I went into the desert.
I felt reborn.
I watched the sunset;
no noise, just the wind, the sand, and me.
I had no regrets.
No wishes.
No wants.
No worries.
My sadness was gone - scared away.
Now I'm on a bus - back to the city.
The bus full of noisy teenagers lost in the age of technology;
the cars racing by at 120km per hour.
The buildings blocking the sunset;
the street lights flipping off the sun;
the radio towers standing straight;
the planted trees on the side perfectly cut.
Man made perfection.
My sadness slowly stretching itself out within my skin.
Nov 15, 2014
Nov 15, 2014 at 1:00 PM UTC
He doesn't deserve this.
As the cuts on my wrists turn to scars,
his hands itch for the nearest blade;
as I lie in my bed, my pillow dry for the first time,
his pillow absorbs his tears and reminds him of his nightmares;
as I get 6 hours of sleep,
he lies awake afraid of the silence
6:00 am, he no longer needs an alarm clock.
***As I get better
he gets worse.***
My demon ****** the life out of me and moved on to him.
I wish to rid my demon off his back;
everyday I see my demon drain him;
like a hostage forced to watch it's torment,
hands bound,
gagged mouth,
mascara stained cheeks.
He doesn't deserve this.
Oct 13, 2014
Oct 13, 2014 at 8:27 AM UTC
In silent nights I hear sirens,
joking for years about them coming for us;
but that night was no joke;
a knock at the door,
a message from a friend,
a locked room;
a scream,
a wail,
a puddle;
in the silence of the night I hear a heart monitor steady.
Oct 12, 2014
Oct 12, 2014 at 4:39 PM UTC
I am what I refuse to admit
I am 2 parts ***** 1 part tears;
I am bottle in the nightstand;
I am tear stained stuffed animals.
I am late night walks alone;
I am a stranger rejected;
I am silent howling wind.
I am weird kid on the bus;
I am panic attacks at school;
I am after class "talks" with teachers.
I am bracelets on my wrist;
I am the persistent urge;
I am fear of heights for the wrong reason.
I am a house, not a home;
I am old sweater in the closet;
I am fake fauna on the patio.
to myself.
Oct 11, 2014
Oct 11, 2014 at 4:05 PM UTC
I went to sleep,
wanting to talk to him;
I woke up,
wanting to talk to him;
In the morning,
I looked in the mirror and tried to
see what he sees;
I went to an art gallery trying to
see what he sees;
I lived today trying to
see what he sees.
Oct 11, 2014
Oct 11, 2014 at 11:21 AM UTC
Bleed
Bleed out every emotion you were too afraid to speak;
let the pen be your razor.
the ink, your blood;
let the ink flow and speak for you.
Oct 10, 2014
Oct 10, 2014 at 8:00 PM UTC
When I was with him my heart melted into my stomach and turned to butterflies with every word I've wanted to say to him etched into their wings;
When my head was resting on his chest, I could hear his heartbeat while my head bobbed up and down to the rhythm of his breathing,
I felt a new kind of love;
When my lips first touched his my heart skipped a beat,
then he took my breath away and I could swear I was in heaven;
I was in a dream for weeks until I was abruptly awoken when he first found out about my horrible secret;
He thought the cuts on my wrists were his fault and said we can’t be together if he was the source of my pain;
my breath was taken away,
I was on my knees begging and pleading and telling him it wasn’t his fault;
But he didn’t believe me.
I knew then I would never feel his chest rise and fall and our hearts would never beat in unison again;
I felt a new kind of pain.
There was a fire lit within me, destroying me from the inside out,
No longer were angels singing in the sky, they have turned to demons clawing at my back screeching in my ear;
Is this hell? Is this the hell I have to live through until someone comes along to extinguish the flames.
Then my heart turned to stone and sunk into my stomach killing all the butterflies and things I wanted to say;
my heart skipped more than just a beat, like a smooth stone on a lake it skipped butterflies:
1. Don’t leave me
2. I need you
3. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me
4. I love you
As he was walking out the door one butterfly managed to escape,
The words fluttered off my tongue;
5. I’m sorry
Oct 10, 2014
Oct 10, 2014 at 7:32 PM UTC
My friend is drowning
Drowning from the inside out in her own sorrow
She splits her skin to let the sorrow flow out of her so for a second
She can breathe
On those days when she can pull herself out of the sorrow all she can feel are rain drops on her beautifully soft hair from her constant rainy day
She believes I’m on the beach livin’ it up
With a Corona in my hand
And lazily holding a hand out for her;
The rain and sorrow has blurred her vision
Because I am in the water with her
Trying to pull her out
But sorrow is a sea monster
Yanking her down deeper and deeper
Into the darkness of her own mind
Where friends equal enemies and parents equal not understanding and they all equal non existent
She closes herself off until the world becomes nothing but darkness filled with predators
When those days come,
I want to be her beacon of light
Like a light house I will stand strong searching the oceans for her
I want her to know when the rainy days come
I will be there
Soaked from head to toe
For as long as she needs me
For as long she wants me
I want her to know that when the clouds wish away
And the sun peaks out
Shining on her beautiful skin
Reflecting in her gorgeous green eyes
That I will turn to her and smile a big Cheshire smile
And I’ll say I love you
And I will never leave you alone on a rainy day
Because we both know rainy days are no fun
Especially when you’re alone.
Oct 10, 2014
Oct 10, 2014 at 7:24 PM UTC
0 motivation to get out of bed;
1,2,3 hours pass, i could listen to you ramble on forever;
4,5,6 questions asked in a row, you were so interested to learn everything about me
7,8,9 shared coincidences: a lava lamp, a color, a musician, a dream;
10 days since we last spoke;
9,8,7 excuses for why you have to leave;
6,5,4 reasons to cry at night, still hoping you'll reply;
3,2,1 girl that came between us, who you found more interesting but could never love you like i do;
0 beats per minute.
Oct 10, 2014
Oct 10, 2014 at 6:28 PM UTC