birdsandroses - Hello Poetry

you were eight weeks old a small thing but our hands were smaller still, you fit there held as though you were meant to break maybe someday, but not today. today, you made love into a character trait it curled into our chests and settled there, somewhere and the weight of it has grown for i have not room to breathe it has not left. now, there is nothing left of you save for blurred images blurry eyes, salt water drops rippling in an ocean— i used to take you there. there, you would greet everyone new like they existed just to learn your name there, a child said hello to you for the first time fifteen years later, you said it back for the last. and i could not help but to think if you had died eleven days later you would have seen the flowers bloom.

0

Oct 4, 2022

Oct 4, 2022 at 5:15 PM UTC

eleven days

you were eight weeks old a small thing but our hands were smaller still, you fit there held as though you were meant to break maybe someday, but not today. today, you made love into a character trait it curled into our chests and settled there, somewhere and the weight of it has grown for i have not room to breathe it has not left. now, there is nothing left of you save for blurred images blurry eyes, salt water drops rippling in an ocean— i used to take you there. there, you would greet everyone new like they existed just to learn your name there, a child said hello to you for the first time fifteen years later, you said it back for the last. and i could not help but to think if you had died eleven days later you would have seen the flowers bloom.

22

i will not fall in love with you. i will not fall in love with the way it feels when i finally get you to laugh at one of my jokes. or the way you leave coca-cola cans piled up on your desk. i will not smile when you bang open the door of my room and cackle when i jump out of my skin. i will not play the piano for you as you go still on the couch. or sit on the deck outside and smile bitterly as we contemplate why we exist. i will not go camping with you by the river and balance stones, because wont they fall over in time, anyways? i will not listen when you tell me of the work you do. when you tell me of the people you have helped, the way you go on and on so enthusiastically. i will not wash my hands of dirt after i help you plant flowers in the summer, the way you do every year. i will not greet you as you come through the door. i will not ask you questions of the way the world works, because i dont want to hear your answer. i will not tuck my head under your chin when youre cooking in the kitchen, because i dont want to feel your heart beat next to mine. i will not walk along the beach with you. i will not watch as you bump your head on the logs scattered along the sand, as you greet everyone new like they exist just to learn your name. i will not call for you to lay beside me when the street lights turn on outside. instead, i will yell and close the door and rest my brow against its white paint. i will step barefoot into the water and close my eyes as the sounds of your guitar dance through the leaves. i will wipe my hands on my jeans, and pick at the soil beneath my fingernails, and wonder aloud if we could plant lemongrass instead of roses. i will stand beside you and lean into you until you stumble and laugh, until you admonish me while i grin cheekily up at you. and i will not have to ask you to come to me, because you will already be there.

0

Nov 3, 2021

Nov 3, 2021 at 5:12 PM UTC

i will not fall in love with you.

i will not fall in love with you. i will not fall in love with the way it feels when i finally get you to laugh at one of my jokes. or the way you leave coca-cola cans piled up on your desk. i will not smile when you bang open the door of my room and cackle when i jump out of my skin. i will not play the piano for you as you go still on the couch. or sit on the deck outside and smile bitterly as we contemplate why we exist. i will not go camping with you by the river and balance stones, because wont they fall over in time, anyways? i will not listen when you tell me of the work you do. when you tell me of the people you have helped, the way you go on and on so enthusiastically. i will not wash my hands of dirt after i help you plant flowers in the summer, the way you do every year. i will not greet you as you come through the door. i will not ask you questions of the way the world works, because i dont want to hear your answer. i will not tuck my head under your chin when youre cooking in the kitchen, because i dont want to feel your heart beat next to mine. i will not walk along the beach with you. i will not watch as you bump your head on the logs scattered along the sand, as you greet everyone new like they exist just to learn your name. i will not call for you to lay beside me when the street lights turn on outside. instead, i will yell and close the door and rest my brow against its white paint. i will step barefoot into the water and close my eyes as the sounds of your guitar dance through the leaves. i will wipe my hands on my jeans, and pick at the soil beneath my fingernails, and wonder aloud if we could plant lemongrass instead of roses. i will stand beside you and lean into you until you stumble and laugh, until you admonish me while i grin cheekily up at you. and i will not have to ask you to come to me, because you will already be there.

11

i will not ascend to the kingdom of god nor fall to greet my demons as old friends rather, permit my bones to blend with the soil of your garden let my blood affix to the roots of the quivering yew and allow me to rest in the arms of the earth for my time here was heaven and i've no need of more than you.

0

Oct 24, 2021

Oct 24, 2021 at 4:29 PM UTC

roots

i will not ascend to the kingdom of god nor fall to greet my demons as old friends rather, permit my bones to blend with the soil of your garden let my blood affix to the roots of the quivering yew and allow me to rest in the arms of the earth for my time here was heaven and i've no need of more than you.

7

this house is safety. it is gentle christmas mornings with gifts piled at our feet warm afternoons spent playing every song ive ever known quiet nights reminiscing over old friends and soft harmonies this house is safety. it is hugs after work (these tender, stolen moments) and just one more story before bed but i still cant sit on the couch downstairs.

0

Nov 11, 2020

Nov 11, 2020 at 1:08 AM UTC

this house is safety

this house is safety. it is gentle christmas mornings with gifts piled at our feet warm afternoons spent playing every song ive ever known quiet nights reminiscing over old friends and soft harmonies this house is safety. it is hugs after work (these tender, stolen moments) and just one more story before bed but i still cant sit on the couch downstairs.

9

you cant turn back yesterday or today or tomorrow but you can change the past into a better present and a better future

0

Aug 11, 2019

Aug 11, 2019 at 3:47 AM UTC

written in a minute

you cant turn back yesterday or today or tomorrow but you can change the past into a better present and a better future

6

soon, i will say good-bye. i will hold you between my palms as you take your final breaths i will look into your eyes as they close for the last time i will whisper "i love you" as you still in my arms and i know i will wonder if having you was ever worth it i know i will cry and scream with the bitterness, the injustice of it all and i know. i will decide that i could never regret loving you. i know, i know, i know.

0

Apr 29, 2019

Apr 29, 2019 at 2:19 PM UTC

i will never regret you

soon, i will say good-bye. i will hold you between my palms as you take your final breaths i will look into your eyes as they close for the last time i will whisper "i love you" as you still in my arms and i know i will wonder if having you was ever worth it i know i will cry and scream with the bitterness, the injustice of it all and i know. i will decide that i could never regret loving you. i know, i know, i know.

11

there is laughter here it hides behind their vacant gaze so far, and yet so near resting in a forlorn haze we are boundless loose ends untied as we stare blankly into this mess unforgivingly

0

Apr 7, 2019

Apr 7, 2019 at 3:36 AM UTC

dear society (love, the psych ward)

there is laughter here it hides behind their vacant gaze so far, and yet so near resting in a forlorn haze we are boundless loose ends untied as we stare blankly into this mess unforgivingly

8

─────────────────╔═══╗───────────────── ────────────────╔╝ it ╚╗──────────────── ────────────────╬ calls ╬──────────────── ───────────────╬ to me╬─────────────── ────────────────╬ this ╬──────────────── ────────────────╚╗ s ╔╝────▐▀────────── ─────────────────╚╗i ╔╝─────▐─────────── ──────────────────║x ║──────▐─────────── ──────────────────║s ║─────██─────────── ──────────────────║t ║────────────────── ──────────────────║r ║────────────────── ──────────────────║i ║────────────────── ──────────────────║n║────────────────── ───────────────╔══╝g╚══╗─────────────── ─────────────╔═╝beauty. ╚═╗───────────── ────▐▀▀▀▌───╔╝ calluses ╚╗──────────── ────▐───▌───║ collide as i ║──────────── ────▐───▌───╚╗ fret ╔╝──────────── ───██─▐█▌────╚╗ over this ╔╝───────────── ──────────────║ tune ║────────────── ─────────────╔╝ notes ╚╗───────────── ────────────╔╝ are found ╚╗──────────── ───────────╔╝ fingers overlapping ╚╗─────────── ──────────╔╝ music unfolding ╚╗─────▐▀─── ──────────║ lyrics closing ║─────▐──── ──────────║ as this old ║─────▐──── ──────────╚╗ guitar goes ╔╝────██──── ───────────╚╗ back to ╔╝─────────── ────────────╚═╗ rest ╔═╝──────────── ──────────────╚═════════╝──────────────

0

Mar 19, 2019

Mar 19, 2019 at 4:06 AM UTC

from over there

29

i long for you. your sharp gaze and steely eyes looking into mine lips twisted down, a lie prepared on your tongue strength and perseverance etched into the scars on your skin but you are gone now. replaced by doe eyes and a gentle embrace sleeves rolled up to reveal beauty and virtue your wounds are faint aches, scabbed over but still healing and yet, somehow, i still feel worthy.

0

Feb 22, 2019

Feb 22, 2019 at 2:07 AM UTC

i feel worthy, somehow

i long for you. your sharp gaze and steely eyes looking into mine lips twisted down, a lie prepared on your tongue strength and perseverance etched into the scars on your skin but you are gone now. replaced by doe eyes and a gentle embrace sleeves rolled up to reveal beauty and virtue your wounds are faint aches, scabbed over but still healing and yet, somehow, i still feel worthy.

9

outside, it is cold and dark and cloudless. but my soul is on fire, my thoughts are dim and my mind- i go for a walk. outside, i breathe. i gasp for air and look up, up, up (outside, it is cloudless) the stars are shining so bright, so i dance and sing and laugh and- i leave during the night. outside, i am flying on the swings of an abandoned playground and it is high high high low low low high higher higher higher (i dance and sing and laugh and) i fall. outside, there is a child laying on the gravel pit of an abandoned playground arms and legs twisted, fingers broken, eyes staring at the stars shining so bright and she laughs, and laughs, and laughs.

0

Jan 25, 2019

Jan 25, 2019 at 2:24 AM UTC

2am

outside, it is cold and dark and cloudless. but my soul is on fire, my thoughts are dim and my mind- i go for a walk. outside, i breathe. i gasp for air and look up, up, up (outside, it is cloudless) the stars are shining so bright, so i dance and sing and laugh and- i leave during the night. outside, i am flying on the swings of an abandoned playground and it is high high high low low low high higher higher higher (i dance and sing and laugh and) i fall. outside, there is a child laying on the gravel pit of an abandoned playground arms and legs twisted, fingers broken, eyes staring at the stars shining so bright and she laughs, and laughs, and laughs.

12