he deserves so much better in life.
i want to give it to him.
i cant lose him.
but theres not much i can do.
..
i wish i could run away with him him— he would never have to deal with this ******** again.
it could be just us, no outside pressures.
just me and him.
..
i know he says not to worry,
that its not my battle to fight.
but theres so much more i wish i could do.
he has such a beautiful soul.
hes my everything.
he doesn’t deserve this.
i know hes reading these—
i love you.
May 5
May 5, 2026 at 12:16 AM UTC
of checking my arms.
of asking your friends if im different.
of not doing anything about it.
of letting me cry silently alone in my room.
of not getting an explanation.
2 years ive asked for help.
personally,
i think your afraid.
afraid your last child is a mess up too.
cant raise this one right either?
just because i have good grades.
not doing drugs 24/7.
decent friends.
a job.
im “fine.”
i "dont need it"
own up to your faults.
please.
i dont want to leave.
please.
i want to stay.
..
i just want to be a good kid.
Apr 29
Apr 29, 2026 at 1:59 AM UTC
god
i want that again.
her warmth.
her love.
that community and solitude
found in each others arms.
silent moments— didnt need words.
just a mutual trust.
we knew what it meant.
“i love you”
Apr 28
Apr 28, 2026 at 5:01 PM UTC
you say it so much
i hate it.
you were never ‘too much’
never ‘a lot’
i hate that you think that.
i never wanted to make you feel like that.
i didnt deserve you—
you are so strong.
Apr 28
Apr 28, 2026 at 4:44 PM UTC
you still draw my eyes whenever i see you.
i watch your dances,
i see you in passing,
i still listen to your music,
it brings me back.
i wonder if you notice
i hope you dont.
it's hard to keep my eyes off you.
but i know you dont want me.
you told me.
i'll miss that summer-- so much.
although i don't think i want it back,
i'll never regret it.
Apr 28
Apr 28, 2026 at 4:25 PM UTC
i really do.
i want this.
i keep saying.
why won't my body act like it.?
this reoccurring pattern.
it haunts me.
can't it stop?
can't i be free.?
comes around once a month.
unexplained dredge.
i don't want to be here.
i want to want this,
but it says no.
i can't stop it.
i feel awful,
it makes others feel awful,
then it's too late to fix things when i snap out of it.
why i can't i be normal.
i don't want this.
Apr 28
Apr 28, 2026 at 4:13 PM UTC
i'm mature enough
at least i should be.
to know when to say no,
say i need more time.
this could've worked,
i wanted it to work.
so badly.
if i didn't let thoughts go to my head.
“what if you're alone forever”
i'm against the wall.
i hesitate.
i'm not ready.
but i dug this hole
“yes”
why'd i say that.
i don't know her
is this just an adrenaline rush.?
i like her.
love her i say.
but was it from the right reason?
i don't know her.
i want to.
but,
am i not happy.?
i lose weight.
i flinch more.
tired.
but i can't blame her.
she did nothing wrong.
i want this, i really do.
and
i
said
yes.
i can't say i'm not attracted to her.
because **** well i am,
even now.
but i know it's not the right kind.
not for her, not for me.
but if i could
i'd never have to see her again,
unless she was on top of me.
but i dug this.
i said yes.
and i broke her heart.
i'm sure these words mean nothing.
but. truly,
i am so sorry.
Apr 28
Apr 28, 2026 at 8:28 AM UTC
there's a lot of positive things i could say about you.
and i want to say them,
but i think it's too late for that.
you're so thoughtful.
but i feel like it's too late for that,
you're so creative.
pretty.
funny.
but it's definitely too late for that.
you always knew what to do
what to say.
i ****** this up.
why does my brain do this.
if i stopped self-sabotaging,
maybe more people would be happy.
i'm trying to be positive.
but it's too late for that.
I'm sorry.
Apr 28
Apr 28, 2026 at 3:52 AM UTC
she sits in my class.
its been forever since we’ve been so close.
i’m not exactly sorry.
i know you hate me.
i cant change that
i’m not in charge of how you feel.
i know i could’ve been clearer .
but we were both young.
i’ve let it go.
will you ever?
i know you tell your friends about us
i wonder how you tell it
because i hardly know what happened.
you aren’t big on communication.
i’ve tried talking to you.
but thats not my problem.
i know you’re family life isn’t good.
childhood wasn’t any better.
but you caused my friend, that i love so much. to go through so much.
and i cant forgive you for that.
i used to love you as well.
and i dont want you dead.
but i wouldnt cry.
id probably shrug it off and go along with the day.
but instead of that,
i hope you grow and change,
as to hurt no one else.
Apr 28
Apr 28, 2026 at 2:31 AM UTC
“you ******
then you beg at my feet.?
so i stay.
you up my pay.
“shes leaving because shes weak.”
im a kid.?
“she cant handle it.”
yet i stay.
“you, of all people, should know how sensitive people can be”
what..?
im tired.
**** this.
“it was unprofessional”
“shes breaking ties with me.”
good
like you didnt start it.
i never want to be back.
mom, ill miss you. so much.
oreo. i love you, i hope you see the problem one day, but i will take that paper from your hands and i will never see you again.
i feel so free.
Apr 28
Apr 28, 2026 at 2:15 AM UTC