I went back to feel what it was like to be me.
I went back to know I had no reason to feel guilty.
I went back to quench my betrayal.
I went back to make peace with my being.
Yet...
Now, I am unsure.
I am blessed to have been given this body;
This body that can move with grace,
Touch those she loves with praise,
And move swiftly without stumbling.
Then why am I trembling?
I fell in love.
Not just with one person.
I fell in love with the life I used to have.
And still, I couldn't get myself to stay there.
Was it fear?
Was it a sense of obligation or duty?
Did I really come back to resent those I'd wasted so much time on?
I have so many questions... and so few answers.
Why do we make it so complicated for ourselves when it doesn't have to be... Why did I change, when I loved the person I was? I don't want to mirror my past but I don't like what I see staring back at me either.
I just want to be me.
Why can't the voices in my head leave me alone?
Sep 28, 2015
Sep 28, 2015 at 9:51 PM UTC
But love in every way was beautiful
As the wind softly waved past my ears
And as he smiled at me without thought
As the waves beckoned me to come
And the flowers awakened inspiration
But hate inspired conspiracies
As the thick dust flew by my face
And as she shoved me buried in sorrow
As the heartache threatened to slip away
And the thorns dug even deeper
But beauty was perpetually good
As babies learn to listen to allure
And Disney stories lured us in
As horror no longer exists
And euphoria is in - and within all.
But accountability is ours
As our planet is frightful
And we have let our family starve
As we have watched repeatedly
And done nothing
Nov 14, 2014
Nov 14, 2014 at 7:50 PM UTC
I have sorrow for those lost at sea
Courage for those I deem worthy to protect
Love for those who have hurt me
Yet somehow I feel a stirring in my thighs
A sensation that screams with good intentions
All of them gone wrong in a single sentiment
One of unworthyness and hatred
A feeling that cancels out all the good
Appreciation becomes a tool
Manipulation second nature
Love starts hurting with eyes
That have seen true hardships
Uncomprehension from others
Break through your dignified skin
Your ways of leaning in and whispering
All your fantasies are no longer
Strangling hands around your neck
Missing all the shooting stars
Of whom saviour seemed so far away
You recognized a pattern
You fell so far
You hadn't wanted to turn back
Throw yourself back in the waters of pleasure
Releave yourself with ****** intent
Have you realized how Satan has called you?
How you have been fulfilling his favours?
How abstruction has found its way into your life?
Have you realized you have let it?
Oct 14, 2014
Oct 14, 2014 at 6:24 PM UTC
I am resilient.
I am strong.
I will defeat my devils.
And I will overcome my gravest fears...
Because **I love you, all of you.
You are worth it.**
And I will fight till the end of the Earth to let you know that.
Oct 10, 2014
Oct 10, 2014 at 9:27 PM UTC
*An arrow through my mind,
Athousand through my heart,
It makes no difference,
If I know you'll still love me at the very end.*
Oct 10, 2014
Oct 10, 2014 at 9:23 PM UTC
My words,
As swords penetrating your heart,
Would you deny me?
Would you deny me my freedom?
My healing heart,
Fire ablaze and welcoming your pain,
Will you tell me the truth?
Will you tell me yours?
My thoughts,
Hurtful and soft, lively and beautiful,
Will you take my hand?
And watch the sunset with me at the end of the day?
The world hurts me,
Every stepping stone is another brick
Thrown right into my face
Will you protect me?
Will you tell me everything's going to be okay?
Will you lie to me?
Will you lie to me to make me feel better?
Or will you let me crash with the painful truth?
Will you hold me tight?
Even when I say that you shouldn't.
Will you love me, even if I hurt you?
Will you love me when I tear up?
Will you love me when I hurt?
When I tare down inch by inch and fall?
Will you hold me up?
Will you try to see through me?
Through my lies and faults,
I am lost in feelings that I so desperately want more of.
I am lost in between paradise and confusion.
I am lost in such a way that no one understands when I get flustered over you.
I am lost because... I fell.
And I fell because I can finally see
You in my life,
And I in yours.
Oct 6, 2014
Oct 6, 2014 at 6:35 AM UTC
"What do you do
When the pasts haunts your every move,
Whispers in your ears
When no one is there to distract you
And laughs at you,
Every time you do something wrong?"
"You keep going.
You do your best.
You do what you love
Aand you defy the limits
Your ego slaps you in the face with."
Sep 11, 2014
Sep 11, 2014 at 6:09 AM UTC
Sometimes my imagination
Takes me so close to you
That I can feel your breath
Syncronized with mine
Yet when I open my eyes
All I see is a bright light with the shadow
Of an indistinct aura of someone
Who is an ocean away
You've stolen my heart away
Like no one else has
My beautiful love
Sep 11, 2014
Sep 11, 2014 at 6:07 AM UTC
Love makes you
Love elliminates hate
Love builds acceptance
Love creates understanding
Love increases one's will to live
Love makes the world go round
Love brings the good out in people
Love inspires you to do the best you can
Love encourages you to achieve all you want
Love holds you up when others may pull you down
Love buys you all the things you want from our universe
Never forget the power of what sharing love may do for another.
It may just change someone's life.
Sep 10, 2014
Sep 10, 2014 at 6:53 PM UTC
I'm so tired of always being the one to ask,
I'm so tired, knowing it won't change
Unless I stop putting myself out there
I want to know them all
Why does the world seem so big suddenly
Like it's so hard to grasp the reality of
How life used to be, before I went away
Before I remembered what living really meant
Those days seem as simple memories now
Memories though which will never vanish
And cannot seem to leave me be
Constantly poking at my back
Knawing wholes wherever they can
Like worms, they've been eating my body
Along with parts of my soul I thought
Were most profound and least to weaken
Or is it exactly the fact that I envision
A weakness in me I never had before
A softness in which I have found kindness
And a love that dropped all my barriers
What if everything I thought I knew
Was but a deception that I left myself
To fall so tremendlously for
Each time I stopped praying?
How many of the things I did
Were really selfless opposed to
All the times I did those things
To really make myself happy
Rather than all those around me
Rather than the ones I love or
The people that I thought I fought for
What if it's all a lie?
The lie we feed ourselves in order
To be able to live with ourselves
While half the world is at war
While more than half is starving
I thought if you help your community
You do your part in the world
No matter if nothing will ever be enough
Yet.. somehow I have this sense
A sense of incompletion everywhere I look
Or is that simply...because I fell in love?
Sep 8, 2014
Sep 8, 2014 at 6:21 PM UTC