Gasping my lungs turn to stone
“Breath!”
My throat closes in
“Just breath”
But i cant
My mind is spinning
My heart races
Im standing on solid ground
But it feels like im falling
And i keep falling
Down
Down
Down
A downward spiral my mind screams for everything to stop
But my mouth can not make a single noise
I grasp the air with my lungs
But i slip farther and farther
All i can hear is my mind breaking
Shutting down
All i feel is my heart beating
Blood rushing through my veins
The burning in my lungs
Desperatly begging for air
And I can not see
The room is spinning
And Nothing is real
Jun 2, 2018
Jun 2, 2018 at 3:44 PM UTC
Confidence
the face of sorry
poised elegance
a beautiful sorry
and total displacement
Jun 2, 2018
Jun 2, 2018 at 1:25 PM UTC
to weep but be calm
is the moon
who wondered of
happiness
Jun 2, 2018
Jun 2, 2018 at 1:19 PM UTC
You expect the beginning
to sing
the way you planned it
how lovely
he smiles
he frowns
later they are both disappointed
passing
silently
separately
May 30, 2018
May 30, 2018 at 5:29 PM UTC
Stories aren't supposed to end this way
loss
taken away
"I give up" he said
those thoughts in my head
i'm missing everything
he let go
and we know
he's not whole
May 30, 2018
May 30, 2018 at 11:25 AM UTC
The hello,
The falling,
The beginning was unexpected
And I heard your voice for the first time
Somehow I fell farther
Thinking you were waiting to catch me
When i pressed my lips against yours
I thought i was home in your arms
You caught me and held me close
I thought I reached the bottom
Suddenly you let go
We were falling the whole time
And you reached your bottom
And i am still falling alone
The goodbye was more unexpected than hello
May 29, 2018
May 29, 2018 at 1:02 PM UTC
A darkness came over me
It ate at my soul
And took over my brain
Took over my body and my thoughts
I could not escape myself
Oh but please make it stop
It’s taking me away
Make it stop I can not live with this darkness
Save me please
I’m drowning I can not breath
Take away the pain tormenting me
It’s too late
The darkness took me with it
May 29, 2018
May 29, 2018 at 12:49 PM UTC
You tell me “It’s just a bad day”
If it’s just a bad day then why did I cry myself to sleep yesterday?
And the day before why did I find myself on the bathroom floor holding a blade to my wrist?
Was that “just a bad day” too?
And this weekend when I saved the suicide hotline number in my phone just to be safe
Was I just having another bad day?
And when I couldn’t sit through class because my throat closed in due to yet another panic attack
And when I was called to the office because someone noticed my scars
Maybe I was just having a bad day.
And maybe this is normal, because it’s just a bad day
And maybe there's actually nothing wrong with me because everyone has their ups and downs
So maybe when I stay up late and consider whether I should use a rope or a knife
Maybe it’s just a bad night?
And when this continues day after day week after week and month after month
Maybe it's just a bad life?
Please don’t tell me “its just a bad day”
Because bad days are for normal people with normal lives
Because actually it’s just a bad brain
Don’t tell me It will be okay and get better eventually
Because my serotonin levels are not going to go up overnight.
May 29, 2018
May 29, 2018 at 12:45 PM UTC