please don't stop me
from being a dreamer
an idealist
a critic
i need those parts of me,
a sense of purpose in
a
confused navigation of my twenties
i am sorry i am not
what you thought i would be,
grateful and desperate for an organised life,
actually,
no i'm ******* not.
Aug 14, 2019
Aug 14, 2019 at 6:38 PM UTC
what should i believe in?
could it be religion,
a thing i was raised with,
but now i question,
ironically,
religiously.
what do i believe in?
could it be in nothing,
and no-one,
thinking that we are
mere mortals,
and there is nothing for us after this.
what can i believe in?
when the god i have been told
loves us all,
shuts out so many people,
for their wants,
their desires,
their love
what is left to believe in?
i guess only myself,
and what a terrible
terrible weight
that feels.
May 6, 2019
May 6, 2019 at 5:51 PM UTC
It has been said,
rather eloquently by Fleabag,
that women are born with pain within them,
whilst men have to learn to feel pain.
nothing that has ever been said,
has ever given me this much clarity
i am in pain,
for differing reasons,
sometimes quite out of my control
my hormone profile
is turbulent and more often than not,
it succeeds at
pushing in the darkness
i will now spend a week,
waiting for my ovaries to leak,
and for the tears to run dry.
Apr 29, 2019
Apr 29, 2019 at 6:28 PM UTC
i'm scared
that its all gonna fall apart
me and you
fall apart at the seams
because you and i
are never in the same place
it used to annoy me
how much you wanted me
all the time; as though i was a new toy
guess i was right about that
because now you're too tired to even ask
i'm scared
that we could be over
i don't want us to be over
but i
can't keep the grey out
much longer.
Jan 16, 2019
Jan 16, 2019 at 6:46 PM UTC
we are all held together
by little tiny seams,
bound together with the lightest touch,
yet somehow,
resilient
it's funny how
quickly we are all overwhelmed
by boys and girls and love
and lust
and how quickly
it threatens our fragile self.
I often wonder what it would feel like,
to just loosen
my grip on reality, on myself, on how I feel,
how freeing it must be,
to unbound at the seams.
Oct 29, 2018
Oct 29, 2018 at 7:44 PM UTC
tell me
why am i waiting on you
waiting for you
to come back
to love me fully
to hold me
let me know
when you'll be coming home
and home is of course not a place
but is simply just with me
tell me
are we ever gonna be on the same page again?
whether it's dogs or cats or fighting wars
will we ever fight for the same thing?
oh please
tell me
will you ever be ready to listen
or is this dream
has this dream
run it's course
and i
am obselete once more ?
Aug 22, 2018
Aug 22, 2018 at 7:21 PM UTC
Irritants need irrigating,
like plants need watering
like the sun needs the moon
and the stars depend on their own brilliance.
The hardest thing about being an irritant,
is your own awareness of it
and your own
desperate
need to irrigate.
Jun 9, 2018
Jun 9, 2018 at 9:54 PM UTC
Why is it
that at 2:51 am
i am not enough?
at 2:51 am
i am alone here
not many people talk to me anymore
i haven't solidified many friendships
so everyone just
dissipates.
at 2:51 am
i can listen to old songs
that remind me of old times
and old stresses and old boys
old desperation to fit
yep
it's 2:51 am,
I am alone and that's exactly
how it should be.
Jun 9, 2018
Jun 9, 2018 at 9:52 PM UTC
tonight I realised,
the implications of having a pal,
someone who you see in both the moon
and sun,
someone who you would happily lay bare for,
secrets sprinkled and insecurities glistening.
tonight I realised,
the importance of self,
allowing myself to remain as whole as possible,
for when the other one starts to crumble,
i felt my torso dissipate.
tonight I realised,
the desperation of love,
something so tangible,
it is etched onto your corneas,
for when he shatters,
you can seldom hold it together.
tonight I realised,
I am really ******* in love,
and consequently ******* *******
Jan 22, 2018
Jan 22, 2018 at 5:29 PM UTC
I wasn't scared,
independent
I wasn't aware,
naive,
I wasn't sad,
careless,
I was ready,
I was confident in us,
I still am.
I am okay,
until the 11pm 'i miss you'.
Jan 20, 2018
Jan 20, 2018 at 4:55 PM UTC