I would never be empty all this year
I would fill every jar with my pocket money
I would smell every flower, sniff it bald
I would paint my town in lavender, my favorite color
I would put yellow in every blue skies
I would pour apple tea in our wine glass
I would feel sun burnt in everg degree
I would set every clock to 1 am but yours to 3 pm
I would wear my winter coat in summer
and I would be me, no matter even if millions doesn't like me
as I am in the right hand
Love is nonsense consent feeling
and I want to sense the nonsense with you
my rightfully lover.
Mar 4, 2025
Mar 4, 2025 at 10:14 AM UTC
i cherised ourselves in silence breeze
at every corner of crowd we've cultured together
and on every personalities i've dictaded
i've grown my trees on you
yet you put an end to my tree
i should had known you're my lumberjack behind me
brought axe sharpened behind my corner
you'd warmed me by the fireplace
branches by branches
from the trees i've nurtured on you
at least i still get warmth for a second
a milli if i could tell
at least i still get warmth
and i asked
and i asked you
for once
you said
you put effort on your tree
you cared too much for me
you've watered it down
with sweet sweat with sour tears
for me
but i still smell me on your fire
mahogany vanilla, fresh autumn
orangish purple, i could visioned
and i asked
and i asked you
million times
all you said was
it was your tree
your ******* tree
your tree that you couldn't named of
what was the wood what was the fruit
what was it? you didn't know
lame
i extinguished flame you engulfed
that only affected on us
your option was go and go away
some i couldnt choose
i let myself stranded in your tiny little miniature
of towns you've built over my anxiety
by words youve trashed down
on my feelings
if i stay, i'd soaked my soil with my ***** tempest
if i go, i 'd walked on invisible string gagged and blindfolded
i choose to stay
growing trees on anger
i bow down
if i stand up
i could see all direction
and i could see you watering down
your tree on your person
such a gardener you are
Apr 22, 2024
Apr 22, 2024 at 9:12 AM UTC
5 years ago I wrote a poem with the exact title
desperate and hopeless
losing myself and I really don't know who I am
Some years I tried to seek the truth
about why am I like this
what happened to me
where did it go wrong
when did it happened
and who am I?
I seek proper medication
proper healing
burned a whole money bucks
but it worth it
with hundred things to avoid
thousand things to be lessen
some prescription things to be taken
now, today, may 18th
I got to feel the most normal birthday ever
I found her, vividly I saw her
in blue, grey, red, orange, and every dawn
in every scenery
I found her, happy
but maybe still feel a little pain
but at least she could control what she couldn't before
I lover her before
and I lover her after
I love you
it ain't easy
two lessons that I got
to reach out whenever you feel sad
and to be happy in secretive
Jakarta, 18 May 2022.
May 18, 2022
May 18, 2022 at 12:42 PM UTC
semua orang tersenyum
semua orang bahagia
itu yang nampak
ketika langit gelap
bintang bertaburan
sepi sendiri
semua orang menangis
semua orang bersedih
itu yang sesungguhnya
Apr 29, 2020
Apr 29, 2020 at 1:11 PM UTC
everything that will happen tomorrow
is a blueprint of yesterday's ignorance
Apr 28, 2020
Apr 28, 2020 at 1:06 PM UTC
ini sudah malam
matahari sudah tidak nampak
jalanan sudah sepi
burung pun kembali ke sarangnya
ini sudah larut
aku sudah berada di kasurku
kamu pun juga di kasurmu
diantara kita, masih sama-sama diam
aku sudah lelah
setelah menunggumu semalaman
sampai hatiku merintih menyesal
tapi tak ada lagi sapaan darimu malam ini
aku terlelap
setelah semalaman menangis
menyesal, kenapa aku tidak memaafkanmu
menyesal, kenapa aku tidak memintamu kembali
kalau bulan bisa memberi tahu
harusnya aku yang memulai
-
namun malam ini aku diam
kamu pun, diam
Apr 27, 2020
Apr 27, 2020 at 11:37 AM UTC
hey
i hope you're in good shape
i really hope so
it's been 23 months
i was not sure how many gallons of tear
i've been drowned by
i was not....
sure
i just...
it's been to long
i completely forget what you look like
and i am happy about that
but the fact that i couldn't erase everything related to you
from my mind
i despise that
midnight struck,
i decide to write
and i don't have enough love story
to be written
my dull brain just decided to remember
sometime in 2018
and you
oh dear,
oh dear....
how are you t?
help me from tearing myself away
by being gone forever from my mind
can you?
....
Mar 29, 2020
Mar 29, 2020 at 2:44 PM UTC
mungkin akan menjadi cerita ter-lusuh yang pernah aku tulis
-----
ingat ketika aku dan kamu di padang rumput yang menguning?
lalu kita sama-sama terpukau dengan pemandangan di depan mata
waktu itu kita sama-sama tidak berusaha memotretnya
karena masing-masing kita hanya fokus mencari ide untuk memulai percakapan
mungkin saat itu aku sudah terpikir sesuatu untuk aku mulai
tapi lucunya, malah kamu yang memulai percakapan
waktu itu kamu bertanya tentang kehidupanku semester ini
baik atau tidak baik
seperti biasa aku mengumpat, sungguh, tidak baik hidupku satu semester ini
kamu tertawa, entah menertawakan nasibku atau reaksiku
kamu tertawa seakan aku baru saja memberi lelucon terlucu abad ini
mungkin kalau kamu bukan kamu, aku sudah marah
tapi aku justru suka
dan jujur, aku bisa saja bersyukur mempunyai nasib seburuk itu hanya untuk mendengarkanmu tertawa
setelah itu giliranmu bercerita
aku sudah bisa menebak, ceritamu pasti seputar hal yang tidak penting
dan memang benar.....
tapi aku tetap mendengarkan, karena pupil matamu melebar
tanda kamu suka dengan hal yang kamu ceritakan
dan aku suka ketika kamu semangat dalam meceritakannya
aku mendengarkan
-//-
waktu berjalan, obrolan kami mulai masuk dalam topik yang rumit
tentang penciptaan, tentang dunia, tentang alasan kami hidup
biasanya otakku mulai memanas ketika membicarakan hal ini
dengan lawan bicara yang lain
tapi denganmu, aku mengidamkan lebih
seperti perpustakaan yang disinari lampu kuning hangat
dan kutu buku yang tersenyum membaca tumpukan buku harum
setelahnya...
Jan 5, 2020
Jan 5, 2020 at 11:23 AM UTC
i always thought something bad happened
in a midway of our journey
that sometimes i found myself with trembling hands
i have lover
i have friends
wealth
health
and everything
you might be dreamt of
but it never changed how timid i am
in every path, every direction
and i always found myself lost in blue
May 10, 2019
May 10, 2019 at 3:37 AM UTC
terjebak dalam difraksi momen
menatap segala hirauanmu
yang kuanggap sebuah petuah
aku berdiri dalam kesunyian
diacuhkan dalam situasi
yang kuharap segera berlalu
Jan 5, 2019
Jan 5, 2019 at 6:24 AM UTC