amelia-h - Hello Poetry

falling in love laughing for real full minutes and it doesn’t stop being funny every time i think about it music loud windows down driving fast alone jealousy rage with hitting and screaming physically too hot guilt being almost home smiling or crying at a painting right after finishing a really good movie late at night wide awake having to fight another person physically to stay alive seeing the person you love the most get really hurt or die finding out a favorite Facebook friend died from RIP posts not being able to leave right after finally being done being mad and crying for hours high on ****** *** that makes you cry kissing someone special for the first time

0

Jul 10, 2020

Jul 10, 2020 at 1:32 PM UTC

strongest feelings

falling in love laughing for real full minutes and it doesn’t stop being funny every time i think about it music loud windows down driving fast alone jealousy rage with hitting and screaming physically too hot guilt being almost home smiling or crying at a painting right after finishing a really good movie late at night wide awake having to fight another person physically to stay alive seeing the person you love the most get really hurt or die finding out a favorite Facebook friend died from RIP posts not being able to leave right after finally being done being mad and crying for hours high on ****** *** that makes you cry kissing someone special for the first time

18

i tell you "i really like your hair- it's so blonde- it was black the last time i saw you" "and just plain brown when we were halfway in love" i say to myself. i don't really miss you in that way anymore but it's nice to think back on- "all of your new tattoos and your new hair- it's so blonde- you look like a new person" i tell you. "so do you" you reply. we both smile.

0

Jun 10, 2020

Jun 10, 2020 at 4:15 PM UTC

old friends

i tell you "i really like your hair- it's so blonde- it was black the last time i saw you" "and just plain brown when we were halfway in love" i say to myself. i don't really miss you in that way anymore but it's nice to think back on- "all of your new tattoos and your new hair- it's so blonde- you look like a new person" i tell you. "so do you" you reply. we both smile.

15

I am so alone that I am choking on it so many people love me and nobody knows me; fading tattoos on my body like an epitaph for my heart. Littered in bruises from people I don't know but they might as well be from me. It's still a better day than yesterday.

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Nov 4, 2019

Nov 4, 2019 at 8:11 PM UTC

I wish someone would tell me what to do and that I had to listen.

I am so alone that I am choking on it so many people love me and nobody knows me; fading tattoos on my body like an epitaph for my heart. Littered in bruises from people I don't know but they might as well be from me. It's still a better day than yesterday.

7

for two years every day had a purpose: get more ****** weeks became punctuated with Narcan in mcdonalds bathrooms and breaking your ribs trying to make you breathe again- when my hands come down on your chest i go back to the seventh grade someone is explaining that birds' bones are hollow because they were born to fly- why is there such sick pleasure in this? it was never as simple as wanting to get high- first day: i can't think of the baby that died I need to get high second day: I can't think about the boy that ***** me I need to get high over and over and over we would make love on the ****** forgive our faults as soon as we found a vein sharing a needle, you've been deeper inside of me than anyone- i'm sober now. moved thirty miles north. they took you away from me and the ****** my days aren't marked with purpose anymore it's been fourteen days since I finally thought of the child I'm still scared to mourn and the boy whose name I am too scared to whisper when I am alone I have not left my house in fourteen days and i can't breathe deeply; I broke my rib on day one

0

Aug 15, 2017

Aug 15, 2017 at 11:02 PM UTC

"i wish they had let me die in the southside"

for two years every day had a purpose: get more ****** weeks became punctuated with Narcan in mcdonalds bathrooms and breaking your ribs trying to make you breathe again- when my hands come down on your chest i go back to the seventh grade someone is explaining that birds' bones are hollow because they were born to fly- why is there such sick pleasure in this? it was never as simple as wanting to get high- first day: i can't think of the baby that died I need to get high second day: I can't think about the boy that ***** me I need to get high over and over and over we would make love on the ****** forgive our faults as soon as we found a vein sharing a needle, you've been deeper inside of me than anyone- i'm sober now. moved thirty miles north. they took you away from me and the ****** my days aren't marked with purpose anymore it's been fourteen days since I finally thought of the child I'm still scared to mourn and the boy whose name I am too scared to whisper when I am alone I have not left my house in fourteen days and i can't breathe deeply; I broke my rib on day one

26

it feels like the skin is at war with itself, fingernails as artillery, and i hear them whispering like these pinprick bullet wounds aren't critical until i can feel the pain- but there is a bomb that will go off inside of me i can feel the clock ticking down inside of me so loud i am vibrating, it's so loud you can see my hands shaking and bruises bloom like flowers on the cemetery my body is becoming and i can feel my blood being replaced with embalming fluid "stop this" i moan, and she says back, "just stop yourself"

0

Oct 2, 2016

Oct 2, 2016 at 5:14 PM UTC

too far gone

it feels like the skin is at war with itself, fingernails as artillery, and i hear them whispering like these pinprick bullet wounds aren't critical until i can feel the pain- but there is a bomb that will go off inside of me i can feel the clock ticking down inside of me so loud i am vibrating, it's so loud you can see my hands shaking and bruises bloom like flowers on the cemetery my body is becoming and i can feel my blood being replaced with embalming fluid "stop this" i moan, and she says back, "just stop yourself"

11

its late afternoon in the winter and the sun is dripping into the horizon, the creams golds crimsons making love to each other in the reflections in the snow. the air is frigid and whistles as i push further and further down on the accelerator. 60. 70. 80. 90. 100. 110. the steering wheel is practically vibrating and i have to grip it with both hands to keep it steady, my fingers are turning blue. there are fields and farmers' markets nearly hidden by the walls of snow plowed away earlier today. my knuckles are white, the pool of my ***** in the passenger seat on top looks like it's freezing over on the edges. my phone is ringing, i know it's not him, i can't look at it anyway. the sun hasn't stopped dripping below the horizon, the glow of my phone lights up the whole car. the radio is playing a song i don't know, it's so loud that i can feel the beat in my heart, but not even my pulse has a sense of rhythm beating ten beats between 1 and 3, my phone is still ringing, i know it's him but i know it's not. the ***** has developed a film, this car is putrid and i am inside of it. i know i should pull over but i can't get far enough away. i slow back to 80 and throw up outside of the window, i don't stop.

0

Jul 24, 2016

Jul 24, 2016 at 11:38 PM UTC

this **** belong to nobody

its late afternoon in the winter and the sun is dripping into the horizon, the creams golds crimsons making love to each other in the reflections in the snow. the air is frigid and whistles as i push further and further down on the accelerator. 60. 70. 80. 90. 100. 110. the steering wheel is practically vibrating and i have to grip it with both hands to keep it steady, my fingers are turning blue. there are fields and farmers' markets nearly hidden by the walls of snow plowed away earlier today. my knuckles are white, the pool of my ***** in the passenger seat on top looks like it's freezing over on the edges. my phone is ringing, i know it's not him, i can't look at it anyway. the sun hasn't stopped dripping below the horizon, the glow of my phone lights up the whole car. the radio is playing a song i don't know, it's so loud that i can feel the beat in my heart, but not even my pulse has a sense of rhythm beating ten beats between 1 and 3, my phone is still ringing, i know it's him but i know it's not. the ***** has developed a film, this car is putrid and i am inside of it. i know i should pull over but i can't get far enough away. i slow back to 80 and throw up outside of the window, i don't stop.

6

my words foam up and come out in squeaks and stutters and i always say all the wrong words and embarrass you in front of your friends my words are spat, not spoken when we're fighting and i'll say anything anything anything even if it is so cold and so acidic that my chest hurts after it's left my throat my words are too loud, too harsh, too demanding empty promises snorted away over and over again your fingers tracing my thigh and you look at me like you want to memorize every part what a difference a year makes you sneer at me from across the room the only way people know we're together is when someone else tells them i can't blame you for giving up on me i can't blame you for falling out of love i can't blame you for seeking comfort in someone else i'm still here and i'd do anything to be what you want again my words don't mean much of anything anymore

0

Jul 19, 2016

Jul 19, 2016 at 4:29 AM UTC

i can't really blame you

my words foam up and come out in squeaks and stutters and i always say all the wrong words and embarrass you in front of your friends my words are spat, not spoken when we're fighting and i'll say anything anything anything even if it is so cold and so acidic that my chest hurts after it's left my throat my words are too loud, too harsh, too demanding empty promises snorted away over and over again your fingers tracing my thigh and you look at me like you want to memorize every part what a difference a year makes you sneer at me from across the room the only way people know we're together is when someone else tells them i can't blame you for giving up on me i can't blame you for falling out of love i can't blame you for seeking comfort in someone else i'm still here and i'd do anything to be what you want again my words don't mean much of anything anymore

23

what scared me the most is that those few moments before i could tell for sure when i couldn't tell if the problem was inability to find a pulse or a vein- the weak, venomous veins- were the only few moments that were still quiet because nothing has seemed to stop since then the screaming hasn't stopped since then the screaming hasn't stopped since i started it it could've been her

0

Jun 28, 2016

Jun 28, 2016 at 5:43 AM UTC

on finding a dead boy at the top of the stairs

what scared me the most is that those few moments before i could tell for sure when i couldn't tell if the problem was inability to find a pulse or a vein- the weak, venomous veins- were the only few moments that were still quiet because nothing has seemed to stop since then the screaming hasn't stopped since then the screaming hasn't stopped since i started it it could've been her

10

her skin is a shade of white not natural her lips were blue in the morning she refuses to tell the doctors about the ****** the blow the pills but i tell her that it's okay because every time i look at her for more than a few seconds my face gets hot and not in the way it used to but in the way that makes you itch the sunset is hazy through sheer curtains she hasn't woken up for a few hours the sunset is hazy her eyes don't open all the way the sunset is hazy and falling away like a broken yolk

0

Apr 14, 2016

Apr 14, 2016 at 8:21 PM UTC

the only girl I have ever loved like this is dying next to me

her skin is a shade of white not natural her lips were blue in the morning she refuses to tell the doctors about the ****** the blow the pills but i tell her that it's okay because every time i look at her for more than a few seconds my face gets hot and not in the way it used to but in the way that makes you itch the sunset is hazy through sheer curtains she hasn't woken up for a few hours the sunset is hazy her eyes don't open all the way the sunset is hazy and falling away like a broken yolk

17

you cut the brown boy into two lines while i roll a dollar bill you're telling me about how i should let you shoot up just once so you can know what it's like. i loved the way ****** tasted, the way it felt sitting in my nose. unlike blow or pills, you don't let it drain into your throat it just sits there and pushes into you. you cut the brown boy and when we snort it it tastes like sugar sweeter than the coke cut with B12 that had me up all night and i can taste it all over my body like the sour sweet is pacing through my body to the beating of my heart i feel it in my arms i feel it in my nose i feel it between my legs. i felt so warm, and then i was on top of you. kissing on your neck and grinding on your lap, i can feel your heartbeat and it is so s l o w. the sun is setting outside and your skin is ignited with the orange flame. you taste like cherries and cucumbers and ****** the warmth is even brighter when you are inside of me, i am holding you so close that i'm scared if we go still we will just melt into each other. "i love you i love you i love you" we whisper back and forth; you grip my hands while i *** we're outside for a cigarette in your car we're going to go buy some molly in a city far away your eyelids are still sagging and everything is still so slow i can see the yellow of the nicotine in the smoke.

0

Feb 10, 2016

Feb 10, 2016 at 11:07 AM UTC

we snorted ****** and made love

you cut the brown boy into two lines while i roll a dollar bill you're telling me about how i should let you shoot up just once so you can know what it's like. i loved the way ****** tasted, the way it felt sitting in my nose. unlike blow or pills, you don't let it drain into your throat it just sits there and pushes into you. you cut the brown boy and when we snort it it tastes like sugar sweeter than the coke cut with B12 that had me up all night and i can taste it all over my body like the sour sweet is pacing through my body to the beating of my heart i feel it in my arms i feel it in my nose i feel it between my legs. i felt so warm, and then i was on top of you. kissing on your neck and grinding on your lap, i can feel your heartbeat and it is so s l o w. the sun is setting outside and your skin is ignited with the orange flame. you taste like cherries and cucumbers and ****** the warmth is even brighter when you are inside of me, i am holding you so close that i'm scared if we go still we will just melt into each other. "i love you i love you i love you" we whisper back and forth; you grip my hands while i *** we're outside for a cigarette in your car we're going to go buy some molly in a city far away your eyelids are still sagging and everything is still so slow i can see the yellow of the nicotine in the smoke.

38