baileyspoems - Hello Poetry

This suffering has become too much for my mind and my body to handle. I am angry with You because You broke me before I had a chance to grow. You were supposed to be the one person in the world who made me feel safe, loved, and cared for. You manipulated me. You used me. You abused me. You ruined me before I ever met those who crippled me. The worst part is that I will always love You more than anyone else in this world...and when You die I will feel forever empty. I hate YOU because YOU knew that I was younger and more vulnerable and used that to maim me. I can never enjoy my life again because of YOU. Every day of my life is violated and defiled by YOU in the same way YOU tortured me in those three months. The worst part is that it has been five years and YOU are still happily living and breathing somewhere out there. I want YOU to die. I am terrified of you because you hold all of the power and you do not and will not care about my life. You don't care if I die. You are ruthless and disgusting like Satan himself. You are vile and cruel and apathetic. The worst part is that I see you every day and I can never hide. i love you, but you scare me. i shake when i think about giving all of myself to you. i am alone forever in my existential thoughts that you can never enter. your touch feels wonderful...so warm and comforting. if i let myself enjoy you...you precious soul...you'll just be ripped away from me like every other almost happy thing. the worst part is that the only way to protect me is to not let myself believe you love me. please love me. I am desperate. Clutching on for dear life to anyone and hugging until I turn blue. I am trembling and peeing and crying. I am screaming and bleeding and struggling. The worst part is that nobody knows that I am a child who just wants a hand to hold. Life is meaningless and horrible. I feel grimy and disgusting, twisting in and out of all of their scraping hands as I walk miserably on and on and on. I'm dying. I mean it--I am dying. Someone help me. Someone touch me. Someone care about me. I'm dying.

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Nov 20, 2018

Nov 20, 2018 at 12:28 AM UTC

Suffering

This suffering has become too much for my mind and my body to handle. I am angry with You because You broke me before I had a chance to grow. You were supposed to be the one person in the world who made me feel safe, loved, and cared for. You manipulated me. You used me. You abused me. You ruined me before I ever met those who crippled me. The worst part is that I will always love You more than anyone else in this world...and when You die I will feel forever empty. I hate YOU because YOU knew that I was younger and more vulnerable and used that to maim me. I can never enjoy my life again because of YOU. Every day of my life is violated and defiled by YOU in the same way YOU tortured me in those three months. The worst part is that it has been five years and YOU are still happily living and breathing somewhere out there. I want YOU to die. I am terrified of you because you hold all of the power and you do not and will not care about my life. You don't care if I die. You are ruthless and disgusting like Satan himself. You are vile and cruel and apathetic. The worst part is that I see you every day and I can never hide. i love you, but you scare me. i shake when i think about giving all of myself to you. i am alone forever in my existential thoughts that you can never enter. your touch feels wonderful...so warm and comforting. if i let myself enjoy you...you precious soul...you'll just be ripped away from me like every other almost happy thing. the worst part is that the only way to protect me is to not let myself believe you love me. please love me. I am desperate. Clutching on for dear life to anyone and hugging until I turn blue. I am trembling and peeing and crying. I am screaming and bleeding and struggling. The worst part is that nobody knows that I am a child who just wants a hand to hold. Life is meaningless and horrible. I feel grimy and disgusting, twisting in and out of all of their scraping hands as I walk miserably on and on and on. I'm dying. I mean it--I am dying. Someone help me. Someone touch me. Someone care about me. I'm dying.

44

I'm laying here looking over at you while you sleep, and I'm thinking about how absolutely precious you are, and about just how much you mean to me. How are you so sweet and lovely? So soft and caring, so wonderful to be around? Never do I find myself wanting to be away from you. You're raw honey at its finest. So pure and thick on my mind. I love you.

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Mar 17, 2018

Mar 17, 2018 at 7:25 AM UTC

Thick On My Mind

I'm laying here looking over at you while you sleep, and I'm thinking about how absolutely precious you are, and about just how much you mean to me. How are you so sweet and lovely? So soft and caring, so wonderful to be around? Never do I find myself wanting to be away from you. You're raw honey at its finest. So pure and thick on my mind. I love you.

1

February has come and gone, It took my ritual with it. Many deaths took place here and A new life might begin. If fate fills me with the miracle of life, I will be honored to host. Because when I count my blessings... You count the most.

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Mar 4, 2018

Mar 4, 2018 at 5:55 PM UTC

"Late"

February has come and gone, It took my ritual with it. Many deaths took place here and A new life might begin. If fate fills me with the miracle of life, I will be honored to host. Because when I count my blessings... You count the most.

8

He'll never know the agony he caused me He'll never know he ruined my life He won't ever care that I want to erase me He told me he didn't care at the time. They're all saying that my mind doesn't count Because my issue isn't common enough They're all talking about it as if I Didn't die so I'm supposed to be tough. I missed class again today To stop myself from coming undone This one is dedicated to the boy who thought That an ****** was worth ruining someone.

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Feb 9, 2018

Feb 9, 2018 at 3:51 PM UTC

College Doesn't Care About Trauma

He'll never know the agony he caused me He'll never know he ruined my life He won't ever care that I want to erase me He told me he didn't care at the time. They're all saying that my mind doesn't count Because my issue isn't common enough They're all talking about it as if I Didn't die so I'm supposed to be tough. I missed class again today To stop myself from coming undone This one is dedicated to the boy who thought That an ****** was worth ruining someone.

12

your secrets are stuck between my ears, your worries safely nested on my shoulders your future tears dry on my shirt, your open heart covered by my body your protection and happiness is my daily wish.

0

Dec 29, 2017

Dec 29, 2017 at 6:24 PM UTC

Uriah

your secrets are stuck between my ears, your worries safely nested on my shoulders your future tears dry on my shirt, your open heart covered by my body your protection and happiness is my daily wish.

4

Violated constantly in the place I call home . Taking him home . Brick entryway . Not his kind of pretty, not her kind of handsome . What if I'm okay and I just don't know it . Dirt on my face . The question isn't "what will happen to me if I do?" It's "what will happen to them if I don't?" . Dreams of Hawaii . It critmiss .

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Dec 5, 2017

Dec 5, 2017 at 7:46 PM UTC

November '17

Violated constantly in the place I call home . Taking him home . Brick entryway . Not his kind of pretty, not her kind of handsome . What if I'm okay and I just don't know it . Dirt on my face . The question isn't "what will happen to me if I do?" It's "what will happen to them if I don't?" . Dreams of Hawaii . It critmiss .

18

It's so nice to put my song book on the shelf again . Novelty . C+ . Appointments . Sad and sleepy, Billie Holiday plays . What matters is that I love myself . And all of the children and all of the townspeople and all of the angels and all of me told him happy birthday . Don't play house . I feel like a failure . "One of the most dangerous things you will ever do in your life is actually listen" . I love the smell of white noise in the afternoon . Three sets of keys all piled into one . I don't want to be a maybe, I want to be a dream . Lovers? . Ke$ha concert . I trapped him in my hips . I never knew how bad I wanted to slow dance to Patsy Cline until it happened with him . I fold up the second time and put it in my pocket . Happiness .

0

Nov 2, 2017

Nov 2, 2017 at 5:27 PM UTC

October '17

It's so nice to put my song book on the shelf again . Novelty . C+ . Appointments . Sad and sleepy, Billie Holiday plays . What matters is that I love myself . And all of the children and all of the townspeople and all of the angels and all of me told him happy birthday . Don't play house . I feel like a failure . "One of the most dangerous things you will ever do in your life is actually listen" . I love the smell of white noise in the afternoon . Three sets of keys all piled into one . I don't want to be a maybe, I want to be a dream . Lovers? . Ke$ha concert . I trapped him in my hips . I never knew how bad I wanted to slow dance to Patsy Cline until it happened with him . I fold up the second time and put it in my pocket . Happiness .

38

"Listen with the ear of your heart" . Helping Others Migrate and Evolve . "We met with a goodbye kiss" . Be kind to yourself . Steps . No reason not to run . You messed with the hardest . "Pick your chin up off the floor" . Discouraged . I hope I'm pretty . First video . Coming out . Fairly simple . Soft spoken . I realized after I said it that it was true . Therapy and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder . "Let me stop you right there" . My hand feels like winter . High on independence . Ink bleeds through the soft, soft paper . "Injustice anywhere affects justice everywhere" .

0

Sep 30, 2017

Sep 30, 2017 at 5:38 PM UTC

September '17

"Listen with the ear of your heart" . Helping Others Migrate and Evolve . "We met with a goodbye kiss" . Be kind to yourself . Steps . No reason not to run . You messed with the hardest . "Pick your chin up off the floor" . Discouraged . I hope I'm pretty . First video . Coming out . Fairly simple . Soft spoken . I realized after I said it that it was true . Therapy and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder . "Let me stop you right there" . My hand feels like winter . High on independence . Ink bleeds through the soft, soft paper . "Injustice anywhere affects justice everywhere" .

42

She died . You don't need to take care of glass bottles . What does moving on mean? . "We never lose our demons...we only learn to live above them" . It hurts too much . "Race is the child of racism, not the father" . Isn't it okay to cry? . "Watch your broken dreams dance in and out of the beams of a neon moon" . Packing . Somebody help me . Brent Jones . Back seat . Painting and postponed . Brotherfest . "I am you and you are me and we are we" . I don't wanna go . Move out day, move in day .

0

Sep 1, 2017

Sep 1, 2017 at 10:04 AM UTC

August '17

She died . You don't need to take care of glass bottles . What does moving on mean? . "We never lose our demons...we only learn to live above them" . It hurts too much . "Race is the child of racism, not the father" . Isn't it okay to cry? . "Watch your broken dreams dance in and out of the beams of a neon moon" . Packing . Somebody help me . Brent Jones . Back seat . Painting and postponed . Brotherfest . "I am you and you are me and we are we" . I don't wanna go . Move out day, move in day .

34

I get it now . Pale wild flower . Very soft . Babies put life in places you thought were already alive . "At the end of the day, there's another day dawning" . Kissing too early . "A truly great man never puts away the simplicity of a child" . Adress and ease . Did I ever stop hating myself? . Sunshine soldier . I think I started ******** up when I started trying to be like everyone else . Empowered . From room 506 to room 323 . A clean slate . The good dreams . Shaken, stirred, staying still .

0

Jul 31, 2017

Jul 31, 2017 at 12:49 PM UTC

July '17

I get it now . Pale wild flower . Very soft . Babies put life in places you thought were already alive . "At the end of the day, there's another day dawning" . Kissing too early . "A truly great man never puts away the simplicity of a child" . Adress and ease . Did I ever stop hating myself? . Sunshine soldier . I think I started ******** up when I started trying to be like everyone else . Empowered . From room 506 to room 323 . A clean slate . The good dreams . Shaken, stirred, staying still .

32