my love, i am here
on the other side of the radio
chasing daydreams of your ghost
in the quiet place we used to know.
empty with or without you
drifting through our yesterdays
the vacancy you left still haunts me
and you’ve left me lost in space
my sun, moon, stars - perfect getaway
until your sunlight turned to darkness
and you called me your mistake
with your space in my bed empty
and your words still in my head
i’d give our “us” my last breath,
not to taste the bittersweet of your regret
i’ve done my best to let it go
to write it off or keep you close,
but i still feel you in my bones;
haunted by your missing ghost
and the nights we spent out all alone
in the quiet place we used to know.
Jun 5, 2018
Jun 5, 2018 at 1:01 AM UTC
met a girl
who tried save the world
and made me need a savior of my own.
says i remind her of someone
she's never met,
yet still knows just the same.
says she's looking for a girl who
loves her darkness and her pain.
and we smoke cigarettes in her car
while the indie music that she loves
plays to the only two people
who will ever listen
and both of us still mean it
when we say we'll never leave
until the night ends
and she's no longer caught up in me.
and her laugh reminds me of a sun
that never comes
and she calls me "dear,"
but it's not enough--
still inside the rush of another love
and the things that she expects:
that the one girl who hurt her
is more perfect than the rest.
and i thought
'i think this could be something -
she holds my hand just right,'
and I am a fool
because I believed her
when she lied.
-aprilxcv
Jan 12, 2015
Jan 12, 2015 at 5:11 PM UTC
I didn't want to tell you
because I know that you are gone,
but I turned on the radio tonight
and I heard your song.
Not the song
of you and me -
that's far too old
(from '83):
the song that made your fingers bleed -
the song you sang with strings and keys.
It reminded me of ways you'd scream -
In times of fear - of ecstasies.
It brought me back to your backseat:
the place we lived in summer, spring.
It wreaked of your apology -
too sweet, too short, too noisy,
and sounded like a false parade -
too hip for love, too dumb to hate.
It taught me that we lived so wrong -
two girls with hopes: lived for a song.
Our 5am's, our autumn split -
too young to live and not forget.
Soaring notes through melodies:
song for a girl who always leaves -
the irony slipped right past me
the day you sang it straight to me,
but I am here and now I see:
it all came true--we end, indeed.
Dec 2, 2014
Dec 2, 2014 at 10:29 PM UTC
Dear Adaline,
Did you hear my call -
and do you ever miss at all:
our Sundays on the porch steps -
my name just slipping off of your lips?
It's 6pm I'm all alone,
you left me so I'm on my own -
I left a message - did you hear? -
I guess if not I'll leave it here.
Your poetry was too offbeat.
The words you spoke, places we'd meet -
I tore them all out of my brain,
still they cross my mind--
time, time again.
Your sloppy hugs, your breath so sweet -
sweet, so shallow in my sheets.
Our love was all so clumsy, see -
even oak branches release leaves:
200 years, from 80 feet.
But you did not just release me -
you threw me out to clumsy seas.
The tide was rough, the ocean screamed -
and so did I between your teeth.
You chewed me like you didn't care -
your heart was gone, no love was there.
I know it was a short affair -
but Adaline, I was so scared.
Dec 2, 2014
Dec 2, 2014 at 5:22 PM UTC
Open letter, truth or dare
A secret I can't stand to share
This letter will make you upset
but so did all the times when you'd forget
my presence or my birthday -
one happens every day,
and the other's once a year
so the least you could have done
is say "happy birthday," "you look great"
once a year, and once a day
You won't care now and it's too late
But you had to know since you won't stay.
She is somewhere in California
complaining of the heat
and reading letters from her past loves
and the girls she used to see.
And every once in awhile,
I wonder if one's from me--
if she ever sees that postcard
that I sent on March 19th
-aprilxcv
Dec 1, 2014
Dec 1, 2014 at 4:18 PM UTC
lover calls, lover waits
my lover is without a name
she's tuesday nights, she's southern rain
she's everything my mind won't say
her laugh is loud, her soul is dark
still screeching from a broken heart
and day old jokes, and weekend loves
from just always being bad enough
she'll ask me one more time
just for the sake of love
whether my heart is still open
or if i've had enough
and if i had to guess,
if she asks tonight, i'll say
"i love you cause you know my name"
-aprilxcv
Dec 1, 2014
Dec 1, 2014 at 4:04 PM UTC
she's endless rain, my hurricane
rustling thoughts and a small-built frame
tearing walls from every heart, house, fence
for enemies and half-made friends
it doesn't take her much to bend
the fragments of my mind, but then
she'll pick them up and play pretend
as if it wasn't me she's in
our carousel, through valleys, hills
a journey with no shoes to fill
she'll take me where she wants to be
whether or not it's good for me
this wandering, this aching love
it makes me feel good and bad enough
and i wouldn't want it any other way
she kills me but i want to stay
-aprilxcv
Dec 1, 2014
Dec 1, 2014 at 1:51 AM UTC
It's 1pm, she's smiling. I've closed my eyes too many times just from the times she's hurt me--
she never said it'd be alright and now my mind still worries.
She's like another twisting hurricane that I should've known better than to get into,
but now the roads are blocked and the sirens stopped and I'm standing inside the walls I built inside my heart.
She's somewhere on the outside, knocking just to hear one more "I'm sorry,"
trying to get inside or just disarm me.
I spent my days through endless nights just trying to strengthen these walls of mine--
from enemy, from predator, from girl. But as her voice echoes through my veins,
I forget all the things she always says.
I forget myself, my sense, my name.
My walls have cracked - my defense falls -
what looked like stone was another glass house surrounding my pulse
as it beats through every break, every trial and last mistake,
she says she loves me but makes me wait - I'll never feel this way again.
-aprilxcv
Dec 1, 2014
Dec 1, 2014 at 12:45 AM UTC
release me
i am shaking with broken wings just beneath the rafters of your home
shifting shapes and twisting arms to find a basement in my bones
stuck in boxes with no top to hold the mess that i've become
another scar, a second lover or tale that's just begun
and this is how it will begin: your mess will fill my broken ends,
our stories start the same, my friend - we suffer for our own commends.
i didn't want to freak you out, but i have to say:
everyone you love will tear you down
and before you know it, you will hardly remain--two empty cigarette boxes and a well-worn frown.
-aprilxcv
Nov 30, 2014
Nov 30, 2014 at 11:55 PM UTC
tell me why your eyes are closed again
your hands are tied, you can't listen
your words and all the time you spent
your "soft and sweet," your "innocent"
they call you madness luring in
deception's home that never ends
a sleeping devil, angel's friend
the one whose evil lurks within
your sainthood is a counterfeit
you mimic gods and envy them
like stone you never break or bend -
you are regret, you are my sin.
-aprilxcv
Nov 30, 2014
Nov 30, 2014 at 10:52 PM UTC