artemis-1 - Hello Poetry

The lines between reality and dreams really are so unbelievably thin. I realize that I don’t remember small bits and pieces of my past. Parts of myself, I don’t remember. I fail to remember anything but the blinding pain in my chest. The things I remember are ironically pitiful. The rush of happiness I felt when your hands brushed mine. That safe, secure feeling that ran through my veins whence you held my hand. The inescapable doom I felt once I got word that you want to end things. The knife in my chest that refused to budge out of my already broken heart. I thought you could fix me. I thought you could fix these blurred lines between hope and despair. Oh how I was wrong. You only made it worse. You only made it worse…

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Dec 1, 2025

Dec 1, 2025 at 1:20 AM UTC

blurred lines.

The lines between reality and dreams really are so unbelievably thin. I realize that I don’t remember small bits and pieces of my past. Parts of myself, I don’t remember. I fail to remember anything but the blinding pain in my chest. The things I remember are ironically pitiful. The rush of happiness I felt when your hands brushed mine. That safe, secure feeling that ran through my veins whence you held my hand. The inescapable doom I felt once I got word that you want to end things. The knife in my chest that refused to budge out of my already broken heart. I thought you could fix me. I thought you could fix these blurred lines between hope and despair. Oh how I was wrong. You only made it worse. You only made it worse…

14

I find myself in lost positions sometimes. All the time, I try and try for a person and fall on my face. Is this karma for how I made my dad feel? Or is this just how my life is supposed to be? It’s all over. I’m tired of trying to be someone for you. I’m so unbelievably exhausted of trying to give all of myself to you. All my efforts have never ever failed in a worse way, and yet…do I ever say anything? I don’t want to be the person you hate to see. I don’t want to be the person you have second thoughts about seeing. I want to be the person you’re okay to share things with. I want to be your closest friend. But even then…you’ll never accept how I am. You’ll never accept this hyper personality. You will never accept me. I want to bury myself 6 feet under for making a fool of myself again. We’ll always fall apart, I don’t even know if you even like me anymore. I know you’d want me to talk about it. But I can’t bring myself to. I don’t know what I’d say…and if it would just make you drift away. It’s all over…and I’m too tired to argue.

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Nov 10, 2025

Nov 10, 2025 at 8:48 PM UTC

its all over...and I'm tired.

I find myself in lost positions sometimes. All the time, I try and try for a person and fall on my face. Is this karma for how I made my dad feel? Or is this just how my life is supposed to be? It’s all over. I’m tired of trying to be someone for you. I’m so unbelievably exhausted of trying to give all of myself to you. All my efforts have never ever failed in a worse way, and yet…do I ever say anything? I don’t want to be the person you hate to see. I don’t want to be the person you have second thoughts about seeing. I want to be the person you’re okay to share things with. I want to be your closest friend. But even then…you’ll never accept how I am. You’ll never accept this hyper personality. You will never accept me. I want to bury myself 6 feet under for making a fool of myself again. We’ll always fall apart, I don’t even know if you even like me anymore. I know you’d want me to talk about it. But I can’t bring myself to. I don’t know what I’d say…and if it would just make you drift away. It’s all over…and I’m too tired to argue.

22

I gaze upon a dark night sky. Whilst laying next to a figure, the silhouette of you. I smile as you lie to me. I smile obliviously to the torture you are about to cause to my heart. Throughout the days, I held your rough hand. Hoping that I will never be left in an unforgotten area in your mind. I smile as you lie to me once more. I smile obliviously and ignore the ache in my chest. When you left me, I felt hurt. I felt deserted, which I was. You cunningly left me for a fool. A fool with no cruel in their veins. I became more isolated. More numb. More of a void. The more I saw you, The more I wanted to love you again. But again… I went back to the same night sky. And went back to muttering pretty lies to myself. Would you like to know what the lie was? “I love you.”

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Nov 4, 2025

Nov 4, 2025 at 4:28 AM UTC

Night skies and comforting lies.

I gaze upon a dark night sky. Whilst laying next to a figure, the silhouette of you. I smile as you lie to me. I smile obliviously to the torture you are about to cause to my heart. Throughout the days, I held your rough hand. Hoping that I will never be left in an unforgotten area in your mind. I smile as you lie to me once more. I smile obliviously and ignore the ache in my chest. When you left me, I felt hurt. I felt deserted, which I was. You cunningly left me for a fool. A fool with no cruel in their veins. I became more isolated. More numb. More of a void. The more I saw you, The more I wanted to love you again. But again… I went back to the same night sky. And went back to muttering pretty lies to myself. Would you like to know what the lie was? “I love you.”

22

I’ve spent a million years of waiting. Waiting for people’s love. Waiting for someone’s love. Someone very specific. Someone who guides you in your path. Someone who makes you happy in your dark times. Someone who doesn’t reveal your secrets to your mother. So yes. I’ve spent a million years waiting for my father. Now..I wish to not have one. I wish to not have one at all. It feels better this way.

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Nov 3, 2025

Nov 3, 2025 at 7:58 AM UTC

A million years of waiting.

I’ve spent a million years of waiting. Waiting for people’s love. Waiting for someone’s love. Someone very specific. Someone who guides you in your path. Someone who makes you happy in your dark times. Someone who doesn’t reveal your secrets to your mother. So yes. I’ve spent a million years waiting for my father. Now..I wish to not have one. I wish to not have one at all. It feels better this way.

10

There are days when I wish you would love me more. Instead of loving this plastic body of mine that I hold. There are days when I wish you had told, Your actual feelings before committing anything. There are days when I wish I could get over you. But I still end up stealing glances in the direction that is you. I always convince myself to be fine. Whenever I want to break down and die. There are days when I wish that I have someone to hold and love. But there are also days when I know that these things are a far dream, Too far to be true, too far to be real. There are days when I wish that I was someone else. Those days still exist.

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Nov 3, 2025

Nov 3, 2025 at 12:59 AM UTC

There are days...

There are days when I wish you would love me more. Instead of loving this plastic body of mine that I hold. There are days when I wish you had told, Your actual feelings before committing anything. There are days when I wish I could get over you. But I still end up stealing glances in the direction that is you. I always convince myself to be fine. Whenever I want to break down and die. There are days when I wish that I have someone to hold and love. But there are also days when I know that these things are a far dream, Too far to be true, too far to be real. There are days when I wish that I was someone else. Those days still exist.

13

I don’t think I’m pretty. Inside or outside. Not that I even care. But..generally saying. If there’s a void inside where you’re supposed to technically be feeling, Then how is a void pretty? If you’re supposed to be a ‘perfect, kind person with kind morals’ And I’m the ‘angry, imperfect, ****** with ****** music taste’ How do you expect someone like me to be pretty? I ditch people when I’m afraid I won’t please them enough. Which isn’t..weird exactly but it would still hurt the person enough to make them hate me. Is it weird that I hate people hating me? I mean, I get it, I’ll always have enemies. But there’s a part of me that refuses to accept the fact that I have any. There’s a part of me that refuses to see reality. Sometimes, I want to live in fantasy land. Until I feel the trauma coming back up again.

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Nov 1, 2025

Nov 1, 2025 at 5:16 AM UTC

Pretty is on the inside.

I don’t think I’m pretty. Inside or outside. Not that I even care. But..generally saying. If there’s a void inside where you’re supposed to technically be feeling, Then how is a void pretty? If you’re supposed to be a ‘perfect, kind person with kind morals’ And I’m the ‘angry, imperfect, ****** with ****** music taste’ How do you expect someone like me to be pretty? I ditch people when I’m afraid I won’t please them enough. Which isn’t..weird exactly but it would still hurt the person enough to make them hate me. Is it weird that I hate people hating me? I mean, I get it, I’ll always have enemies. But there’s a part of me that refuses to accept the fact that I have any. There’s a part of me that refuses to see reality. Sometimes, I want to live in fantasy land. Until I feel the trauma coming back up again.

17

Sometimes books go long and then end with a bang. I think my book for last year was a lot like that. It started rickety and ended by free falling off a cliff, I am convinced. The book of you and I. Is over. My feelings for you however, Are not. Some may call that concerning. Some may call it creepy. Some may call it too sensitive. I call it desperate for love.

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Nov 1, 2025

Nov 1, 2025 at 5:10 AM UTC

The Book Of You and I.

Sometimes books go long and then end with a bang. I think my book for last year was a lot like that. It started rickety and ended by free falling off a cliff, I am convinced. The book of you and I. Is over. My feelings for you however, Are not. Some may call that concerning. Some may call it creepy. Some may call it too sensitive. I call it desperate for love.

12