I miss touch, I miss love,
I miss the softness; skin on skin bones intertwined like an ancient oak trees roots who have been married so long they will never find their way out of the labyrinth
I am scared that is me
I am scared of the labyrinth
A maze of corners, sneers and turns.
Is it is, I'm chasing you
Again
And I thought you loved me like that, we could all see it coming
I’m sorry I’m so bitter, I honestly want you to be happy, but I sit here and listen to you while on the other side I’m sobbing.
No
Not at your words but the fact that they weren’t coming out your mouth the night you ****** her
The night you fell out of love with me
Like people say, for the same reasons
This is why no one could love me
**** I’m sorry, this started out so simple
Just my thoughts on a page, but now it is a mess of people’s minds, people’s emotions
I miss touch, I miss love, I miss the softness; skin on skin. Bones broken.
Jul 29, 2015
Jul 29, 2015 at 8:33 PM UTC
Darkness
The floors are wet
The smell of rusting metal lingers in the air
Am I awake?
I look down at my hands but I cannot see my feet touching the floor
.
For gods sake
Is this real?
My worst nightmare is you
My lips pressed against your mouth as the tip of my tongue slides against yours
Yet I cannot touch you.
Like my hands are bound behind my back except these ropes are made of my own skin
and flesh
And there was guilt rotting in the bottom of my stomach
Because I shouldn’t be dreaming of you anymore but as I close my eyes it’s not you on my mind
It’s her
It’s her lashing out at my best friend because she’s drunk again and bad memories are back
The blood on her knuckles and the tears rolling down her face scares me to death because I know this is not her but I've seen it before
It’s watching her walk away from me because she can’t handle having to see my bones crack and my soul seeping out through my skin like the black tar covering my lungs
It’s her having to watch me breakdown
It’s her having to see me when I can’t even bring myself to get out of bed
It’s her having to see me leave because I don’t know what’s good for me
It’s her having to see me with him.
Aug 15, 2014
Aug 15, 2014 at 6:28 AM UTC
I am distant
I am
the cold wind
howling through
Bare trees
I am
a single
snowflake
falling
to the pavement
melting on impact
I am
the spitting
before the rain
I am nothing
except a warning
before the big storm
It is nothing
Because
I feel nothing
I mean nothing
To this lonely world
Jun 22, 2014
Jun 22, 2014 at 5:38 PM UTC
Its one of those nights
the sickening ache in my stomach won’t leave
everything is so loud i cannot hear peoples speech,
just the screams of the voices so tightly compact in my head.
They are bottled up inside yearning to get out.
I’ve been thinking too much of you
telling my self to stop saying sorry under my breath.
As if you could hear me.
My hands shake
I dropped the glass of water
it smashes to the kitchen floor
glass and liquid
scattered across the room
my blood smeared across the laminate flooring as i try to clean up my mess.
Nothing ever seems to go right for me
I cannot even keep myself alive
Jun 2, 2014
Jun 2, 2014 at 3:45 PM UTC
Burn incense to block out the smell of death and self hate
that lingers in your room
, as you sit up
at 3am
thinking too much
, because your mind is
never at rest.
The musky scent and stuffy atmosphere
, will breakdown your thinking pattern
and your thoughts leaving you mellowed
and able to sleep
for a while…
Somedays every feeling and all my thoughts bombard my mind like a hurricane
Bashing against the walls of my skull wanting to be spilled all over the page
.
like ink in a fountain pen.
Yet there are days
I cannot even think
of words to say
,
when you ask me
what's on my mind
or if I’m okay.
Jun 1, 2014
Jun 1, 2014 at 6:21 PM UTC
Burn incense to block out the smell of death and self hate
that lingers in your room
, as you sit up
at 3am
thinking too much
.
(your mind is
never at rest)
Because the musky scent and stuffy atmosphere
, will breakdown your thinking pattern
and leave you mellowed
and able to sleep
for a while…
May 26, 2014
May 26, 2014 at 3:30 PM UTC
Admire the stars
Look up into the galaxies
The sky goes on for miles
Thousands of solar systems
Waiting to be explored
The stars twinkle lightyears away
Domed above our existence
Watching us as we sleep
Calming and peaceful
It holds us tightly in our atmosphere
May 26, 2014
May 26, 2014 at 3:20 PM UTC
I can’t feel
anything
At all.
There is nothing,
My mind is blank.
Writing is getting hard,
My words just
Feed into each other
Thereisnospacetomoveinthismess.
I can’t focus longer than
A couple minutes,
If that.
It’s like everything is a dream;
Now and again
I wake up
Into a blurred reality,
S lowly
drifting away again
Into the nothingness.
I cannot make out what you are saying,
Scream at me;
I don’t understand.
Anger takes over me,
And a headache
that hasn’t budged for days,
Suddenly rips out of me
Exploding into the air
Covering everything within 5meters;
With stardust
And gun powder.
(I can’t tell the difference)
You’re the only thing
that could make me feel
A little more alive
At the moment,
But I can’t even
get close enough
To your face,
Without shaking
And then collapsing
To the floor.
I’ll smoke cigarettes
And get drunk;
Just to be able
To hear you whisper
In my ear
And to block out
The muffled voices
in my mind.
May 25, 2014
May 25, 2014 at 4:35 AM UTC
I’ve been pulled
and pushed around
all my life
Like a rag doll
And it has ended up
Where I am just
going with the wind
Push me away
Pull me back
close
Mess me around
I dont care anymore
I’ve gotten used to
Being used
May 19, 2014
May 19, 2014 at 2:30 PM UTC
I don’t want to sleep
There are too many noises
(Too many voices)
The tick
Tick
Ticking of the clock
And the silent buzz
Of street lamps
Outside my window
I can hear her breathing
Like the wind
Rushing through the trees
My heart beat
Pulsing in my chest
It gets harder to breathe
Take it slow
Count the seconds
My mind is so awake
But my eyelids
Are falling
closed
And i am choking
Inhaling
Smoke and demons
Exhaling
Carbon dioxide
And ash clouds
My hands are shaky
And my fingers
Are burning red
I feel an electric shock
Jolt through my body
Then entire numbness
May 18, 2014
May 18, 2014 at 5:53 PM UTC