I should bring an end to this,
Whatever it is that ties me to you.
From the first time you didn't cross my mind,
Up until the very last, I should've known.
It took me too long to realize
That none of the things we ever did
Meant anything at all, to either of us.
And that my continued existence after everything-
Not to mention the pain,
Tells me all I need to know,
And the dissonance grows;
Solace, it seems, comes from only me.
Somehow, I'm okay with that.
Oct 4, 2025
Oct 4, 2025 at 10:14 PM UTC
I realized something about myself,
That wasn't what it seemed to be.
I can weather any circumstance,
I'll make it through and be just fine,
No matter what.
And I found such relief in that moment -
Assurance, solace, peace.
Then more time passed, and passed, and passed,
And now I can only laugh and grit my teeth
Thinking back on my own naivety.
Because now I know what it really means,
I will never see the end - never see the light.
I'll just carry on and on and on,
And it builds up inside, so quickly
Too quickly.
And it's so ******* heavy, actually
And I am just so ******* tired
Of all this ******* trudging.
Sep 7, 2024
Sep 7, 2024 at 12:51 PM UTC
Once, the static in my brain
Aligned so perfectly with the rushing in my veins
That it became central to my consciousness.
Perceived by my ears as an ever-rising crescendo,
My heart swelled, radiating pin-pricks - painfully,
Down to my fingertips.
I was immobilized by dread,
And capitulation to fear was imminent,
As I realized the presence
Of an unwelcome and terminal essence;
It was striving for control, unwilling to settle for less.
I at first tried to fight- but the hold was too strong;
My limbs were too weak to fend for myself,
My mind too frantic to offer help -
So I accommodated instead, and ever since.
May 20, 2024
May 20, 2024 at 9:27 PM UTC
I can never do the one thing I want the most to do,
I can only - suddenly: fear,
Encroaching shadows.
Blindsided, I wish I could say. But no.
Not quite.
Doubt shrouds my intentions,
Like a cloud blocking out - no, an eclipse,
Predetermined intervals of near complete darkness,
A pattern of uncertainty, a seeming dichotomy-
But reliable nonetheless...
All the same.
Ordered chaos; predictable, unwelcome, regrettable.
Torturous, truly.
Light again, passing by, gone again-
Always.
Never.
I can never do the one thing I want the most to do.
I can only do the one thing I am wont the most to do.
And I am helpless to it all.
Lost to it all.
It is a cruel discrepancy.
Feb 16, 2024
Feb 16, 2024 at 8:00 PM UTC
Within the rings of trees and layers of rocks
Lie countless hours - so many lost,
Time that was wasted, never regained,
Until regret and comeuppance were all that remained.
Feb 5, 2024
Feb 5, 2024 at 9:35 PM UTC
Daydream my day away,
I can't wait;
Maybe two good things will coincide.
Nov 4, 2023
Nov 4, 2023 at 11:08 PM UTC
The thing is
It’s my ******* problem,
Mine alone -
I can’t put that on you.
It’s my own fault,
For feasting on scraps,
Tossed my way
With vague intentions.
I even told myself then,
When I first earned your favor,
To prepare for the worst;
I was bound to get burned.
But it just wasn’t that easy -
I closed my eyes for just a moment,
And liked, too much, what I saw:
A glorious reconciliation
Between my desires and your intentions.
But when I opened them again,
It just wasn’t the same;
I borrowed hope from a daydream,
And have lived in misery ever since.
Dec 23, 2021
Dec 23, 2021 at 9:17 PM UTC
“It’s all in your head”,
On repeat to forestall entropy,
My mind’s in two places at once,
Needing more -
Incessantly yearning for more,
Yet overcome with gratitude
That I should receive anything at all.
Aug 3, 2021
Aug 3, 2021 at 12:14 AM UTC
Do others feel like this every time?
As if it’s something of actual substance,
A real reason to yearn,
A real reason to hunger,
As if for another form of sustenance.
Do others feel like this with a passing glance?
As if you’ve known them from the start,
A true sense of familiarity,
A true sense of belonging,
As if they’ve always weighed on your heart.
Do others feel like this every time?
I never had.
Jan 19, 2021
Jan 19, 2021 at 6:13 PM UTC
a moment of joy
a millisecond of reflection
a pang of -remorse?
a flooding of tears
a deep breath of collection
an acceptance of fate
a surge of determination
...to smother any lingering hope
Oct 12, 2020
Oct 12, 2020 at 9:26 PM UTC