I’ve seen a bunch of blinds,
Window blinds that flutter.
It’s not supposed to happen so she says,
And i am scared, but just a little
My voice sounds different sometimes
And yours does too
It often lifts me from the couch.
And sets me on the porch
There is something that follows
It sits there with its ashtray in hand
And switches the lights from white to pink
And i am scared, but just a little.
I’m supposed to repeat things too.
But to avoid confusion i stay quiet
While a preface is needed for every new friend
It’s easier to stick with you
And yes, there is a lack of fluidity.
And a hidden envelope of confidence
But until the blinds lose their flutter
I am still scared, but just a little.
Mar 12, 2019
Mar 12, 2019 at 10:18 PM UTC
i was born in raining flowers
surrounded by melodies
and magic characters
i was born into love
with hands holding
reassuring touches
i was brought to a swimming pool
with long tangled hair
a blanket of safety for us.
but
i was then taken
to a red sandbox
the rain, so important
had to go
and i was sparse here too.
ill admit, sometimes i was lucky
because twice water filled the sandbox.
except it was stained red from the sediment
and i was left feeling grit on my skin.
but then
i was returned-
not to the raining flowers
to somewhere else
where there is wisdom in the grass
and the rain is gentle and clean
and i need this place
even if i am just
condensation on a cold glass
the rain is still within me
Mar 29, 2018
Mar 29, 2018 at 8:51 AM UTC
there is a whiteboard next to my bed
it says “don’t be lazy”
even though
my mom would say
“we all have to do things we don’t want to do”
but you don’t understand
it’s not that i don’t want to,
it’s that
i can’t.
i wished i forgot to set the alarm
so i would be late for class
but the whiteboard says
“don’t waste your money”
so i force myself
to stare at the wall in the shower
and the wall in the classroom
and the wall in the doctors office
and i force myself
to have conversations
that i am not present for,
to write papers
with words
that i cannot articulate
and this made my mind more tired than it already was.
and so i fell apart,
expecting that you would take care of me.
thats what i’m supposed to do right?
but i messed up somewhere along the way
because you remain
looking anywhere
except my crying eyes
and my tears are fixed on you.
on your hands hoping they will touch me,
and your lips hoping they will tell me
that i will be okay.
Mar 27, 2018
Mar 27, 2018 at 11:57 AM UTC
today i wondered what i would be.
but my definition
is a multitude of faucets
faucets that are leaky
they drip
tiny splashes of knowledge
knowledge that i almost have
but not quite.
today i wondered why
why it’s so difficult to eat
in the mornings,
and afternoons,
and nights.
and why my body is more beautiful when it is starved
and how come
the trees hold flowers i want to touch
but i can’t get myself to walk to the branches.
i know they will be wilted soon
because they bloomed
too early.
when winter pretended to be spring
but brought the coldness back too soon
sometimes i wonder why
on days like these
eye contact is like
replacing a lightbulb
because
i’d rather sit in darkness than
stand on the chair.
and i wonder
why i like to let my body chill
naked, on my bed after a hot shower
just to feel less numb
and if i get too cold,
then i found something to care about
to care about getting warm again
Mar 26, 2018
Mar 26, 2018 at 8:35 PM UTC