your love feels borrowed starlight now,
dimmed at the edges,
faded from lighting skies
that were never mine.
the nicknames you gave me
don’t sound like constellations to me anymore,
just fragments of old galaxies,
still glimmering with the fingerprints of those who came before.
and when you speak them,
the universe inside me winces.
the bitter taste of dust from your other worlds - other women,
clinging to the syllables
i once thought were sacred.
your touch is a meteor now.
beautiful,
but falling too fast
and leaving a sickness in my body.
and yet…
i keep looking for your light
the way the moon follows after the sun,
even knowing its glow
was never hers alone.
i hurt,
but i still turn toward you
like a planet bound by old gravity,
hoping you’ll be the one
to pull me back into orbit
and not let me drift
any farther into the dark.
Nov 25, 2025
Nov 25, 2025 at 5:11 AM UTC
let the world hush for me,
only this once.
let every sound fall softly into its own shadow,
and every moment soften its grip on me
and my small trembling life.
i would finally lie down,
in the soft half-dark world
and feel everything i have tried so hard not to feel.
i would finally let the grief rise slow instead of quickly,
from rising lava to fog over water.
and i would let the truth settle
without rushing it away so quickly.
i have never asked for a miracle.
but i am only asking for a brief pause.
small enough for me to fit in,
but big enough that i could breathe through it.
today tore my heart in two,
and yet tomorrow waits at my door.
and i am not ready to face either.
so i beg,
let the earth go still.
let time slow to a halt.
and for a single quiet instant,
let me belong only to myself.
Nov 24, 2025
Nov 24, 2025 at 10:37 PM UTC
DON'T LET HIM TOUCH YOU.
his hands are stained with history,
a softness already spilled,
tenderness that dripped into someone else’s skin
before it ever reached me.
it isn’t just a body he pressed against,
it’s the devotion he swore was mine
but it seems like
it had already been rehearsed.
every kiss i imagine
is a repetition,
a shadow of a shadow.
what is left for me?
if his lips already knew the map of another face?
the thought rots in me.
it grows claws in my stomach,
it curls into disgust so sharp
i wish to recoil from his arms.
my brain screams:
DON’T LET HIM ANY CLOSER,
he’s contaminated with loss.
i try to breathe,
to tell myself love isn’t rationed,
his isn’t a one-time currency already spent.
but my body doesn’t believe me.
it writhes at the memory of them.
it trembles at their connection.
the way he once held her
means the way he holds me
is counterfeit.
i want to claw their kiss
out of my memory.
i want to bleach his past
until it’s blank.
but when he speaks to me,
i remember her
burned into my recollection.
like a painful souvenir.
his tenderness feels borrowed,
as if he’s lending me scraps of a script
that was written before i arrived.
and always,
i stay.
even while disgust coils like smoke in my chest,
even as i ache to scream:
DON’T TOUCH ME.
..your love is secondhand.
because beneath the agony,
there is a quieter wound:
a fear that there is nothing original left,
that his devotion was a candle
already melted for someone else.
i am terrified
that all i continue to taste
are the ashes.
Sep 30, 2025
Sep 30, 2025 at 8:24 PM UTC
should fate dare to take you,
i would storm the heavens,
tear gods from their thrones,
and drown the western seas in their blood.
our love is not gentle.
we fight like tempests,
we bruise with words,
and yet
i am always the fool who returns,
mouth bloodied, lungs burning,
to kneel at your voice,
and drink down your name as if it were water.
i love you more than the stars adore the sun,
more than the tides adore the pull of the moon.
you are gravity itself to me,
the law by which i rise and fall.
inside me, bone is scripture.
each rib carries your name scorched in gold,
a testament built of marrow and fire.
my heart is not mine
it beats in your image,
a sacred relic,
burning only for you.
every version of me,
through every turning of time,
would choose every version of you.
even the fiercest, most ruined self
would crawl through ash and teeth
to find you waiting.
you are my axis,
my altar.
ruinous beloved, i kneel before you.
let this be my oath,
if the world broke tomorrow,
i would drag its corpse to your feet
and whisper that i am still,
always,
yours.
Sep 1, 2025
Sep 1, 2025 at 9:35 PM UTC
i was small when you chose me.
a ribbon tied beautifully around my neck,
shaking in a box
the sun too bright for my eyes.
you smiled,
and i mistook it for kindness.
my forever home.
i learned quickly
that love can wear faces.
that hands can come down hard and still call it discipline.
that food is not promised, even if you sit.
even if you beg.
even if you try to be the best boy.
the chain outside never rusted faster than my hope did.
i stopped barking for help when no one came.
just curled tighter,
colder,
quieter.
you taught me fear by name.
it was yours.
when i peed on the carpet,
it wasn’t defiance.
i just couldn’t hold it anymore.
you never let me out.
but you held my head down like my lungs were made to drown.
and i thought,
maybe this is what love feels like to monsters.
you forgot to name me.
so i named myself sit.
so i named myself stay.
bad dog.
i chewed the furniture once
not to destroy,
but because no one left me toys,
and my teeth ached with the loneliness of growing.
do you remember when i licked your hand after you hit me?
i do.
i thought maybe if i gave you all of my love,
yours might finally stay.
they say dogs are loyal.
but what they mean is:
“we forgive the unforgivable
with our tails still wagging.”
i would’ve died for you.
but you made me live like this instead.
and now i sleep in silence
a small grave behind the shed,
where no one visits.
where no one remembers.
but i remember.
i remember everything.
and still,
i hope your next dog knows only warmth.
and that if ghosts have teeth,
mine are dull.
because i only ever wanted to be good.
even if you never said i was.
Jul 23, 2025
Jul 23, 2025 at 4:00 PM UTC
born into a family,
where resolve meant escape,
through silence or withdrawal.
the distance between love and pain,
a retreat from what we couldn’t face.
raised in the cold embrace of unspoken words,
where hearts were shields,
and love was buried beneath layers of pride.
they veiled their emotions,
masked in stoic faces,
refusing to show the ache that ran deep.
the flower they nurtured,
once bright, once tender,
pushed aside by their own selfishness and greed.
each petal lost to neglect,
each thorn sharp with their disregard.
the love they could not give
left a void where warmth should have been.
feelings, cold as ice,
the flower frosted over,
but inside, deep within its trembling heart,
it bore the weight of every feeling that they could never speak
and every tear they never shed.
within that fragile bloom,
i felt it all.
their anger, their sorrow,
their fear, their joy,
and the overwhelming silence
that drowned out any chance of peace.
i became the keeper of their unspoken words,
the one who felt everything they could not.
the weight of their unsaid love,
the burden of their unshared grief,
all carried in a heart too full,
too overwhelmed by emotion.
and though I learned to hold it all,
this tangled web of feelings,
i became a vessel,
overflowing,
caught between the unspoken coldness
and the warmth I longed to give.
Jul 22, 2025
Jul 22, 2025 at 2:02 AM UTC
deprivation on a fathomless level.
a hunger deep within me, unseen and untold,
i yearn to be sought after, cradled, cherished.
embraced like the soft delicate petals of a flower.
my core; soft, and tender, like the warmth of dusk.
craving a touch that nurtures and sustains.
yet my exterior, rugged, and untamed.
a tempest forged in fire, burning with desire.
i am not the monster i paint myself to be,
nor the cold, unfeeling creature i pretend to wear.
i hide behind a scowl, thick as armor,
but behind it, my heart trembles, raw and bare.
i long for a connection, to feel a hand,
not just to be touched, but to be truly seen.
the fire within me is not to destroy,
but to illuminate the path to love and understanding.
why, then, do i push away the warmth i need?
why do i wear this mask, unyielding and cruel?
i wish to be loved, to be held in the light
but i flicker alone, too dim for their sight.
Jul 21, 2025
Jul 21, 2025 at 10:00 PM UTC
i live with four other cats,
but my favorite cat is different.
she’s the strangest cat i’ve ever known.
she’s bigger than me,
louder,
her fur is patchy and soft only in places,
and she walks on just two legs. like a trick.
she opens portals that lead to other worlds (she calls them “rooms”),
and she always locks me out.
i yell for her each time, she always forgets to let me in.
she cries more than any cat i know.
i never know why.
i press my head into hers,
knead the soft of her belly,
purr into the silence until it stops shaking.
she stares into the bright rectangle for hours,
meowing in a voice i don’t understand.
it’s quiet, and broken, sometimes loud,
like a song in another language.
she curls into the same corner every day,
her spot,
and when she forgets how to move,
i lay beside her like gravity.
i keep her warm.
i keep her here.
her fur is strange.
no stripes, no fluff,
just pale skin that pinks when she’s sad,
or angry,
or too full of feeling.
not like mine,
grey and white and made for softness.
sometimes she shakes when the house is quiet.
sometimes she forgets to feed herself,
but she always feeds me.
she always pets me,
even when her eyes look like storms.
she talks a lot,
a lot of the time to me. i don't understand her though.
at times she looks at walls and says things to the air,
like she’s hoping it’ll talk back.
she smells like salt and sleep and sadness
and sometimes i curl around her head
like maybe i can catch the nightmares before she does.
sometimes she disappears behind the big door
and i wait at it all day
and when she comes back,
i scold her with my tail.
but she never learns.
my favorite cat is tired.
she says it without saying it.
she breathes like the world is heavy.
she laughs like she forgot how.
but she still scratches behind my ears.
she still tells me i’m a good boy.
i don’t understand her.
i don’t think she understands me either.
but when she cries, i come running.
when she hides under blankets, i follow.
when she forgets herself, i remind her.
that she is loved.
that she is mine.
that she is my favorite cat.
and that i will stay.
<3
Jul 21, 2025
Jul 21, 2025 at 9:45 PM UTC