I sat on the ledge,
Facing away from the edge,
Not wanting to look into the fall,
Because I've looked into the fall my entire life.
He joined me there,
Asked me if I was okay.
The only reply I gave him,
Was replacing my empty palms with the cold hard steel,
He looked from the gun to me.
I watched as his face turned from shock to something resembling a realization.
He finally understood all those jokes of suicide,
Weren't jokes.
He watched it as I did,
Fearing for his life,
Not mine.
I looked at my reflection,
In the impartial steel.
Stared into the eyes of my tormentor for all these years.
I placed it against the roof of my mouth.
I looked for any sign of fear in my own self.
When I found none I pulled the trigger.
I heard nothing as I began my descent to the first floor.
A soft thud echoed as my lifeless corpse hit the unforgiving ground.
Instead of rushing for help,
My peers scurried to safety,
Leaving me alone.
Same in death,
As I was in life.
ALONE.
Mar 29, 2014
Mar 29, 2014 at 2:35 AM UTC
I feel gone already,
I just wish i had the courage to actually be gone.
My friends want me gone,
I can tell.
Are they even friends anymore?
I guess I have to call them friends,
They're the closest things I have to friends.
They ignore me,
But they didn't always ignore me,
Which is better than all the people who have always ignored me.
I guess I really am done,
God knows i can't physically harm myself.
Jan 5, 2014
Jan 5, 2014 at 8:51 PM UTC
I show the signs,
I wear them on my wrists,
I basically scream for help.
I just want to say thanks,
to all my friends,
To all my worthless ******* friends.
Your blind ignorance,
It's what makes this world go backwards.
It'll be the death of me.
It'll be the death of millions.
It has been the death of millions.
How can I ask you to open your eyes.
I don't have the courage to say it,
And evidently neither do you.
This world has come to a stop,
And hopefully my death will get it spinning again.
Jan 5, 2014
Jan 5, 2014 at 8:37 PM UTC
That's what I am an empty gesture.
Looking warm and genuine,
Yet hollowed out by pain and misery.
Efforts to make me look saved,
No efforts to be saved.
I walk into a room,
Yet my mind is still on the ledge.
"It's funny how we keep alive,
Those we know are meant to die."
Nov 30, 2013
Nov 30, 2013 at 9:56 PM UTC
I pin the hope of living,
to the beautiful blue-green shine of her eyes.
That's the one place I can see myself with something other than hate.
Her grin draws me near.
Hearing the sweet sounds roll off her tongue,
I realize I can listen to my name,
And feel proud.
It's her laugh I would give my dying breath to hear.
I look into those eyes,
All I can see,
Is the warm sunset over a tropical beach.
All I can feel,
Is the warmth of your hand in mine.
And that right there is,
The thought that keeps me going through the day.
Nov 10, 2013
Nov 10, 2013 at 11:24 PM UTC
Do you know what the difference between your Head & your Heart is?
Your head is a survival Mechanism,
But your heart is a crime of passion.
Always at war with each other.
Your heart tells you to pick up that gun,
Place it against your temple,
Grip the trigger,
Pull it.
Your brain tells it's time for help,
Reasons with the only thing it has,
it reasons with knowledge.
I listen to the hammer click back,
And I sit in silence as the battle wages on.
The spoils goes to the victor,
The spoils being my life.
I act on the cliche,
Listen to you're heart.
As the flash of muzzle closes in on me,
And the darkness is upon me with a bang.
Oct 21, 2013
Oct 21, 2013 at 11:06 PM UTC
Even when I'm happy,
I'm not.
They say happiness comes from the inside,
Do they know I let my inside flow out?
Through the scratches of my soul.
I need a wall to hold me up,
I need a helping hand to raise me to my feet.
I am dependent,
Because when your foundation is taken from you,
So suddenly at the age of 11,
It's all you look for,
But do you know what you look for when you can't find it?
Another source of pain.
I've found my jagged edge,
Because I couldn't find anything else.
Oct 21, 2013
Oct 21, 2013 at 10:56 PM UTC
Finger nails chewed away,
In fear of my very scary thoughts.
My hands shake with the anticipation,
The anticipation of what comes next.
Looking in the mirror,
Just for a single plead or sign of life,
But to no surprise I know it's time to go.
I steady my hands,
For utmost precision is key for the next few steps.
I look at the task at hand,
Disappointing all especially myself,
But when don't I do that.
Maybe if I had that group or friends?
Maybe if I wasn't so god **** annoying,
But these are the burdens I was born with,
But these are the burdens I died with.
Look into my eyes one last time,
I want you to tell me,
Tell me what I did,
Before I do it.
Oct 20, 2013
Oct 20, 2013 at 2:36 AM UTC
The only thing you need to know about my upbringing is,
My dad was around enough for me to rely on him,
But not enough for him to be reliable.
Oct 19, 2013
Oct 19, 2013 at 7:30 PM UTC
I feel broken inside.
I feel dead inside,
No that's not right,
I wish I felt dead inside.
Some nights I put a blade to my neck.
Wishing for the courage to do it.
It's not like taking my own life,
It's just the removal of my shocked 11 year old innocence.
All that would be left would be an empty shell.
A reminder of what used to be.
I get angry sometimes,
I believe the world deserves to feel the guilt,
The guilt of being the harbinger of yet another youth's innocence.
Oct 18, 2013
Oct 18, 2013 at 9:14 PM UTC