and every second that ticks by
is another failed attempt to try-
to try & suspire through lament,
the fight against teeming torment.
every imperfection i had ever seen
within my face, blatent on my flesh,
inside my heart that was wiped clean
by your love,now make the wounds fresh.
the hiding i did, to disguise my fear,
the fighting i did- still, it came to sear
holes in my mask, holes in my core
to realize, you may no longer want me anymore.
what good it does to stare at walls
drink from empty cups, and scream down the halls,
is no good for me, no good for this
the only thing good, is only your kiss
only your fingers interlocked w/ mine
only anticipation for the very next time
i can see your face, touch your skin
look in your eyes as you dive in.
healing my body, my mind and my soul
never in eternity, could this grow old.
i only want your love, your trust and your hand
to show me, truly, what's in a good man
i see it in you, everyday it's brighter
it felt like everyday you were grabbing me tighter
wishing you'd let go- never
it felt as if my pain you had taken and severed
i never hurt when i'm with you, not a tear i could shed
how could i? when my place was with you in your bed
molded and shaped especially for one another
never minding the heavens above that did hover
only you and i is what sanctuary carried
crossing my heart, that it was you i would marry
and then one day your heart stops and nothingis real
everything's a dream, but not the kind you can feel.
the kind that burns and tingles, and every minute is horrid
every sound, sight, and touch, is inescapable torrid
dead among the living, but telling no one of it
they can't understand if they don;t suffer from it
kicking, screaming, cursing just to get by
it's easier to be angry, then to simply just cry
and what good comes of anything? nothing anymore
every attempt at life feels like other closed door
feeling as though no one can compare
your chest simply burns just taking in air
stil they tell you to breath, they tell you to smile
they tell you to laugh, maybe get out for a while
but they do not see the obstacles ahead
like waking up and floating from your bed
such a task it is to imagine he can feel
the same pain that causes very moment to reel
there is no escape from the emptiness ahead
yet you feel in your heart there is no need to dread
that things wil fall back, and the stars will align
and from that point on all will be fine
you will mend your hearts together, and bind them, and twine
every fiber of your beings to fit the very same kind
of shape you were molded from, out of dirt and clay
then you will see, that come what may
your hearts will always fit together in a perfect little shape
and from that spot not a spot of dignity they can take
because the grass is green and the sky is blue
and he is who you will always belong to
you can scrape and scrape and scrape until your guts hit the floor
and wound by wound, you will even love him more
words are cheap and celluloid, they have no real effect
bring my head up to your collar and vow you will protect
the fragile heart beating in this chest will be crushed so easily
if he wakes up one morning and decides he no longer wants me
i feel it in my bones, this love, please do not say it's wrong
for if you do my petals will fall, and i would loose my song
my song, my hope, my joy and then god only knows what would become of me
and if this does my heart will seal, and let no other man see
that behind these eyes and behind this mouth there is world of hurt
that will trail behind me all my days, until i am smothered by the dirt
Sep 30, 2010
Sep 30, 2010 at 7:14 AM UTC
fresh words
for an old ache
another pang
on the same ol' stake.
how many more pangs
is this **** gonna take.
i want to break through
you're screen door
i want to scream
until my lungs can't anymore
& i wanna show you
that my heart was a *****
i loved everyone
who looked my way
i loved everyone
who had something to say
it wasn't worth
the price i had to pay
to let you pull my hair
and kiss my lips 'til they fray
to let you slip me notes
and lip my back
but at being subtle-
those skills we both lack
& thus our worlds
quickly started to crack
and so i grabbed the Camels
from my brown rucksack
to hell with dignity
to hell with what's true
i wanted one thing
i wanted you
so easily you caved
YOU asked if i wanted to
then i started to see your soul
in a different, darker hue
a selfish lying *******
that's all you are
so naturally this thing
couldn't go very far
but my expectations
were to the same par
i couldn't destroy the sight
of your body in my car
i don't like the face in the mirror
what you've made out of me
but it was always inside
something i coudn't see
at least now i can let go
something's been set free
& if this happened over
i'd still give you the key
Sep 30, 2010
Sep 30, 2010 at 7:13 AM UTC
sometimes i wonder why i let you get to
me even now.
you're a pig.
you took me places i didn't know i
would go.
& it was all hell.
all of it maimed me.
you ****** me up even now.
my life is new.
& all the old parts
were locked away in memory.
but you're just as real as today.
how pathetic we both were.
the both of us.
i hope you choke on your
lying tongue.
i
was
prey
Sep 30, 2010
Sep 30, 2010 at 7:12 AM UTC
i think i hate you .
but i don't know
I DON'T KNOW anything anymore .
you've wrecked it all because you were
born
i was born
i was born
to wreck you .
I was born
to wreck
you .
I was born
to ruin you.
you were innnocent.
i woke
a sleeping monster
inside you
that made you what you are
all you did was follow
the bread crumbs i left you.
you followed.
you followed.
but i lead you.
"it's okay" i said
it's okay.
'Don't think twice, it's all
right.'
'I'll let you be in
my dreams
if i can be in yours.'
that's what you said.
why did i welcome you
in mine?
Everything i know told me to
think twice.
Now it can never
be all right. Your dreams were not a dream
you only dreamt a dream of a dream .
a dream girl a dream doll.
A toy.
for your chest.
to fill a hole in your
chest but there was never a hole.
Just a sore.
i can never heal it for
you.
it's not my role . i don't fit.
an odd piece in your
fucked up puzzle.
No one fit that
piece.
you're an oddity
in & of itself.
Sep 30, 2010
Sep 30, 2010 at 7:11 AM UTC
not just in the way I saw you
you're farther than venus
my celestial heart
-she's not even nominal
the thoughts dancing in my brain
fermenting in the pit of my heart
I pick at that heap
-starcrossed & lonesome
love is not just a feeling
it's a perfume we bathed in
we soaked in
-we loved in
but the scent washes away
no longer a distinction
no longer a dizzying coat
-like we never soaked at all.
Sep 30, 2010
Sep 30, 2010 at 7:08 AM UTC
Enslaved it seemed
by your guilded charm.
[[Beguiled]]
Could not see through the smoke and mirrors
& of course that was your plan.
It had to be.
It can't be me.
- I must have just caught on.
You took my weapon.
But I stole it back, my sword,
my words by my side.
YOU FOOLED EVERYONE.
BUT I CAN SEE THROUGH.
& I DON'T WANT TO LOOK.
YOU'RE FALSE, PATHETIC, & WEAK.
(it was not temptation
it was only a game
only a hunt.
a ****** ****** game.
Sep 30, 2010
Sep 30, 2010 at 7:05 AM UTC