Every morning I wake up
Heavy rocks in my chest
No thoughts in my head
Your voice
Nothing else.
Straight to fear and panic
Worried about how to act
Can I wear this shirt?
Every day I do less for me
Make fewer decisions
You are pulling the strings
I'm going through the motions
Nothing else
Always crying inside
Worried the world can see
Can I stand this way?
Now and then a song will come to me
I try to live in that peace
Take the beating
Clean up the mess
We are perfect and happy
Nothing else
The pain is crushing
Worried it’s all my fault
Can I listen to this song?
Every Night as I fall asleep
Still rocks in my chest
No thoughts in my head
Your voice
Nothing else
Feb 27, 2020
Feb 27, 2020 at 7:49 PM UTC
The smoke was thick in the air
I was burning it all in despair
You were dwelling there too
When I burnt me, I burnt you
Now from the ashes, we both can rise.
Nov 26, 2019
Nov 26, 2019 at 2:14 PM UTC
That calm feeling that washes over me
while the sound of rain lulls me to sleep
The charge of light
As I gaze at the moon
The coziest snuggle
Like three extra layers
The sweet bite of chocolate
On my most painful of days
The relaxing ease
Of no wrong choices
The freedom to be
Whoever I want to be
A strong and sturdy tree
When I need shade and protection
I often say I Love You,
More than words could ever say
This is my feeble attempt,
If you ever need to know,
What you are to me.
Nov 3, 2019
Nov 3, 2019 at 5:25 PM UTC
New to this trauma
how unusual
the calm
the peace
this must be love
Nov 1, 2019
Nov 1, 2019 at 11:54 AM UTC
I struggle with my memories
The ones of you and I
The beautiful family the day to day
Yet enveloped in a lie
My mind is weighed down by the trauma
And it’s hard to believe it’s all real
But this mind has been running in circles
Trying to leave it behind or conceal
Aug 11, 2019
Aug 11, 2019 at 4:24 PM UTC
To evolve back then
The darkness the empty
Toward now
The light in the distance
Hope
Aug 8, 2019
Aug 8, 2019 at 11:51 AM UTC
In my younger years I was in darkness
yet trying to hide from it. I kept my hair short and my body *****
I dressed like a boy and tried my best to be the smelliest kid.
At night in my room before bed
I would sit and look at those parts of my body.
Those parts I wished I didn’t have.
I would then take my tiny little blade out of my tiny little tin
And I would cut.
I would cut tiny little patches of tiny little cuts
All over those parts of my body
If it's ****** and gross and I’m ***** and ugly
Then why does he return every night
Jul 17, 2019
Jul 17, 2019 at 2:01 PM UTC
You look at my chest
You don’t hear me
You think of me naked
You are not listening
You notice the softness of my skin
You are not paying attention
My mouth is still moving
But You are only watching my lips
You are not hearing the words
A day in my life is being ignored
At Least my mind that is
I am more than my body
I have more to offer
Someday, I hope the World will see
When they look at us they see
The hair but not the brain underneath
The Breast but not the heart within
The plump of our legs but not our strength
We are more
We are people
We are WOMEN
Jul 17, 2019
Jul 17, 2019 at 1:15 PM UTC
The pain inside it grows
I cut real deep to let it go
The change brings peace
The red the release
The next day just more of the same.
Jul 12, 2019
Jul 12, 2019 at 12:29 PM UTC
In the beginning, I was me
I had opinions and I made decisions
I was a person
I married him and instantly
Became less not more
Not even a person
I learned to not speak out of turn
I made no decisions
I lost all my opinions
My friends and family disappeared
Still there but out of my reach
I was no longer theirs just his
All the things I once loved
Now had no place in my mind
This mind was controlled
He controlled my appearance
He controlled my words
He controlled my actions
He controlled my very thoughts
In the end, I was not a person
I was what he wanted me to be
The me I once knew was gone
Jul 11, 2019
Jul 11, 2019 at 1:18 PM UTC