I'm sad right now
I'll probably be sad later
I hope it will stop
I'm sorry
for bringing you down.
please don't leave me
again
May 28, 2016
May 28, 2016 at 9:23 PM UTC
"I don't think euthanasia's a sin" you told me that one late night. it was the first real conversation we had ever had. I listened as you spoke so deeply about your dream to be a screen writer. you always loved movies. In fact we met that way. you gave me a list of movies to watch before I died. I watched them with the eagerness of a child opening gifts on Christmas. death. that was always a big thing for you. you loved to talk about how you saw the world falling apart. I guess I found that intriguing because as you talked, I was falling apart. you knew how cynical I could be, and I knew how ****** up you were. but I still got so happy when you liked that picture of mine the next morning. I think we fell for each other because neither of us really liked ourselves and maybe deep down, we believed that we could fix ourselves. I never liked you growing up, but now I can't get enough. but of course, there's a problem. there always is. I'm in love with someone else.
May 4, 2016
May 4, 2016 at 4:10 PM UTC
remember when you used to untangle my headphones?
back when you were untangling me?
you had such pride in it, it was cute.
I wonder if you had that same pride in me?
Mar 31, 2016
Mar 31, 2016 at 5:33 PM UTC
you stabbed me with the best you had. an arrow with the word"pretty". you shot me with the word "cute". you poisoned me with the word "love". I fell so hard. I was so sick. and then I realized there's a way to live. I pulled that arrow out and drank the elixir. I was once so scared to move, but am now more relaxed than ever. i can breath again. I feel the best I've felt in a while. you can shoot me again, but now I'm immune. I know the signs and I know where you hide, lurking on insecurities of sad girls. you always had a thing for the broken. easy prey, I guess. but I'm getting stronger by the second. you stood me up again last week. said you'd be there and you weren't. I saw your family at church too. it reminded me of how desperate you were to be like them. flashbacks poured in and I felt like fainting on the exact pew you held me in after that long weekend. I remembered all of our midnight conversations and my old war injury flailed up. but then I remembered all the stuff you said to me, the way you never were there. and I remembered why that arrows out and not still in. you used to be so powerful. a villain in disguise. but no longer can I be the victim. I'm done with this battle.
Mar 14, 2016
Mar 14, 2016 at 6:52 PM UTC
a lot of my thoughts are you
but don't be fooled
sometimes death is there too
Feb 28, 2016
Feb 28, 2016 at 10:18 AM UTC
I was a toy you played with until it broke. your mom warned you not to turn it off and on too quickly but you just couldn't help it. you loved to see the way it light up when you pushed it. it was made for you. you loved the way it worked only and always for you. but one day, it stopped. you came home looking for something to play and you found it. broken. but you didn't fix it. it wasn't worth the time. didn't even check to see if maybe it just needed some love. you left it in pieces. little did you know, the game was working. it just needed to be played for a long time. it needed to know the owner needed it. it needed to know that it was more than just a button.
Feb 25, 2016
Feb 25, 2016 at 7:23 PM UTC
it's all purple now,
our memories.
every time I think of you, the pain deep down in my heart breaks me open like a flower that just couldn't wait to bloom. do you remember? the weekend we just couldn't help but love each other? you promised to spend the day with me, holding me tight when the tears poured out because I knew this wouldn't last. and I was right. you know you were the first boy to ever call me pretty? and as much as I loved it, it just made the purple a little more violent. our love, once so exciting, has left me banging my head against the bus seat where it first started. every time you wrap your arms around her, I remember how it feels to be in them. every time you laugh with her, I dig my nails a little deeper in my arm because I remember how intoxicating it is, and the pain is my morphine. the purple is uncontrollable. the pain is uncontrollable. you are uncontrollable.
Jan 9, 2016
Jan 9, 2016 at 12:09 PM UTC
my mind hasn't been this dark since fourth grade when i was in a "depressed place" I would cry and cry and say I was just sad. no reason behind it. Maybe it was just hormones or part of growing up but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't stop. Flash forward to now. I can't stop crying, a new reason everyday. it feels like a million little rain clouds took over my mind and blocked out my joy. I crave things that are destructive. that boy my parents hate who has an ego problem but the fact someone likes me makes me feel great. I crave that sharp knife going in to my big, awkward thigh. and the idea of death has become so familiar to me I welcome it like a friend. I want so badly to stop this but when people forget you ******* exist you let it in a little more than before. You picture crying and bleeding and screaming. it excites you like ridding a roller coaster. maybe this could stop but I'm so ******* alone. I forgot the boy who liked to talk about Jesus and I follow the one who puts me down. I forgot about my friends who snuggled and laughed but chose the ones who hate everything. I push things away that let me remember joy but keep the stuff that makes the rain clouds.
Nov 15, 2015
Nov 15, 2015 at 12:29 PM UTC
I still have them
those stupid vampire teeth
the ones you won for me
and it's almost Halloween
and I wonder if you have yours
or if you think about that day
the rainy days are filling my head with ****** memories of being in love
and although I pushed you out for so **** long you've managed to sneak back in
with you're endless supply of songs "I would like" or you're sweet smelling cologne
but it hurts so bad
because you're in love
with that girl who loves your family
and dress ******* normal.
I'm just the girl who fills your days with conversations and keeps you comfort on those long, dark, bus rides.
but I'm never the one you'd choose
because I love you
and that would be to **** easy
Oct 4, 2015
Oct 4, 2015 at 9:10 PM UTC