art_ronnie - Hello Poetry

it's been years now but it's because of you that i don't think i'll ever look at potential partners the same way again

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Mar 23, 2018

Mar 23, 2018 at 10:02 AM UTC

it's been years now but it's because of you that i don't think i'll ever look at potential partners the same way again

i remember the breeze on my skin and the texture of the blanket i remember letting you in because i couldn’t say no i remember feeling disgusted and asking myself what i was thinking i remember finding out the word for it a word i had already known a word i didn’t know i could apply to this i remember writing my first words about this scared to share my pain i remember the first time i lifted my head and said “me too” i remember the first time i told someone scared that they’d think less of me and now i am beginning to come to terms with what happened to me and soon i will remember all of this and i won’t panic or shut down

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Mar 23, 2018

Mar 23, 2018 at 9:56 AM UTC

i remember

i remember the breeze on my skin and the texture of the blanket i remember letting you in because i couldn’t say no i remember feeling disgusted and asking myself what i was thinking i remember finding out the word for it a word i had already known a word i didn’t know i could apply to this i remember writing my first words about this scared to share my pain i remember the first time i lifted my head and said “me too” i remember the first time i told someone scared that they’d think less of me and now i am beginning to come to terms with what happened to me and soon i will remember all of this and i won’t panic or shut down

29

galaxies of freckles stippled across skin stretch marks made of outreaching nebulae eyes like stars and minds holding entire universes children of the deep made of stardust and dark matter and yet some find themselves imperfect

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Mar 20, 2018

Mar 20, 2018 at 9:31 AM UTC

celestial bodies

galaxies of freckles stippled across skin stretch marks made of outreaching nebulae eyes like stars and minds holding entire universes children of the deep made of stardust and dark matter and yet some find themselves imperfect

12

i. deep hazel eyes dark brown hair reasonable and kind the earth grounded and content ii. glowing pale skin freckled galaxies emotional and gentle the stars floaty and unsatisfied iii. lightyears apart the other always in view never to be touched a deep yearning iv. long distance love flames with only the hope of an eventual meeting

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Mar 20, 2018

Mar 20, 2018 at 8:52 AM UTC

the earth and the stars

i. deep hazel eyes dark brown hair reasonable and kind the earth grounded and content ii. glowing pale skin freckled galaxies emotional and gentle the stars floaty and unsatisfied iii. lightyears apart the other always in view never to be touched a deep yearning iv. long distance love flames with only the hope of an eventual meeting

19

have you ever noticed how i live for your texts and the joy of our conversations? i don't know if you have - i can hide things better than i used to. you intrigue me and make me smile (though i haven't figured out your sense of humor yet) and i hope i make you smile too. you're one of my favorite people - i think you've noticed that by now. when i'm not smiling you comfort me and keep me from doing anything particularly stupid and i'd just love to know which angel i pleased so that i've been blessed with you. have you ever noticed how i put you before me and worry about you and care just a little too much? i'd think you have - that, i make no effort to hide. you once called yourself a demon and i disagree - you're a guiding angel sent from heaven, and, for some reason, you were sent to me. have you ever noticed how i'm falling so hard and just daring to hope that you, with your halo and your golden wings and your gentleness, will catch me before i land.

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Mar 19, 2018

Mar 19, 2018 at 6:53 PM UTC

my angel

have you ever noticed how i live for your texts and the joy of our conversations? i don't know if you have - i can hide things better than i used to. you intrigue me and make me smile (though i haven't figured out your sense of humor yet) and i hope i make you smile too. you're one of my favorite people - i think you've noticed that by now. when i'm not smiling you comfort me and keep me from doing anything particularly stupid and i'd just love to know which angel i pleased so that i've been blessed with you. have you ever noticed how i put you before me and worry about you and care just a little too much? i'd think you have - that, i make no effort to hide. you once called yourself a demon and i disagree - you're a guiding angel sent from heaven, and, for some reason, you were sent to me. have you ever noticed how i'm falling so hard and just daring to hope that you, with your halo and your golden wings and your gentleness, will catch me before i land.

46

i'm so sorry, love i told you - i'm bad at descriptions what i meant to say is you're one of my favorite people and i love our conversations and god i'm going to miss you when you're gone but i didn't i was noncommittal i said "nice" and "interesting" and made it sound like i wouldn't miss you that much well that's wrong. i already know you're going to leave - you're a senior, after all - but i'd prefer it if you didn't leave sooner and if your leaving wasn't permanent you're worrying me now so please listen i'm so sorry i'm bad at descriptions and you mean more to me than i could ever say

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Mar 19, 2018

Mar 19, 2018 at 6:29 PM UTC

apologizing

i'm so sorry, love i told you - i'm bad at descriptions what i meant to say is you're one of my favorite people and i love our conversations and god i'm going to miss you when you're gone but i didn't i was noncommittal i said "nice" and "interesting" and made it sound like i wouldn't miss you that much well that's wrong. i already know you're going to leave - you're a senior, after all - but i'd prefer it if you didn't leave sooner and if your leaving wasn't permanent you're worrying me now so please listen i'm so sorry i'm bad at descriptions and you mean more to me than i could ever say

27

you are the brightest colors in my palette with which i paint the most beautiful pictures you have inspired me to paint pictures of light and happiness you are the stars and galaxies on my midnight blue skies supernovas of light you are the lilies somehow growing and flourishing in the messy muck of my soul you are my muse my inspiration and the one i love the most

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Nov 14, 2017

Nov 14, 2017 at 9:44 PM UTC

artist's rendering

you are the brightest colors in my palette with which i paint the most beautiful pictures you have inspired me to paint pictures of light and happiness you are the stars and galaxies on my midnight blue skies supernovas of light you are the lilies somehow growing and flourishing in the messy muck of my soul you are my muse my inspiration and the one i love the most

20

where will i find myself in two years? barely dragging myself out of bed every morning alone and stressed to the point of snapping? or, maybe, somehow i will wake up every morning likely exhausted but happy. happy. that’s a thought. a fleeting, fickle thought, but a thought nonetheless. i don’t remember the last time i could say “i’m happy” without it being at least partially a lie. i’m just used to it now. when we had to write lists for inspiration so we could write this poem one of the lists was “5 things i am an expert in” and number 3 on my list was depression! number 5 was falling in love. falling in love. falling in love is my saving grace. my love has found me broken, ****** and bruised. not my bones but my heart shattered into too many pieces broken glass that cuts anyone who tries to come near it. most people leave when they realize that. one adopted me, but that’s just what she does. but my love didn’t leave. she found my bruises and wounds and bandaged them and somehow fell deeper in love with me. thank you.

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Nov 14, 2017

Nov 14, 2017 at 4:14 PM UTC

untitled

where will i find myself in two years? barely dragging myself out of bed every morning alone and stressed to the point of snapping? or, maybe, somehow i will wake up every morning likely exhausted but happy. happy. that’s a thought. a fleeting, fickle thought, but a thought nonetheless. i don’t remember the last time i could say “i’m happy” without it being at least partially a lie. i’m just used to it now. when we had to write lists for inspiration so we could write this poem one of the lists was “5 things i am an expert in” and number 3 on my list was depression! number 5 was falling in love. falling in love. falling in love is my saving grace. my love has found me broken, ****** and bruised. not my bones but my heart shattered into too many pieces broken glass that cuts anyone who tries to come near it. most people leave when they realize that. one adopted me, but that’s just what she does. but my love didn’t leave. she found my bruises and wounds and bandaged them and somehow fell deeper in love with me. thank you.

38

i’m going to do it i’m going to tell her about what happened almost three years have passed but i’ll tell her nothing can be done it’s already passed and he lives in california but it will be off of my chest though i will still dredge up the memories still hear the fire in my ears and feel the screaming in my soul and my body that never left even now, i am afraid of him and of all like him whether or not they are i must be as careful as i can as must all people but now i will be living a life without him it will be better eventually though i do not know when it will be but it will be and the process has begun

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Nov 14, 2017

Nov 14, 2017 at 12:23 PM UTC

speaking of things

i’m going to do it i’m going to tell her about what happened almost three years have passed but i’ll tell her nothing can be done it’s already passed and he lives in california but it will be off of my chest though i will still dredge up the memories still hear the fire in my ears and feel the screaming in my soul and my body that never left even now, i am afraid of him and of all like him whether or not they are i must be as careful as i can as must all people but now i will be living a life without him it will be better eventually though i do not know when it will be but it will be and the process has begun

27

i think i'm fat. i say "think" because everyone tells me i'm not when i bring it up maybe i'm not "fat", per se, but i'm not thin, nor am i healthy. i gorge myself on carbs and chocolate, caffeinating to the point of insomnia, ignoring exercise every chance i get. there are other words for me, somewhat flattering words- chubby, curvy, squishy, huggable. i know someone who would add words like "cute" and "pretty" and "beautiful" to that list. i don't believe her. i love her and care about her more than she knows, but i don't believe her. i find no beauty in fat, no cuteness in stretch marks. i find only ugliness and self-hatred. i've been trying to change that, for both her and myself. i know how horrible it feels to look in the mirror and hate what i see, to skip meals and squirm from the discomfort of my hunger but bear it and not take a bite for fear of more stretch marks and added pounds. i might change that, eventually- eat a little healthier, embrace my curves and squishiness, but for now, it's who i am. i guess, for now, it's just me.

0

Nov 14, 2017

Nov 14, 2017 at 12:11 PM UTC

insecurities

i think i'm fat. i say "think" because everyone tells me i'm not when i bring it up maybe i'm not "fat", per se, but i'm not thin, nor am i healthy. i gorge myself on carbs and chocolate, caffeinating to the point of insomnia, ignoring exercise every chance i get. there are other words for me, somewhat flattering words- chubby, curvy, squishy, huggable. i know someone who would add words like "cute" and "pretty" and "beautiful" to that list. i don't believe her. i love her and care about her more than she knows, but i don't believe her. i find no beauty in fat, no cuteness in stretch marks. i find only ugliness and self-hatred. i've been trying to change that, for both her and myself. i know how horrible it feels to look in the mirror and hate what i see, to skip meals and squirm from the discomfort of my hunger but bear it and not take a bite for fear of more stretch marks and added pounds. i might change that, eventually- eat a little healthier, embrace my curves and squishiness, but for now, it's who i am. i guess, for now, it's just me.

58