I lay on my bed soaking my pillow with my tears,
I try to remember exactly what it is that I fear.
Is it the passing of time or the love that I lack?
Is it the mistakes that I've made or the fact that I can't bring the past back?
What is it that I'm afraid of?
Why am I so scared?
Is it the people I've hurt or the people that have hurt me?
Am I afraid of everything that I can't seem to see?
Is it the love of a friend, or the loss of my family?
Is it the possibility that my life can end in a tragedy?
What is it that I fear most?
What do my eyes say I'm scared of?
Is it the sun that sets but won't seem to rise?
Is it the hope that I have that always seems to die?
Is it the trust of a person that I cannot begin to grasp?
Is it all the memories of my horrid past?
Is it me?
Can it possibly be that the thing I fear most is the thing I can't be?
The things that I try to understand?
The me that I try to be with when I'm feeling sad?
The person I'm expected to be? Is that what I fear? . . .
May 19, 2016
May 19, 2016 at 12:57 PM UTC
My eyes glistening with tears,
But not yet fallen.
I'm crying, but they're silent tears.
I'm crying on the inside so you are unable to see
All the pain running though me.
I never sleep,
For fear of what tomorrow might bring.
How can I be so lost
In a place I know so well?
How can I be so confused
Surrounded by so many?
Always forced to fight.
A fight I never seem to win.
I've fought for so long.
When will this ever end?
Sometimes I walk past everyone as if I were invisible.
Everything's moving with no place to go.
I tell myself that everything's going to be ok,
But it's seizures.
The time it took to change me.
The life I had, I can't have back.
Yet I can't see why all these tears feel so unreal.
I'm not the same, my words are still unsaid.
So instead, I write them on paper.
What I hide is buried deep within me.
So many tears I have shed in the dark,
Hidden away in the privacy of my own thoughts,
Only to be shelved with morning's first light
Because of no courage to speak of my pain.
And it hurts to know that I'll never be the same,
Knowing I'll never be the girl I used to be.
If you only knew what I've been through,
Or maybe you could take a walk in my shoes,
Because this is sometimes how I feel.
May 19, 2016
May 19, 2016 at 12:55 PM UTC
we struggle to have meaning
in this world which we all know
we try but yet we wonder
where we all should go
hidden in the questions
which we can not find
the answers are all hidden
deep inside our minds
hidden in our soul
is the life we try to hide
but in time it will find you
and it will release
all of its secrets hidden beneath
so before it ruins the life you have made
release those dark secrets
and the memories will fade
hidden in our lives are stories left untold
of the things we didn't want them to know
but once you tell somebody
and make your feelings known
the struggle will be over
and you'll finally be home
May 19, 2016
May 19, 2016 at 12:52 PM UTC
Depression is oppression.
It's a deadly hidden message
Defined by self-hate.
It seals its prisoner's fate.
It holds you captive and throws out the key.
It stabs and jabs just to see you bleed,
Inflicting wounds that scar for life.
Destruction is its mother and death its wife.
You can cry, but it will always ignore your screams.
It terrorizes your soul and haunts your dreams.
It sends you false hope through a bottle or pill.
It destroys your goals and inflicts its will.
You can't run, nor can you hide.
By its rules you will abide
Until it celebrates that you have died.
Open your eyes, or you will be its prey.
It will blur your vision in the most twisted way.
It will seek your destruction and call for your head.
You will lie and wait but never rest in your bed.
Peace will come to those who want peace,
But as long as you feed him, you will see the beast.
You can't run, nor can you hide,
But if you conquer the beast, you will survive.
Prayer and hope can lead the way.
Cling on to every word you pray.
Hope is in truth.
Hate is in lies.
Pray for your soul and open your eyes.
May 19, 2016
May 19, 2016 at 12:49 PM UTC
in a world filled with changes
each and every day..
I feel I'm being judged
for what I do and say..
I remember back to Barbies
and play days at the park..
When I didn't worry about
other people's remarks..
Now looking in the mirror
I see to my surprise..
A completely different person
staring in my eyes..
The carefree little girl
I saw at 4 and 5..
Is now becoming a teen..
Just trying to survive...
May 19, 2016
May 19, 2016 at 12:47 PM UTC
My best friend is a book
that doesn't give me a weird look.
It is like a golden door
that takes me to the land where I have never been before.
It tells me the tales of fairy
that take me to the land full of merry.
Some books are bored like history,
which is like a big mystery.
Books are the source of enlightenment
that vanish darkness and fill our life with brightness.
May 19, 2016
May 19, 2016 at 12:43 PM UTC
Wind whistling,
Snow glistening,
We try not to,
But we're all listening.
Loud screams,
Bad dreams,
It's very far,
But close it seems.
Sad day,
Lost our way,
All we can do,
Is simply pray.
Innocence gone,
Life no longer long,
We may not know,
But we're all doing wrong.
Joy lost,
The Holocaust,
We look to see,
Hearts covered in frost.
Wars fought,
Sins taught,
Making mistakes,
Hoping not to be caught.
Not taking blame,
Pushing for fame,
As advanced as we are,
We're still all untamed.
Too much pride,
Needing a guide,
We will deny it,
But behind lies we hide.
Hurting others,
Betraying brother,
Many forgetting,
To appreciate mothers.
Lies are fed,
Filling heart and head,
Through all of these years,
Innocent blood has been shed.
Children abandoned,
Lonely and stranded,
We're all wasting the life
That we have been handed.
Taking from the poor,
We're loving no more,
Fight to be free,
End up starting a war.
People starting fights,
No longer enjoying the sights,
While mere mortals are taking
Our God given rights.
Soldiers killed,
Void can't be filled,
Pay close attention,
For pure souls have been tilled.
Need to find peace,
Work together like geese,
But greatest of all,
The hate needs to cease
May 16, 2016
May 16, 2016 at 12:56 PM UTC
When I am with you
eternity is a step away
my love continues to grow
with each passing day
This treasure of love
I cherish within my soul
how much I love you...
you'll never really know
You bring a joy to my heart
I have never felt before
with each touch of your hand
I love you more and more
Whenever we say goodbye
whenever we part
know I hold you dearly
deep inside my heart
Apr 24, 2016
Apr 24, 2016 at 4:27 PM UTC
Your lips speak soft sweetness
Your touch a cool caress
I am lost in your magic
My heart beats within your chest.
I think of you each morning
and dream of you each night
I think of your arms being around me
and cannot express my delight.
Never have I fallen
but I am quickly on my way
You hold a heart in your hands
that has never before been given away.
Apr 24, 2016
Apr 24, 2016 at 4:21 PM UTC
Capitalism is religion.
Banks are churches.
Bankers are priests.
Wealth is heaven.
Poverty is hell.
Rich people are saints.
Poor people are sinners.
Commodities are blessings.
money is god
Apr 21, 2016
Apr 21, 2016 at 11:09 AM UTC