wrong
Make sure others don't follow the same road
Quit smoking and stop drinking
Become a gym rat and stay away from sugar
I'll even get on my knees to praise you
Refrain from the jokes about you
Spread the word with strangers about you
Then I'll leave an empty space incase you want more
In return all I ask for
Is to help me be half as happy as I was with her
I feel like this is fair and deserving
If you accept I'll never ask for anything again
Wait , I want to change that
Just watch over and keep her protected
Never let her smile fade and make sure she always feel loved
And I'll be fine as long as you can do that
May 17, 2020
May 17, 2020 at 12:52 AM UTC
It's not the sleep I hate
It's the lack of control over my mind
The darkness that makes loneliness shine
It's the movie that replays
I see her at the bottom of a hill
Under the sun looking beautiful
Unbelievable I'm screaming her name
Walk to a jog then a run
I become excited screaming her name as my walk turns into a run
Smiling as she she turns and I see her face
Twenty years of waiting for this
Five steps away but before I could say
I love you mom
She fades away
Wake up in darkness feeling the pain
Nightmares kills dreams
Reality kills hope
Death kills life
Every night I lose you I lose a piece of myself
It's not the sleep I'm looking forward to
It's losing control of my mind
Using the darkness to hide this loneliness
It's the memories of the past and dreaming of tomorrow
It's me standing in a crowded room hearing my name being yelled
Seeing her smiling face as I turn around
It's holding someone so beautiful
Hearing I love you as we embrace
Her perfectly shaped soft lips againest mine
It's how real her touch feels
How completely right this is
It's that feeling that you want to last forever
But as quick as she appeared
She fades away
Leaving me to wake, alone and in pain
To the darkness of loneliness
Reality kills dreams
Life kills hope
Every night I lose you ,I lose a piece of me
Apr 11, 2020
Apr 11, 2020 at 5:00 PM UTC
Empty thoughts from a fragile heart
A step faster then a walk
On the last dirt road
Her way of wanting to get caught
Screaming for help while holding her breathe
How far is to far
Thought of death but that's forever
And forever seems to long
She just needs a short break then comeback strong
It's hard to find drive with no car
Wheels spinning without a mouse
Just a sparkle of sunlight would be nice
She just wanted the simple things
Be a good wife and a mother of two
Not lost and barefoot labeled and shamed
Made mistakes but this punishment seems to long
Alittle of something is not always better then nothing
Turn the blue to black then let the sky fall
At five foot two the order was to tall
Way out of her reach
Throat to dry for her to speak
Eyes to wet for her to see
Half of bag is all she has
Asking herself
Why can't I keep my knees clean
Why do I let these pills control me
Why has everyone turned on me
Whats the point in trying to keep moving on
Save a life and **** me
I'm well aware what the world thinks of me
Here's all your Christmas and birthday gifts that i missed
Giving up the space I been wasting away
Feb 24, 2020
Feb 24, 2020 at 1:11 AM UTC
New day started with the same ways
Same dreams and same needs
Same complaints and same beliefs
Same anger causing the same attitude
Same situation with the same work ethic
Same ol **** which feeds the same state of depression
Same as the past and same as tomorrow
Same words and the same actions
Same self pain and the same self medication
New day started the same way
Heart ache from heartbreak
From a woman I hope to meet
My father taught me about the dark side of love
My brother taught him tough love
My mother loved she wouldn't have to suffer
At fourteen Joann the neighbor showed me something better then love
Said her husband only had love for money
I loved that summer
New day started with the same ways
Same alarm clock with the same sound
Same routine eating the same food
Same route to the same office
Same parking space having the same meetings
Same lunch spot with the same people
Same words and the same fake laughs
Same asprin trying to **** the same headache
Same way home listening to the same Tony Robbins cd
Same house filled with the same silence
New day started with the same ways
Keeps a mind behind while it slowly fades
It's talked about
It's thought about
Then forgot about
Afraid of change
Another lost day
A week goes by then a year or two
Time is running out
Your yelling life was to short
While crying knowing you just wasted most of yours
Sep 12, 2019
Sep 12, 2019 at 9:01 PM UTC
Steady stream of loud silence paints fake images inside of a sane mind
Add in loneliness with a dash of time
And watch how quick it deteriorates
Answers of truth will be produced without words being formed into questions
Sweating in a room where the ac sets at sixty five
From hunter to prey
If last was first how fast would we run
Trying to win a race that nobody keeps track of
Why be the type to take the tickle out of a feather
**** the fun and shatter dreams
Anger is born from pain
Pain is related to love
Love is a drug that turns us all into addicts
No rehab to cure that
Sitting back waiting for her to come back
Afraid to stand and move along
Hard to sell yourself if your waste your value
Make some noise
Have a laugh
Sing a song
Keep the silence from stealing a sane mind
Aug 20, 2019
Aug 20, 2019 at 12:18 AM UTC
I'm offbeat humming a tune
Making it difficult for you to tap your feet
You decide to scream out of key
Staring at me as I stare at you
Silence broken by you asking
Should we take this home
Counted me in on three
I speak about what I know
I only believe what I see
And I have seen a right and left not make a perfect pair
I'm the type that would rather smoke the trees then count the leafs
Live life instead of living for afterlife
Pushing your beliefs won't make me believe
Love is far from free
Hate holds more weight
Hard to love with hate
Thanks to the pain I hate to love
I threw twelve nickles in a well
I threw sixty cents away
My last girlfriend was out here to teach me
Failing is not the worst part of failure
That would be holding on to long
Love to hate to loneiness to regrets
Now I sit with torn pictures and scotch tape
Till I finish off a fifth of liquor
From Facebook you would think my life is perfect
Fake as the smile on this aged face
Sad as the man with that fake smile and aged face
May 9, 2019
May 9, 2019 at 10:45 PM UTC
I want to be more then someone's broken promise
I want you to get lost in thoughts of us as you look at me
I want to be the cause and not just a reason
I want to be the one your friends can't wait to meet
Feeling like they already know me because you can't stop talking about me
I want you to feel the need to race home and have us in bed before the sun sets
Keeping the blinds tight so we can't see the sun rise
I want the doctor to tell me that I gained twenty pounds in thirty days
Thats love not fat so it's ok
Then have you encourage me to lose at least half
I would be fine with people thinking our smiles are fake
Unable to understand how we can be happy all the time
Confused by hearing who's right don't matter to us
One could never be wrong for the other
Matching shirts and can't leave without a kiss
Never saying goodbye or stay mad to long
I want you to never have to worry
To be clueless as to what it's like to doubt me
To know your more then number one
Your the whole list
Everyday be able to make you proud to be seen with me
Still falling in love with you at ninty
Hide the make up till you see the beauty your coving up
Maybe hide your clothes too
Cause your body is perfection and perfection should never be covered up
When anyone brings up a bad relationship I want you not to be able to relate
Every week go on atleast one date
Nomatter how good you say I am
I'll always try to be a little better
It will be my job to hurt for you
I'll be happy to take your pain
I want to be why you lie to your boss about being late
I'm working on being similar to the lead actor in your favorite movie that you can't watch enough
But first I need to create a new word because love is not strong enough
I want you to have what you deserve then some
And after I write the last line I never want you to have to ask me to repeat these things so you can be reassured
These words will come alive through my actions
And just in case you ever see me shed a tear or two
It's because I been looking for you ten years before I knew you
Now if I could only find you
May 5, 2019
May 5, 2019 at 12:29 AM UTC
This was going to be another I love you poem
A please don't go plea
Explain how the pain is to much
Desricbe the heart break
How I want to drink these tears dry
Beg for more time and promise change
This was going to show how sorry I am in a hundred different ways
Let you know that if your gone then I want to go to
This was going to be filled with words that would keep you here
I would beg if needed
Give whoever whatever if we continued forever
But it never got the chance
Passed out before writing the first word out
Woke with pen still in my hand
Paper scattered on the bed
Leaned over to the pillow that would've been holding your head
Took a deep breathe then kissed it softly
First time in nine years your lips wasn't there
First time in nine years my day began with tears wetting my face
Few got by cleaning the sleep dust from my eyes
Just before anger stopped the chance to really cry
Why?
Why this ?
Why now?
Why am I beginning to smile?
Am I not hurting as much as I should?
Did I not love you as much I believed?
Staring at the empty bed I finally see what was lost for a long time
You bright eyed and laughing
Then I hear you telling me your quote of the day
Happy for no other reason then that's the type of person you are
Gone was the look of pain and misery that deprived you of the life you loved
And the world of your beautiful smile
Everything will change by not changing at all
I promise that our forever will continue one day
Untill then I ask you to keep an eye on me from your view in the sky
And I'll continue to do what I always done
That's looking up to you
Mar 20, 2019
Mar 20, 2019 at 1:16 AM UTC
L
Love, life , live or laugh
Maybe look , later , long or just the first letter of what was meant to be a goodbye song
Deep inside me I know I'll never get the answer
But for nineteen years it's been a daily thought
Theirs been times I spent hours and more then once I spent days
I have yelled and cried about it
Asked myself was it going to be a K
I turned it to the left , back right then upside down
Yes I flipped over then flipped it again
It always looks the same
One line that's not to straight
The black ink has faded some and it holds some dried up tears
Someone told me I should throw it away
That I needed to stop hanging on
To quit trying to solve a problem that I will never be able to solve
We haven't talked since
I don't need to hear the oblivious
I don't need to hear nothing at all
I'll put it up for the night
To help fall asleep I go to bed thinking it wasn't even meant to be a letter
That it was my mother's way of saying
" It's me that's dying , you continue on"
Mar 8, 2019
Mar 8, 2019 at 1:29 AM UTC
Lately my thoughts haven't made much sense
Seem lost and scattered among the deaf
Shown to the blind
Haven't been able to picture one yet
Like my first child
They died before making it to daylight
You heard seeing is believing right
Keep my eyes closed to miss the view of my depressed state of mind
What's the point of talking to those who pretend
So I sit quiet and alone
God has already called on all my friends
Strike a match
Flick a bic
Make some light cause this is all dark ****
Am I the only one to sit with my eyes closed
Thinking how easy it would be if I made my last breathe my last breathe
Leave the note you wrote years ago saying goodbye
Don't be selfish by getting mad
I was ready for my time to end
Breaking the cuffs
Snapping the chains
If it wasn't meant to be then good would've stopped me
Right?
Would shake hands and say goodbye
But my left is wiping sweat
While the right one puts in work
I tried everything from eight cokes and countless lines
And still can't find my smile
So why fight the feeling
I don't matter
You been blowing me off like I'm the dirt on Mr. Knowles shoulder
Put me in a closed space with your sister
I'll hit her hard
Make you a auntie slash ex step mom
Now you have something to go sit and tell
Let me get the door for you
I'll act like I'm over you
Yell, scream and cuss
Then slam the door
As I hit the floor
Cause only then will I break
Cry out asking God why
Feb 14, 2019
Feb 14, 2019 at 1:36 AM UTC