amberblank15 - Hello Poetry

I rack my mind from dusk til dawn Filtering through a lifetime of memories Some incredible, some dreadful Some bring joy and belly busting laughter Others bring a river of unending tears and pain Where did I go wrong? I surrendered every breath, every beat of this heart. I freely sacrificed my soul My every atom fully to the love of my life My miracle, my reason for living My every dream come true My daughter All I am I give her All I know I teach her All my heart belongs to her At some crossing I took the wrong path I let her down, I broke her heart unintentionally Now stuck in this deep dark forest of my mind lost, deep in the weeds of this cruel existence. Her hand slipped out of mine, I’m stumbling, I’m blind and falling over my own feet. Searching through the darkness for eternity unable to find her. She was stolen from me Evil of social freedom and lies of this ugly reality have snatched her out of my arms. What is left of her I don’t recognize Someone with only distain for her mother Blame is now my hell Contempt surrounds me and envelopes the love that once filled my being Bitter taste of disappointment stains every sustenance No rest, no salvation My mind is my nemesis No chance of redemption No matter the length of my penance Eternally pleading for her to return, persist in my directive Screaming and wailing to god for one sign of love, one smile from her, one small glimmer of hope. To be left alone in my darkness, praying until my voice ceases to exist.

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Aug 17, 2024

Aug 17, 2024 at 8:13 PM UTC

What did I do?

I rack my mind from dusk til dawn Filtering through a lifetime of memories Some incredible, some dreadful Some bring joy and belly busting laughter Others bring a river of unending tears and pain Where did I go wrong? I surrendered every breath, every beat of this heart. I freely sacrificed my soul My every atom fully to the love of my life My miracle, my reason for living My every dream come true My daughter All I am I give her All I know I teach her All my heart belongs to her At some crossing I took the wrong path I let her down, I broke her heart unintentionally Now stuck in this deep dark forest of my mind lost, deep in the weeds of this cruel existence. Her hand slipped out of mine, I’m stumbling, I’m blind and falling over my own feet. Searching through the darkness for eternity unable to find her. She was stolen from me Evil of social freedom and lies of this ugly reality have snatched her out of my arms. What is left of her I don’t recognize Someone with only distain for her mother Blame is now my hell Contempt surrounds me and envelopes the love that once filled my being Bitter taste of disappointment stains every sustenance No rest, no salvation My mind is my nemesis No chance of redemption No matter the length of my penance Eternally pleading for her to return, persist in my directive Screaming and wailing to god for one sign of love, one smile from her, one small glimmer of hope. To be left alone in my darkness, praying until my voice ceases to exist.

33

You are my very existence. You hold my beating, throbbing, mangled heart in your hands. I am in constant awareness of your absence when your body is not with mine. I ache for your touch I hold my breathe between the moments of communication between us You are my breathe You are my eternity, you are my dreams and wishes You represent everything good in this world to me. I know at times I get lost in my own head, my thoughts seem to gravitate to the worst possible conclusion of every issue. I know I can be short, and seem cruel or unfeeling My greatest weakness is not thinking before I speak But my greatest strength is having you to understand me and love me anyway. You give me a power unlike anything I have ever felt The ability to not apologize for being me, the removal of expectation, the freedom and support to follow my heart. Knowing you are standing beside me, makes me invincible, immortal For every characteristic I lack you possess For every attribute I fail to express, you are there to show me how My teacher, my protector, my lover, my best friend, my confidant, my heart, my soulmate, my fate, my faith, my hope, my partner.

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Nov 28, 2016

Nov 28, 2016 at 10:04 AM UTC

My you

You are my very existence. You hold my beating, throbbing, mangled heart in your hands. I am in constant awareness of your absence when your body is not with mine. I ache for your touch I hold my breathe between the moments of communication between us You are my breathe You are my eternity, you are my dreams and wishes You represent everything good in this world to me. I know at times I get lost in my own head, my thoughts seem to gravitate to the worst possible conclusion of every issue. I know I can be short, and seem cruel or unfeeling My greatest weakness is not thinking before I speak But my greatest strength is having you to understand me and love me anyway. You give me a power unlike anything I have ever felt The ability to not apologize for being me, the removal of expectation, the freedom and support to follow my heart. Knowing you are standing beside me, makes me invincible, immortal For every characteristic I lack you possess For every attribute I fail to express, you are there to show me how My teacher, my protector, my lover, my best friend, my confidant, my heart, my soulmate, my fate, my faith, my hope, my partner.

18

Pure joyful intoxication In the presence of his body and soul There I have found my paradise Giddy and full of anticipation Every nerve, every sense is stimulated Blissful, in complete surrender to his commands Playful yet purposeful Jovial yet sincere Ecstasy and intimacy like never before His touch starts a fire burning deep in my soul through every motion, every sweet yet sensual kiss Brings this scarred spirit to life Indulging in the flesh Deeper than any connection in history Addicted to this euphoria Craving more and more Wanting to revel in the feeling of two bodies becoming one Drunk with desire Hungry to experience all that he has to offer Desperate to remain in this embrace Unable to wipe this foolish smile from my face

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Aug 5, 2016

Aug 5, 2016 at 10:58 AM UTC

Euphoria of You

Pure joyful intoxication In the presence of his body and soul There I have found my paradise Giddy and full of anticipation Every nerve, every sense is stimulated Blissful, in complete surrender to his commands Playful yet purposeful Jovial yet sincere Ecstasy and intimacy like never before His touch starts a fire burning deep in my soul through every motion, every sweet yet sensual kiss Brings this scarred spirit to life Indulging in the flesh Deeper than any connection in history Addicted to this euphoria Craving more and more Wanting to revel in the feeling of two bodies becoming one Drunk with desire Hungry to experience all that he has to offer Desperate to remain in this embrace Unable to wipe this foolish smile from my face

21

This soul is experiencing an awakening like never before Years of straining to please the masses Decades of being lost in the world of judging eyes Condemned by every heart she had allowed close Driven insane by the words that replayed every minute of every day Relentless scratching on this chalk board of reality Torture that seemed to be her eternity. Rescued by the sun A simple caress of her cheek , the sweet sound the vibration of his voice So easily untied the ropes of life that had strangled her soul Strange stillness has replaced the chaos of her mind Tranquility washes over her Peace settles in to take root As she watches as if she is a by stander to her own life Watches every inhibition every fear, every thought of failure fall away like magic He is her missing puzzle piece He is her balance He is her dream He is so unlike any before him She catches her breathe at every encounter In awe of the man standing before her Amazed by the serenity he provides Which to her is the greatest gift in the world

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Aug 5, 2016

Aug 5, 2016 at 10:11 AM UTC

Serene Sensation

This soul is experiencing an awakening like never before Years of straining to please the masses Decades of being lost in the world of judging eyes Condemned by every heart she had allowed close Driven insane by the words that replayed every minute of every day Relentless scratching on this chalk board of reality Torture that seemed to be her eternity. Rescued by the sun A simple caress of her cheek , the sweet sound the vibration of his voice So easily untied the ropes of life that had strangled her soul Strange stillness has replaced the chaos of her mind Tranquility washes over her Peace settles in to take root As she watches as if she is a by stander to her own life Watches every inhibition every fear, every thought of failure fall away like magic He is her missing puzzle piece He is her balance He is her dream He is so unlike any before him She catches her breathe at every encounter In awe of the man standing before her Amazed by the serenity he provides Which to her is the greatest gift in the world

26

Standing in the shadow of the day Enveloped by the darkness Petrified to step into the burning light Watching humanity self destruct from the comfort of my shadow The sadness and guilt drive me closer to the edge Wanting to just put one hand out To try and save even one soul from destruction Even though I know that doing so will only leave me burnt Still I cower in my solidarity I lock away all the inner decay Hoping that by hiding it from the light will make it go away So cold and lonely here Yet I find the pain familiarly soothing This shroud of emptiness and resentment have become my cloak Sheltering me from the dagger of society piercing what is left of this heart Sparing me the rejection of others And the judging eyes of the hypocrites that fill the streets of hell Exchanging only brief glances Screaming out for help with a single stare into the eyes of another Praying that someday someone would see the sadness and rescue me Only problem is I am surrounded by demons not angels

0

Apr 16, 2016

Apr 16, 2016 at 8:16 PM UTC

In the Shadow

Standing in the shadow of the day Enveloped by the darkness Petrified to step into the burning light Watching humanity self destruct from the comfort of my shadow The sadness and guilt drive me closer to the edge Wanting to just put one hand out To try and save even one soul from destruction Even though I know that doing so will only leave me burnt Still I cower in my solidarity I lock away all the inner decay Hoping that by hiding it from the light will make it go away So cold and lonely here Yet I find the pain familiarly soothing This shroud of emptiness and resentment have become my cloak Sheltering me from the dagger of society piercing what is left of this heart Sparing me the rejection of others And the judging eyes of the hypocrites that fill the streets of hell Exchanging only brief glances Screaming out for help with a single stare into the eyes of another Praying that someday someone would see the sadness and rescue me Only problem is I am surrounded by demons not angels

22

As the chill of winter begins to fade The trees begin to show signs of new life Flowers begin to bloom and reach for the glowing sunlight I sit on my back porch on a warm spring evening Gentle breeze blows through my hair My eyes drift closed and the smell of new born honey suckle plants Paint the breeze with a light sweet fragrance I am instantly taken back 20 years into my past Days of carefree fun, playing as a child Climbing trees, skint knees Riding Bikes til dark, Exploring in the woods Me and my brother frantically hunting for the biggest and sweetest honey suckle on the bush. Even for a small moment my innocence is returned Intact and as if it never left me Oh if I could live in that memory, true and unaltered happiness Free and easy Effortlessly moving through life on a wave of honey suckle breath

0

Apr 13, 2016

Apr 13, 2016 at 3:09 PM UTC

Honey Suckle Breath

As the chill of winter begins to fade The trees begin to show signs of new life Flowers begin to bloom and reach for the glowing sunlight I sit on my back porch on a warm spring evening Gentle breeze blows through my hair My eyes drift closed and the smell of new born honey suckle plants Paint the breeze with a light sweet fragrance I am instantly taken back 20 years into my past Days of carefree fun, playing as a child Climbing trees, skint knees Riding Bikes til dark, Exploring in the woods Me and my brother frantically hunting for the biggest and sweetest honey suckle on the bush. Even for a small moment my innocence is returned Intact and as if it never left me Oh if I could live in that memory, true and unaltered happiness Free and easy Effortlessly moving through life on a wave of honey suckle breath

18

Why do I sit and ponder and analyze every aspect of this life? Spending hours and days contemplating my place in this world Day dreaming of how I wish my life had turned out Imagining the day that fate will finally show me favor Why are some people easy to leave behind but others break you to your soul? Why do we want the ones who don't want us? Why is that I can't bare the thought of not having you in my life? Why can't I see the reality in front of my face? Is it just a chemical reaction that causes the bond I feel? Is it all in my head? I feel as though I am losing what is left of my sanity I would live through a thousand heart breaks to be in your presence Would endure any pain that may come from this decision With ease and pleasure why? Why do I seem to seek those who take my love for granted? Those who use and abuse me Why do I always look for the other shoe to drop? Why can't I at least have contentment? Why is happiness so brief and fleeting for me? Why do I see only certain people through rose colored glasses? Why am I cursed with an imagination so vivid that fantasy and reality begin to blur?

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Apr 11, 2016

Apr 11, 2016 at 3:43 PM UTC

Why?

Why do I sit and ponder and analyze every aspect of this life? Spending hours and days contemplating my place in this world Day dreaming of how I wish my life had turned out Imagining the day that fate will finally show me favor Why are some people easy to leave behind but others break you to your soul? Why do we want the ones who don't want us? Why is that I can't bare the thought of not having you in my life? Why can't I see the reality in front of my face? Is it just a chemical reaction that causes the bond I feel? Is it all in my head? I feel as though I am losing what is left of my sanity I would live through a thousand heart breaks to be in your presence Would endure any pain that may come from this decision With ease and pleasure why? Why do I seem to seek those who take my love for granted? Those who use and abuse me Why do I always look for the other shoe to drop? Why can't I at least have contentment? Why is happiness so brief and fleeting for me? Why do I see only certain people through rose colored glasses? Why am I cursed with an imagination so vivid that fantasy and reality begin to blur?

22

Every moment of the past 33 years I have hidden Behind this veil of vanity Covering every doubt and self destructive thought with a lie of arrogance Seems that the scars of the past still exist Deep down under the woman you see Lies the scared, unsure, timid little girl That was bullied and torn down Not just by her peers but also by those she gave her love and trust to Never truly able to be herself, so scared of judgement Terrified of rejection No one could every really love her, because reality was that she never exposed her true personality As a young child she put on shows Pranced around in all the jewlery and pretty clothing she could find Begging for the attention, she couldn't give herself Over achieving at every task Desperately trying to mold herself to what others wanted her to be Bragging of her beauty and exposing her body All in a failed attempt to draw attention away from the mortified child inside So photogenic, so prissy and proper So damaged, so broken Would she eventually believe the ruse she had performed for so long? Or would she become more and more disguised by the veil hanging heavy over her face Her breathe becoming quick and labored Her skin beginning to sweat from the heat of the sun Everything spinning, becoming dizzy Until this reality becomes the only option Until this veil becomes her face for eternity

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Mar 23, 2016

Mar 23, 2016 at 3:56 PM UTC

Veil of Vanity

Every moment of the past 33 years I have hidden Behind this veil of vanity Covering every doubt and self destructive thought with a lie of arrogance Seems that the scars of the past still exist Deep down under the woman you see Lies the scared, unsure, timid little girl That was bullied and torn down Not just by her peers but also by those she gave her love and trust to Never truly able to be herself, so scared of judgement Terrified of rejection No one could every really love her, because reality was that she never exposed her true personality As a young child she put on shows Pranced around in all the jewlery and pretty clothing she could find Begging for the attention, she couldn't give herself Over achieving at every task Desperately trying to mold herself to what others wanted her to be Bragging of her beauty and exposing her body All in a failed attempt to draw attention away from the mortified child inside So photogenic, so prissy and proper So damaged, so broken Would she eventually believe the ruse she had performed for so long? Or would she become more and more disguised by the veil hanging heavy over her face Her breathe becoming quick and labored Her skin beginning to sweat from the heat of the sun Everything spinning, becoming dizzy Until this reality becomes the only option Until this veil becomes her face for eternity

27

For just a day if I could lock my perception of reality away And see through the eyes and heart of another soul To truly be able to walk in your shoes I can only imagine how transcending it could be Could I discover new words, new worlds, new emotions Being able to feel what you feel Touch what you touch Inhale your world as my own Breathe in every new experience A new born baby viewing in awe this new world Taking each step in stride and each moment as my last Able to watch the movie of memories Sensing past pains and new hopes Sharing your greatest hopes and dreams No longer just an audience member Now a major player in this scene of existence No longer blind to what appears on the surface Diving deep into the center of your being Finally able to embrace the heart that is hidden so far beneath the exterior Wisdom of understanding Giving a new found appreciation for your life Honestly able to console and empathize Now knowing what makes your inner time piece click Opening up a infinite world of possibilities for our future

0

Mar 15, 2016

Mar 15, 2016 at 9:56 AM UTC

To walk in your shoes

For just a day if I could lock my perception of reality away And see through the eyes and heart of another soul To truly be able to walk in your shoes I can only imagine how transcending it could be Could I discover new words, new worlds, new emotions Being able to feel what you feel Touch what you touch Inhale your world as my own Breathe in every new experience A new born baby viewing in awe this new world Taking each step in stride and each moment as my last Able to watch the movie of memories Sensing past pains and new hopes Sharing your greatest hopes and dreams No longer just an audience member Now a major player in this scene of existence No longer blind to what appears on the surface Diving deep into the center of your being Finally able to embrace the heart that is hidden so far beneath the exterior Wisdom of understanding Giving a new found appreciation for your life Honestly able to console and empathize Now knowing what makes your inner time piece click Opening up a infinite world of possibilities for our future

24

Drawn to you like a powerful magnet My soul recognized yours and once that energy met There was no pulling us apart How strange to feel so strongly toward another soul Even though time in each other's presence has been short My heart and body yearns to be near him A strange form of attraction Never experienced New and rare An immediate connection Seems like I have been standing still in the same place for so long Then I was jolted when I started speeding toward him Involuntarily moving into his space, into his arms Chemical reaction, electrical impulses have taken over So familiar yet never experience Savoring every moment, every second we get I know how fleeting this feeling is I have had the butterflies many times But they never lasted, they changed and morphed into agonizing pains How amazing would it be if they stayed I am a dreamer and yes my heart is permanently attached to my sleeve I follow my heart and emotions Even if they make me do crazy irrational things No matter how hard I try I can not change that aspect of me Its impossible to remove the whisper of hope deep down in my heart The chance that the one may be out there for me May end in heartache May end in eternity The fact of not knowing keeps this hopeless romantic wondering Will the gravity between us remain unchanged?

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Mar 11, 2016

Mar 11, 2016 at 12:12 PM UTC

Magnetic Impulse

Drawn to you like a powerful magnet My soul recognized yours and once that energy met There was no pulling us apart How strange to feel so strongly toward another soul Even though time in each other's presence has been short My heart and body yearns to be near him A strange form of attraction Never experienced New and rare An immediate connection Seems like I have been standing still in the same place for so long Then I was jolted when I started speeding toward him Involuntarily moving into his space, into his arms Chemical reaction, electrical impulses have taken over So familiar yet never experience Savoring every moment, every second we get I know how fleeting this feeling is I have had the butterflies many times But they never lasted, they changed and morphed into agonizing pains How amazing would it be if they stayed I am a dreamer and yes my heart is permanently attached to my sleeve I follow my heart and emotions Even if they make me do crazy irrational things No matter how hard I try I can not change that aspect of me Its impossible to remove the whisper of hope deep down in my heart The chance that the one may be out there for me May end in heartache May end in eternity The fact of not knowing keeps this hopeless romantic wondering Will the gravity between us remain unchanged?

30