I've smoked all these cigarettes
but I still don't know what "I love you" tastes like
I know hands againsts skin and a face on fire
shaking hands and heartache
but someone tell me
What does I love you taste like
what does it feel like against a hollow ear
I know his fingers on my spine, but not a print on my soul
not one steady syllable
I'm not old enough to say that I've felt it all
but I've felt enough
to feel this sickening ache deep in the pits of who I am
each time I get close enough these words are like sand
running through the cracks between my trembling digits
I swallow down every thought like a hand full of rocks
My throat is screaming raw
I've become too afraid to feel things that I cannot put into words
and to say I want nothing more than to see you
is not enough
because I want everything
including your voice
pressing hot words against my skin instead of finger tips
I want 'I love yous' in my eardrums
but all I get is the sound of my heart beating
and that's starting to sound like a gental lie
I've smoked all these cigarettes
My mouth is desert dry
I cannot force the words out
There is a faint buzzing in the back of my brain
it's more like a thousand wasps
The sound of every "I love you" that's ever been lost
Sep 14, 2013
Sep 14, 2013 at 3:51 AM UTC
Sometimes I get sick to my stomach
and I look at old photographs
Trying to teach my self how to remember again
Sometimes I can feel the shallow cracks beneath my skin
With every long drag and stomach cramp
I relearn the past
and the way a memory can still make my hands shake
I've remembered the feeling of being forgotten
and how it can hollow you out
I will still remember the smiles
Tight hugs
car rides
Bruises
heavy feet crashing against wet grass
while our hearts pounded
I will still remember the sadness in your voice late at night
no matter how much I am forgotten
Jun 25, 2013
Jun 25, 2013 at 5:47 PM UTC
I scrapped my soft skin on the gravel
and they asked me why I bled so much
It's the one thing I do best
I'd rather scab over
and try to heal
but I can't stop the sensation of opening old wounds
Every time I pour myself a drink
I can't help but think of my father
my grandmother
and everyone else I cannot will myself to call
so I bled out to voice mail messages
and try not to hurt anyone else
but I just can't help myself
I am addicted to pain and holding grudges
I forgive those who don't deserve it
just so I can go back again
and scar myself even more
Every time I know I have to hurt someone
I remeber every sad face I've ever seen
My stomach is nausea
I am trying so hard to act like I'm not even phased
but my facade is cracking under all of this weight
I cannot stop this chain smoking habit
because then I'll begin to gnaw at my finger tips
and lord knows I can't bare to lose any more blood
Jun 7, 2013
Jun 7, 2013 at 10:52 PM UTC
This hallway smells like hospital
and he told me to get the hell out
I'm sure he meant before this school eats me alive
so next year I'll come back
with my head pulled out of my ***
and get on with my life
Jun 7, 2013
Jun 7, 2013 at 4:11 PM UTC
I've been told
by the lighthearted
that it is called the present because
it is a gift
but I still find myself with crossed fingers
hoping for a receipt at the bottom of the bag
Jun 7, 2013
Jun 7, 2013 at 12:06 AM UTC
Massacred and double crossed
this is not me crying from loss
or sad poem about how everything I love
treats me like ****
this is me showing you how strong my back bone is
and how from this point I refuse to take any of it
Tear me to shreds
I'll put myself back together again
I'm not made of steal
and I will falter
but I am closer to resolve than I've ever been before
Jun 7, 2013
Jun 7, 2013 at 12:04 AM UTC
chasing cheep liquor
with the taste of defet
and the sound of birds in the morning
I kissed you on the cheek
and told you
that I could no longer love you
Jun 6, 2013
Jun 6, 2013 at 11:21 PM UTC
Criss cross
Applesauce
Spiders running down your back
I climbed out my window
and jumped
I acquired a few bruises
but not from the fall
His breath reeked of stale beer
The first time I had no where to turn
The outcome of abuse and soft kisses
a mean look in your eyes
pumpkin pie
I hope you survive
quite whispers of melodies
your mother used to sing
salt water tastes like childhood
Cool breeze
Tight squeeze
Now I've got the shiveries
May 18, 2013
May 18, 2013 at 4:10 PM UTC
I peeled back the mask and gazed into
the endless portals that made up my eyes
Dipping fingers into the pools of water
cheek bones
piano keys
teeth
self-discovery
The water rolls down my fingers
but I can’t seem to get it off my skin
It clings to me and stings
This water is holy and I am paper thin
A demon lies within
I whisper to myself
A reminder to hold myself at night
but not too tight
do not wake my sin
Crack me open
But gently
I will spill
A pool of galaxies
Infinity
And everything that makes up each and every one of you
Something deeper
Something beautiful
May 10, 2013
May 10, 2013 at 9:52 AM UTC
Double shot of expresso
and I'm screaming inside
You're tearing yourself open right before my eyes
and I am nodding my head
as if to say it is all alright
And I know that you love her
and that I am the
confidant
you spill secrets to me in dimly lit rooms
and with the children screaming
we run away
with the one I should keep you from
and he flirts from the front seat
Batting eyelashes like the pretty girls do
We are catastrophes
but we just can't let go
and maybe that's the reason
my heart is so ******* full
Apr 18, 2013
Apr 18, 2013 at 10:17 PM UTC