i wish i told you
(that it's not your fault, it never was your fault in all the ways you told yourself to stay i know you thought about my happiness every single time)
i wish i knew better
(than to do what i did, than to take it out on you as if it wasn't my problem but yours, as if i was the victim and i did nothing wrong)
i wish i never held you back
(never tried to keep you to myself, but i realized too late when you left that i wasn't loving you the way i was supposed to, that i became the kind of lover i told myself i wouldn't become)
Oct 16, 2017
Oct 16, 2017 at 10:44 AM UTC
remind me of what i used to love
remind me that i still do
remind me that i always will
your fingerprints
forever on my ribs
residing in the place between
hurt and comfort
remind me that you don't
remind me that i'm no longer
part of you
remind me that i never was
that you were never ready
that i was never meant for the long run
(i am terrified of living in
your memories as someone
you learned to hate
that what you choose to keep
fuels the fire of why you left)
Aug 29, 2017
Aug 29, 2017 at 11:34 AM UTC
(could have, should have)
darling when will you realize
that you cannot own time
that you can set clocks but
you can't control the rate
at which the arms will move
that time is not of this earth
that time never listens to anybody
it is its own mistress
time
doesn't want anything to do
with us and yet it's the most
important thing we have
time
carved itself into the velvet
of the universe
and made a home for itself
time
always seems to morph
into someone you love -
there's always the right time
always not enough time
always time and time and time
again
(could have, should have)
my darling time
is the repetition of the seasons
how everything changes but is
still the same
how we seem to stretch into our bones
but still feel how we did
my darling
time
sinks its teeth into our
could haves and should haves
feeding off the things
we wish we did
the things we wish
we could do differently
time
becomes our enemy
until we realize
that although it
will never listen to us
it will let us in
if we just let it.
Jul 21, 2017
Jul 21, 2017 at 1:25 AM UTC
you're not doing well
with skin like bed sheets
ebbing tides in your forehead
and the malady that keeps your mind guessing,
these next six nights
of not having to feel
so alone will make you
fall back into sleep
to grow roots.
i'll cut holes in the ozone
to put your heartache in
i'll walk you to the hospital,
i'll wait in a white room,
place your sad eyes in my drawers
until my hand breaks
the universe is twice as big as we think it is
and 'you are so important to me'
is easier to digest than
skipping heart beats
i miss you like a dart hits the iris of a bullseye,
or a train ticket screams 4:30 at 4:47,
and
i've fallen in love
you're the only one that made that idea
less devastating.
Jul 21, 2017
Jul 21, 2017 at 1:23 AM UTC
the bible says faith
is the assurance of things
hoped for, the conviction
of things not seen.
how strange and yet
magical it is for us
to believe and remember
in things we do not know
the way the three kings
believed the star would
bring them to the child Jesus
the way people used to believe
that the phases of the moon
meant life, death, and rebirth
symbolizing the way a woman's
womb would swell once they
bear a child
the way we hold onto history
as if we are witnesses of
every horror and heartbreak
remembering the lost souls
using what we had to find out
what we will have
faith is total trust
and surrender
knowing that the world
began with adam and eve
but not knowing how it
will end
for the moon
the stars
our history
can only tell us so much
and our faith
is the honey found in heaven
the conviction that someday it
will be all we taste
i believe
i believe
i believe
May 28, 2017
May 28, 2017 at 11:08 PM UTC
i worship gorgeous petals
in seas and
you moaning
Apr 16, 2017
Apr 16, 2017 at 9:44 AM UTC
look into each other's eyes and count the galaxies in them. then remember that the universe constantly changes, and so do you.
Jan 19, 2017
Jan 19, 2017 at 10:37 AM UTC
my boy's got sunshine in his hair
and his mouth can rap pretty verses
he's looking up at the same sky
he's speaking in an entirely
different language but i can
understand how happy he is
his sharp canine smile
crooked in the light
his laugh is a lullaby i use
to sing myself to sleep
my boy's got galaxies in
his eyes and i still wonder
why i love the stars
my boy is a golden boy
and half of me
cannot compare to
half of what he is
someone once asked me
what i would love
about him if i
was given the chance
i pointed at his heart -
"this, and so much more."
Nov 20, 2016
Nov 20, 2016 at 8:09 AM UTC
no one taught me
how to love
without the mandatory
'i love you's, without
fabricated appreciation
just because everyone else
was doing it,
no one taught me
the rawness of it all
how the feeling
consumes you like
fire and makes you
speak in a language
you never knew
you could speak
no one taught me
how to express myself
in ways that don't
slip between people's
fingers like water,
with palms up
heart cut out and bleeding
every pad and print
facing the earth
each vulnerability visible
from the stars
no one taught me
how to keep my emotions
running like a broken tap
because for years
i'd switch it off
once i thought i was done
dealing with them
and afterwards i'd never
want to run my hands
through the water
ever again because
i was scared to feel
no one taught me
how to love how
to express myself
how to feel
that once i loved
i burned like rome
i loved people more
than they would ever
love me, i'd always
love them too much and
once i learned how
to be vulnerable i
ended up tearing my heart out
and giving it to the
first person that
would listen
once i learned how
to feel i felt
too much to the point
of drowning my hands
rubbed raw from
running through
the water one too many times
no one taught me
how to live in greys
so i live in
blacks and whites
all or nothing
too much or too little
a constant push and pull -
i just want to be whole.
i just want to be whole.
Oct 26, 2016
Oct 26, 2016 at 11:13 AM UTC
to the little girl
who sits by the tv screen,
watching encantadia—
lireo is where you belong,
your palms big enough
to hold the kingdoms of sapiro,
lireo, hathoria, and etheria in
your hands, keeping
the brilyantes of air, water, earth
and fire in the four chambers of
your heart to keep peace
in our world.
you are an amihan,
open to the truth of
an entirely different continent
coexisting with the mortal world
that you know,
never letting death keep you
from closing in on yourself
like an abandoned cathedral;
you are soft and gentle in
all the ways she tries to lead,
dangerous in the way
cassopeia's prophecy was fulfilled,
bringing the ruin of hathoria.
do not be afraid when
pirena comes, rage and
hade! hade! hade! against the beating
of the earth against your feet,
stealing the holy fire in your heart.
it will keep burning, arrows aimed
and the war won and you will
get it back.
you will get it back.
ilantre ivi e corre?
ilantre ivi hasne masne?
the people wonder.
you are a descendant of the
diwatas powerful and
almighty in the elements
of the world you hold close;
under your reign,
corre will return,
masne will start its journey.
kingdoms will be brought
to their knees.
you will never forget
the land where you came from
mingling with the magic
in your veins
you are one of many
a lot of things you can never compromise.
ivi esna adelan e...
Oct 13, 2016
Oct 13, 2016 at 2:15 AM UTC