The sky was filled with cumulonimbus clouds as they threatened to give way any time. Looking out of the window, I let out a little sigh.
Picking up my cup of cappuccino, I sipped it while opening a new tab to my email inbox.
The clouds remind me of you.
I hope you’re doing fine.
Things have been different ever since you went away, but I’m still trying to adjust to the current situation.
I remembered how I had first met you when you came to the bar where I was working as a barista.
It was raining that day and the café had fewer customers as compared to usual days.
You came in with an expressionless face and chose to sit at the furthest end of the counter – away from most of the crowd.
Shivering a little, you made eye contact with me and called me over.
You ordered something on the café’s hidden menu – Espresso with a hint of milk.
That was when we first started conversing.
“May I have an espresso with a hint of milk?”
“I’m surprised.”
“Sorry?”
“This is your first time coming here, isn’t it? Yet you are aware of our hidden menu.”
“I’m more surprised by how you’d know it’s my first time here.”
I brought your order and you gave me a smile so bright it stunned me.
It was really different from when you first stepped into the café.
“I like it here.”
I returned a smile and went back to my job.
From then on, you came quite often.
I’m not sure if it’s because you liked the atmosphere in the café but I was indeed elated to see you make return trips here.
Slowly, we started to chat more often whenever you came over and found out more about each other.
I loved animals.
You didn’t really take a liking to them.
Both of us love the aroma of coffee beans.
I hated whipped cream.
You loved it.
I liked bright colours.
You liked the monochrome range.
Your parents were hardly home.
My parents were always home.
I had siblings.
You were an only child.
I trusted people easily.
You never did until you really know them.
I liked being in a crowd.
You preferred solitude.
I joked that it’s because you liked solitude which was why you chose this particular seat.
You grinned at me, not saying a word.
Yet I knew what you wanted to say.
That’s right, Bingo.
You’d only order Espresso with a hint of milk.
It was always the same.
When we had few customers, I’d just lean on the counter and talk to you, watch you sip your espresso gracefully and letting out a contended sigh.
“I love the espresso here.”
“But why do you want a hint of milk in it?”
“I wanted to cover up part of the bitterness.”
“That’s so weird.”
“But that’s how I like my espressos.”
“Hmmm~ I only drink cappuccino.”
“And you’re working as a barista in a café. That’s weirder.”
“No it isn’t!”
I guess it was your queerness that attracted me.
After a period of time, we got closer and closer to each other.
That was also when we started going out for meals whenever I had the day off.
We built an unbreakable bond over the years.
But we were forced to separate.
Neither of us had control over it.
You
Just
Left.
Things just changed.
I was in too much shock to respond when I heard what happened to you.
I tried to deny things.
But it was impossible.
I’d never have you by my side ever again.
I have been trying to comfort myself ever since then, telling myself that you would still be somewhere out there.
Watching over me.
Protecting me.
I hope you’re doing fine.
Maybe I’d meet you some day.
If only Heaven accepted e-mails, I’d send you one everyday.
P.S. I really miss you.
P.P.S. A lot.
Nov 18, 2018
Nov 18, 2018 at 1:35 AM UTC
"i chance upon your photos
my nose starts to scrunch
tears well up
you can't replace someone
who's not around anymore"
this was me a year ago.
one year later,
it doesn't hurt as much
but i still catch myself
thinking about you
sometimes
when a melancholic tune
comes up
i immediately
think of you
why did you leave so soon?
Apr 26, 2016
Apr 26, 2016 at 6:45 AM UTC
two years on
and the memories of you
still
linger around
what can i do
to make you
disappear from my life?
Apr 17, 2016
Apr 17, 2016 at 2:28 AM UTC
it was you
and me
against the world
it was you
and me
every single day
it was you
and me
holding hands
it was you
and me
taking turns
making the other half happy
it was you
that had the last say
it was you
who swept me
off my feet
it was you
who surprised me
with new information
every other day
it was you.
it was always you.
when did the 'me'
in 'you and me'
disappear?
that's why it's
downtime
right now.
Dec 3, 2015
Dec 3, 2015 at 10:09 AM UTC
it was a tragedy
that our paths crossed
at the wrong time
at the wrong place
at the wrong moment
it was a tragedy
when you asked,
'could we stay friends?'
it stunned me for the rest of the day
(escaping) pondering over the question
it was a tragedy
when i had to answer
'i can't remain as your friend, i'm sorry'
because it hurt too much
knowing that we can never
be more than just friends
it was a tragedy
because we made it so.
Sep 24, 2015
Sep 24, 2015 at 11:10 AM UTC
i chance upon your photos
my nose starts to scrunch
tears well up
you can't replace someone
who's not around anymore
flashbacks
memories (both good and bad)
reminiscent
tears
start
to
fall
down
the
contours
of
my
face
.
Jul 6, 2015
Jul 6, 2015 at 11:04 PM UTC
"Don't fall for someone perfect", they said.
"You'll end up comparing everyone else to him,"
When I first heard it, I laughed it away.
I thought it was impossible,
Impossible for someone "perfect" to exist.
And then, I met you.
It all happened way too fast.
Till now, I've no idea why I fell for you.
Those feelings were left as it was because to me,
I've held on to the notion that
Girls shouldn't confess first.
It's too bad (and too late) that I didn't heed that piece of advice.
Jun 6, 2015
Jun 6, 2015 at 1:15 PM UTC