atlas-the-bug - Hello Poetry

You are beautiful I see it in the way your crooked teeth show when you smile big enough to make me choke I feel it in the soft cracks in your voice when you are nervous You are beautiful In the way that your body shakes with all the energy bursting through your fingertips like life isn’t always moving at your pace In the way that your brows furrow when you are focused You are beautiful Like the golden red and orange sunset reflecting on the ocean and big puffy clouds tinted pink Like handpicked bouquets you gave to your mother when you were 7 I love the way your toes curl and your hands shake when you’re anxious I love brushing my fingers across the soft expanse of your skin, every freckle and scar, the stretch marks that grew with every inch that you did You are beautiful I am so lucky to live a life with you in it

0

Aug 19, 2021

Aug 19, 2021 at 5:13 PM UTC

You are beautiful

You are beautiful I see it in the way your crooked teeth show when you smile big enough to make me choke I feel it in the soft cracks in your voice when you are nervous You are beautiful In the way that your body shakes with all the energy bursting through your fingertips like life isn’t always moving at your pace In the way that your brows furrow when you are focused You are beautiful Like the golden red and orange sunset reflecting on the ocean and big puffy clouds tinted pink Like handpicked bouquets you gave to your mother when you were 7 I love the way your toes curl and your hands shake when you’re anxious I love brushing my fingers across the soft expanse of your skin, every freckle and scar, the stretch marks that grew with every inch that you did You are beautiful I am so lucky to live a life with you in it

13

I mourn all the dreams I can’t recall when morning comes All the moments I was moving too fast to cherish what I love I mourn the friends who left and went on to better things The ones who out grew me The ones who pretend they don’t remember how we used to know the secrets no one else knew I know I behave like a child sometimes Throwing temper tantrums and pretending like I don’t want to cry I know I act like I am not affected by it all Like my life is full of sunshine even in the nighttime I’m so tired of the charade Are you someone I can count on To be okay with me Even when it rains

0

Aug 19, 2021

Aug 19, 2021 at 5:12 PM UTC

Mourning the person you used to be

I mourn all the dreams I can’t recall when morning comes All the moments I was moving too fast to cherish what I love I mourn the friends who left and went on to better things The ones who out grew me The ones who pretend they don’t remember how we used to know the secrets no one else knew I know I behave like a child sometimes Throwing temper tantrums and pretending like I don’t want to cry I know I act like I am not affected by it all Like my life is full of sunshine even in the nighttime I’m so tired of the charade Are you someone I can count on To be okay with me Even when it rains

13

How sad is it That the validation I get Comes from people who don’t even know me yet And I cling to it It makes no common sense To believe in strangers opinions over your friends But how could I believe that the people who love me Wouldn’t lie to my face When it’s all I’ve ever known Getting older means learning how to cope with change And growing up from the child your parents raised And you can’t do it all alone You’ll have to learn to pick up your phone My mother used to say that friends would never last and I shouldn’t trust that anyone would have my back She said that family was the only ones who would love every piece of me regardless But that just wasn’t true Her love came with conditions too So it’s sad that now When I’m feeling down I don’t feel like I can reach out to my friends So instead I cry to the internet and When people ask me why I tell them it’s because rejection is easier to swallow when the relationship is hallow I’m so sorry that I can’t always be that Sun-shining person you think I am So I’ll hide from you when I’m feeling blue So you don’t see every scrape cut and bruise That I dug and carved right out of my heart Just to feel like I am human too

0

Aug 19, 2021

Aug 19, 2021 at 5:08 PM UTC

How can I be vulnerable?

How sad is it That the validation I get Comes from people who don’t even know me yet And I cling to it It makes no common sense To believe in strangers opinions over your friends But how could I believe that the people who love me Wouldn’t lie to my face When it’s all I’ve ever known Getting older means learning how to cope with change And growing up from the child your parents raised And you can’t do it all alone You’ll have to learn to pick up your phone My mother used to say that friends would never last and I shouldn’t trust that anyone would have my back She said that family was the only ones who would love every piece of me regardless But that just wasn’t true Her love came with conditions too So it’s sad that now When I’m feeling down I don’t feel like I can reach out to my friends So instead I cry to the internet and When people ask me why I tell them it’s because rejection is easier to swallow when the relationship is hallow I’m so sorry that I can’t always be that Sun-shining person you think I am So I’ll hide from you when I’m feeling blue So you don’t see every scrape cut and bruise That I dug and carved right out of my heart Just to feel like I am human too

29

Have you ever starved yourself to the point of sickness? Empty and hallow and still trying to give pieces of yourself that don’t exist You take another pill, tell another lie, say to yourself, your family and friends you are fine Eat just enough to get by Hope they don’t notice the gaps getting larger between your meals and your thighs You take sleeping pills because sleep has become harder and harder to reach The pit in your stomach screams loudly Warning you that it’s empty Reluctantly you go and swallow your pride And hope that will last you through the evening

0

Dec 14, 2020

Dec 14, 2020 at 1:36 AM UTC

TW: disorder eating

Have you ever starved yourself to the point of sickness? Empty and hallow and still trying to give pieces of yourself that don’t exist You take another pill, tell another lie, say to yourself, your family and friends you are fine Eat just enough to get by Hope they don’t notice the gaps getting larger between your meals and your thighs You take sleeping pills because sleep has become harder and harder to reach The pit in your stomach screams loudly Warning you that it’s empty Reluctantly you go and swallow your pride And hope that will last you through the evening

10

What will I do if all the time I’ve spent trying to fix myself doesn’t work out I don’t really know what’s wrong with me I’m in therapy I started taking medication too I’m worried that I’m wrong about how I feel What if the thing I’m dealing with is much bigger For half a year I’ve questioned myself I thought I figured it all out But there is doubt in the back of my mind I don’t know if I’ll ever feel alright There is nothing I can do I don’t want to make any wrong moves What if I’m wrong about all of this And I make mistakes that are permanent I just want to feel okay And not want to die everyday How do you sort through your thoughts And figure out why you feel so stuck On top of all this I can’t cry anymore It’s been a while since I’ve been able to I wish everyday that I’ll reach my breaking point Just to feel alive again Finding joy in imaginary things Feeling hurt by all the things I’m missing

0

Jul 20, 2020

Jul 20, 2020 at 10:30 PM UTC

Doubt

What will I do if all the time I’ve spent trying to fix myself doesn’t work out I don’t really know what’s wrong with me I’m in therapy I started taking medication too I’m worried that I’m wrong about how I feel What if the thing I’m dealing with is much bigger For half a year I’ve questioned myself I thought I figured it all out But there is doubt in the back of my mind I don’t know if I’ll ever feel alright There is nothing I can do I don’t want to make any wrong moves What if I’m wrong about all of this And I make mistakes that are permanent I just want to feel okay And not want to die everyday How do you sort through your thoughts And figure out why you feel so stuck On top of all this I can’t cry anymore It’s been a while since I’ve been able to I wish everyday that I’ll reach my breaking point Just to feel alive again Finding joy in imaginary things Feeling hurt by all the things I’m missing

25

When I say I love you like I love a song I mean I play you nonstop until I get tired I let myself become surrounded by you You become the only thing that makes me feel I itch when I can’t feel you near me When I can’t hear your constant reassurance that you won’t leave me Even though I know I’ll leave you eventually I’m sorry if I love you like I love a song Because I will make you feel like my whole world And take all your free time I will tell you how beautiful you are and how much you mean to me But it’s only temporary

0

Jul 12, 2020

Jul 12, 2020 at 12:03 AM UTC

Like a Song

When I say I love you like I love a song I mean I play you nonstop until I get tired I let myself become surrounded by you You become the only thing that makes me feel I itch when I can’t feel you near me When I can’t hear your constant reassurance that you won’t leave me Even though I know I’ll leave you eventually I’m sorry if I love you like I love a song Because I will make you feel like my whole world And take all your free time I will tell you how beautiful you are and how much you mean to me But it’s only temporary

12

I’m exhausted from keeping up with the person I am trying to be Hiding my true self from all my friends and family I just want to be understood But at the same time I’m scared What if I show myself and people don’t care I don’t want any more people to leave me I just need some more stability I know they say family is here no matter what I can’t help feeling like there’s a but What if I suddenly be myself And end up scaring off everyone else Will they say I’m just being fake Or will they accept me and we’ll embrace I just want someone to understand I don’t want to keep up with this person I’ve been living as It’s hard to let go of my insecurities And telling myself I should try and be free

0

May 16, 2020

May 16, 2020 at 9:34 PM UTC

Hiding My True Self

I’m exhausted from keeping up with the person I am trying to be Hiding my true self from all my friends and family I just want to be understood But at the same time I’m scared What if I show myself and people don’t care I don’t want any more people to leave me I just need some more stability I know they say family is here no matter what I can’t help feeling like there’s a but What if I suddenly be myself And end up scaring off everyone else Will they say I’m just being fake Or will they accept me and we’ll embrace I just want someone to understand I don’t want to keep up with this person I’ve been living as It’s hard to let go of my insecurities And telling myself I should try and be free

17

I’m trying to express how I feel like I did as a child, Through crayons and pencils Pressed into paper until they break in two. How can I feel so hopeless Doing something I used to love to do? Like I did as a child I make myself small and cry in my closet That painful sobbing that hurts your throat And convince myself yet again to give up.

0

Jan 10, 2020

Jan 10, 2020 at 8:40 PM UTC

Like a child

I’m trying to express how I feel like I did as a child, Through crayons and pencils Pressed into paper until they break in two. How can I feel so hopeless Doing something I used to love to do? Like I did as a child I make myself small and cry in my closet That painful sobbing that hurts your throat And convince myself yet again to give up.

9

You make me want to fall in a field and cry. Why do you only tell me lies? The person you show the world is like a drawing you can see it from the other side of the page. But you never share the real thing, you keep everyone at a distance. But what is the reason? Self preservation? Protection from losing and breaking and falling apart? But you know that doesn't make pain go away instead you create a world where you are the cause of your own destruction.

0

Dec 14, 2019

Dec 14, 2019 at 8:44 PM UTC

Protect

You make me want to fall in a field and cry. Why do you only tell me lies? The person you show the world is like a drawing you can see it from the other side of the page. But you never share the real thing, you keep everyone at a distance. But what is the reason? Self preservation? Protection from losing and breaking and falling apart? But you know that doesn't make pain go away instead you create a world where you are the cause of your own destruction.

11

I'm like a ghost in my own place. I feel guilty for taking up space. So I will give it all to you my body, my mind, and my voice. When I tell you I love you I don't have a choice. I will make myself small, put me in your pocket, won't you take me home.

0

Nov 24, 2019

Nov 24, 2019 at 7:49 PM UTC

pocket size

I'm like a ghost in my own place. I feel guilty for taking up space. So I will give it all to you my body, my mind, and my voice. When I tell you I love you I don't have a choice. I will make myself small, put me in your pocket, won't you take me home.

9