benjamin-valenzuela - Hello Poetry

I kissed you goodbye I let you go I never wanted to see this I gave it to you I couldn’t change the course The choice was give you life or let you die Either way you took part of me with you No salvation without sacrifice Had you of died I would have followed The life I found for you I cannot be part of The fact that you want me there hurts far more These facts you deny Kiss me and let me go Hold me and understand why it is so

0

Aug 12, 2010

Aug 12, 2010 at 12:42 AM UTC

Goodbye

I kissed you goodbye I let you go I never wanted to see this I gave it to you I couldn’t change the course The choice was give you life or let you die Either way you took part of me with you No salvation without sacrifice Had you of died I would have followed The life I found for you I cannot be part of The fact that you want me there hurts far more These facts you deny Kiss me and let me go Hold me and understand why it is so

14

I’m going to cry Even though I am happy for you It will rip me apart I will still smile when you talk about it As I lay on the floor broken in every form You’ll see me shake hands and wear that face I will stare at the void in my being I will offer you the best advice Time will pass my heart will still be asunder I’ll stand there and be joyful I’ll listen with broken notions and crushing pain Yes we’ll still be friends I’ll give you up You’ll hunt me down Nothing will matter to you You will only see what you want Soon it will only be You will never understand I will forever be Then it will all be over. Never again I’ll say Cry you will Console I must Once it is gone I will be here Soon you’ll be gone again I will fade The end will be someday Until then, Until then

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Aug 11, 2010

Aug 11, 2010 at 10:37 PM UTC

To you

I’m going to cry Even though I am happy for you It will rip me apart I will still smile when you talk about it As I lay on the floor broken in every form You’ll see me shake hands and wear that face I will stare at the void in my being I will offer you the best advice Time will pass my heart will still be asunder I’ll stand there and be joyful I’ll listen with broken notions and crushing pain Yes we’ll still be friends I’ll give you up You’ll hunt me down Nothing will matter to you You will only see what you want Soon it will only be You will never understand I will forever be Then it will all be over. Never again I’ll say Cry you will Console I must Once it is gone I will be here Soon you’ll be gone again I will fade The end will be someday Until then, Until then

30

I should be transcribing the story of my life. Making you laugh at my silliness. Having you consider the reality of it all by relating to just you. Telling that tired anecdote that's too witty to give up, but now is a sad catch phrase. Having a bonding moment with you over something I probably faked. I need you to feel not just know about my trials or tribulations. I want to have an endearing trait. I want to know that my noctivagant ways won't turn you against me. I'm a traitor, a fool a sly emotional chameleon. I am driven by fear, gears spinning all of me pushing. Pushing into a deep dark mental ravine. I am everything you deem wrong wrong for your world and perception. No thinking just scheming what feeling, just planning. but here it is with masks off with sound at full bore images vividly provided all you can do is consider why am I baring this for you...

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Jun 13, 2010

Jun 13, 2010 at 10:59 PM UTC

bare

I should be transcribing the story of my life. Making you laugh at my silliness. Having you consider the reality of it all by relating to just you. Telling that tired anecdote that's too witty to give up, but now is a sad catch phrase. Having a bonding moment with you over something I probably faked. I need you to feel not just know about my trials or tribulations. I want to have an endearing trait. I want to know that my noctivagant ways won't turn you against me. I'm a traitor, a fool a sly emotional chameleon. I am driven by fear, gears spinning all of me pushing. Pushing into a deep dark mental ravine. I am everything you deem wrong wrong for your world and perception. No thinking just scheming what feeling, just planning. but here it is with masks off with sound at full bore images vividly provided all you can do is consider why am I baring this for you...

29

tired of Looking into mirrors & realizing Death occurred long ago Knowing that what happens Is never my will But theirs See me fall down Crush my spirit Like I did those hands Bind me To the weight of my penance Set that stone afloat For my sins weigh heavy. tired of Understanding & acceptance Tired of silent words & absolution Wisdom and caring Joy & happiness If only because These are the things I never understood how to create god I am tired of… Tired of being complacent The anxiety from looking The thoughts of being Trying to be cool Acting like all is good My life Here I f***ing stand tired of Being the good one Earning for anyone but me Being their rock Supporting every ones world But mine Codependency and hating myself for it.

0

May 16, 2010

May 16, 2010 at 2:09 PM UTC

tired of

tired of Looking into mirrors & realizing Death occurred long ago Knowing that what happens Is never my will But theirs See me fall down Crush my spirit Like I did those hands Bind me To the weight of my penance Set that stone afloat For my sins weigh heavy. tired of Understanding & acceptance Tired of silent words & absolution Wisdom and caring Joy & happiness If only because These are the things I never understood how to create god I am tired of… Tired of being complacent The anxiety from looking The thoughts of being Trying to be cool Acting like all is good My life Here I f***ing stand tired of Being the good one Earning for anyone but me Being their rock Supporting every ones world But mine Codependency and hating myself for it.

36

Spinning falling slow concentric circles being made as the bits of me fall away pushing myself down deep, deeply further into some unknown location that just feels as horrible as it should. Land, land, land **** it land Quicker now vision being marred just because I am straining to see the things I am destroying slow visuals of these concentric circles losing their own shape and drifting off into places I should have been inevitably parts of me were there but I never have been. Land, land, land **** it land Deeper still the descent is no where near its crescendo there is no land there is no place for me to land there is no me in this place so where does this lead too.. some crazed rabbit hole I have pushed myself into This is everyday This is my reality It is every morning Every morning in this place It’s alone it is cold it’s real Everyday I need one thing One thing to get me through Not a “you” but really a “me” Some glorified vision Some place between This slow charging death Everyday is a bit lower Some how, every day is a bit brighter. Everything is tunnel vision

0

Apr 26, 2010

Apr 26, 2010 at 7:46 AM UTC

mornings

Spinning falling slow concentric circles being made as the bits of me fall away pushing myself down deep, deeply further into some unknown location that just feels as horrible as it should. Land, land, land **** it land Quicker now vision being marred just because I am straining to see the things I am destroying slow visuals of these concentric circles losing their own shape and drifting off into places I should have been inevitably parts of me were there but I never have been. Land, land, land **** it land Deeper still the descent is no where near its crescendo there is no land there is no place for me to land there is no me in this place so where does this lead too.. some crazed rabbit hole I have pushed myself into This is everyday This is my reality It is every morning Every morning in this place It’s alone it is cold it’s real Everyday I need one thing One thing to get me through Not a “you” but really a “me” Some glorified vision Some place between This slow charging death Everyday is a bit lower Some how, every day is a bit brighter. Everything is tunnel vision

37

I stuttered I stared I touched something, Something for which I thought I no longer cared In the midst of oo’s and awes In the lines drawn I drew myself outside the frame So did I lose it? Am I reckless? Do I wantonly pursue it? Is the door closed or has it just been modified Was I right the whole time? Could I be wrong now? To quote myself I dig, I dig on the hidden her Stunned by the private truth The honest portrayal of self I saw That thing I touched when I was invited in I went but I only toed the water Should I have dove into the deep I stuttered I stared You touched in me something Something for which I no longer cared In the midst of panic and fear With a gauntlet drawn I pushed and broke away I may have lost it Reckless in my thoughts and actions Would you still use it? My closed doors now open You were right the whole time I want what I think to be wrong now. I stutter I stare…

0

Apr 21, 2010

Apr 21, 2010 at 6:52 AM UTC

I stuttered

I stuttered I stared I touched something, Something for which I thought I no longer cared In the midst of oo’s and awes In the lines drawn I drew myself outside the frame So did I lose it? Am I reckless? Do I wantonly pursue it? Is the door closed or has it just been modified Was I right the whole time? Could I be wrong now? To quote myself I dig, I dig on the hidden her Stunned by the private truth The honest portrayal of self I saw That thing I touched when I was invited in I went but I only toed the water Should I have dove into the deep I stuttered I stared You touched in me something Something for which I no longer cared In the midst of panic and fear With a gauntlet drawn I pushed and broke away I may have lost it Reckless in my thoughts and actions Would you still use it? My closed doors now open You were right the whole time I want what I think to be wrong now. I stutter I stare…

32

The Jester to the court A simple fool A man to bring about life Bring about the Dreary Bring about the Light Bring about stories of Joy & Strife Dance amongst Wax philosophical for Play about the Concepts Reorganize the Notions Preconceived and Not Bring about the Esoteric Bring about only the Palpable Bring about plays of Obscure Lucidity So alone who is he When at home does he see What does a merry walk become Questions, “Who begins to portray me?” Bring about Divinity Bring about Sin City Bring down to Existence and Humility A Jester will never need a court Will never have courtesans He only needs to compliment their world Must succeed in augmenting their reality through his own

0

Apr 20, 2010

Apr 20, 2010 at 8:10 PM UTC

Jester

The Jester to the court A simple fool A man to bring about life Bring about the Dreary Bring about the Light Bring about stories of Joy & Strife Dance amongst Wax philosophical for Play about the Concepts Reorganize the Notions Preconceived and Not Bring about the Esoteric Bring about only the Palpable Bring about plays of Obscure Lucidity So alone who is he When at home does he see What does a merry walk become Questions, “Who begins to portray me?” Bring about Divinity Bring about Sin City Bring down to Existence and Humility A Jester will never need a court Will never have courtesans He only needs to compliment their world Must succeed in augmenting their reality through his own

24

I have to thank you I see who I have been I understand what I was I look to where I am going I have to thank you I feel the pallor of the existence I led I touch the shell I once inhabited I have to thank you I hold no hate I do breathe anger I concede to the pain I pray it is mine alone I have to thank you Without this decimated phase I wouldn’t have pushed through Without the values earned in losing us I would never believed in myself like I do now I have to thank you You understood what it took for me to flourish You hated me for it You craved me for it I have to thank you The chess matches I create are false I always wanted to accept you I always wanted to be your exception (if only because you were mine) I have to thank you I may never tell you I may never even lead you on to this I probably won’t ever give you the respect you are due I have to thank you I have to thank you for For all the things we destroyed even ourselves We are the difference between knowing and being We are the people who will forever be…. I have to thank you I have new existence I have new purpose Though I may wane and my ideas shift Like the sands I asked you to see beauty in Even if some days I grow despondent Like the answers you gave me on those days I have to thank you Good luck………..

0

Apr 6, 2010

Apr 6, 2010 at 11:35 PM UTC

I have to thank you

44

Drawing a blank page Upon polluted canvases Clearing imperfections Working systems amongst visual noise Looking for purity seeking sanctity Just an example some simple image Search the path for stories Of glorious failures The course is litterred with people who succeeded beyond our capabilities.

0

Mar 30, 2010

Mar 30, 2010 at 12:35 PM UTC

noise

Drawing a blank page Upon polluted canvases Clearing imperfections Working systems amongst visual noise Looking for purity seeking sanctity Just an example some simple image Search the path for stories Of glorious failures The course is litterred with people who succeeded beyond our capabilities.

10

We know what it is to be Be a producer A nurturer create in dirt Being from the place we create The people who slaved The people who consume Infinitely those who profit We have been The slave The owner The profiteer Our luxuries have been The sun Dirt Air Satisfaction Power over life Death or growth Mining and stripping Tearing down and barreling Towards an infinite goal I give back to you from whom I take Softly I sob praying it isn’t too late In peace I go Not to some good night But to some hell Where I feel upon my being That which I have done To the ground I give my body To the sky I give my soul May what is left be Let it be Let it be used Used to foster life From what I took Magna Dea I return what was never mine Do what you will In hopes that self sacrifice does What I never could.

0

Mar 24, 2010

Mar 24, 2010 at 11:44 PM UTC

to be

We know what it is to be Be a producer A nurturer create in dirt Being from the place we create The people who slaved The people who consume Infinitely those who profit We have been The slave The owner The profiteer Our luxuries have been The sun Dirt Air Satisfaction Power over life Death or growth Mining and stripping Tearing down and barreling Towards an infinite goal I give back to you from whom I take Softly I sob praying it isn’t too late In peace I go Not to some good night But to some hell Where I feel upon my being That which I have done To the ground I give my body To the sky I give my soul May what is left be Let it be Let it be used Used to foster life From what I took Magna Dea I return what was never mine Do what you will In hopes that self sacrifice does What I never could.

40