your mouth tries to form the words that
your brain wants to say but your tongue
is weary and your lungs are just so futile,
working hard to overcome this but
you're exhausted and ready for sleep
cardiac arrest, and they're begging god to take you,
instead of asking you to stay
but you never wanted our pity,
and you never wanted our tears
you just wanted us to pray,
you wanted us to come to jesus
and ask to sit by his hand
but i still flinch whenever i see his palms
i can't stand the sight of blood
i'm afraid of the ocean,
and i'm afraid of the flood
i'd measured out the morphine,
once every other day,
then once a day,
then twice a day
and then every six hours then every four hours then every hour-
and then when you couldn't swallow anymore
we tucked it into your cheek, hoping that
you'd forgive us when we tried to ease your suffering,
and again when you heard our whispered prayers
begging god to take you, instead of asking you to stay
Dec 3, 2023
Dec 3, 2023 at 12:08 AM UTC
watching someone die
has a way of changing you
into someone new
Nov 28, 2022
Nov 28, 2022 at 2:05 PM UTC
there are crumbs scattered through the forest
are you calling out to me?
if i taste you, will you still be sweet?
buttercup fields begging to tell me
if you love me or love me not
but i'm tongue tied and choking on the apology
too afraid to pluck your petals in the search for truth
i'm sorry that i'm disappointing
Aug 2, 2022
Aug 2, 2022 at 7:31 AM UTC
you were confused by the difference
between ****** and heroine
but you loved to do them both,
hoping that one of them would
finally take you away
Dec 17, 2021
Dec 17, 2021 at 9:26 PM UTC
you know, it's funny; tonight i was driving back to an empty apartment and one of your songs for me came through the speakers a bit too loud, just the way you liked it. the one about the girl who fled virginia for the west coast and the desperation to keep her close, mentioning the kempsville back roads and the boardwalk that we used to drive around ourselves. you said it was going to happen, i was going to leave virginia and you with it and flee to the pacific. and it's funny; you were right. i did exactly that, no matter how many times i tried to laugh at your vision of my future. you were always right.
and what's even more funny: you live further west than i ever have, surrounded by the mountains i am desperate to see, and i'll be returning to that commonwealth i was desperate to get away from. and it's almost a poetic justice. that i'm going back and you're the one half a world away. but this time, i won't be climbing through the windows of houses on indian river road anymore, or packing bongs in the snow in a greenbrier backyard, or watching the curls that would spill over that gentle curve of your lip in that house off of lynnhaven where we first met. no, i'll get to see the gentle curves of the east coast mountains, perhaps softer than yours ever were. i'll watch cherry blossoms fall soft and sweet, better than the way i fell for you. and you'll be in some spotlight in anchorage, making her laugh harder than i ever did. and that's okay with me.
Nov 11, 2021
Nov 11, 2021 at 1:03 AM UTC
i used to see signs of your
indiscretions and always read
them as directions of where i
should run, and it always said
that i should run away from you
i learned the taste of blood from
the way that i would bite my
tongue to stop from speaking my mind,
and it always tasted like metal
giving way and folding under pressure
Oct 3, 2021
Oct 3, 2021 at 9:56 AM UTC
i am your favorite little **** up
your favorite mess to clean up
the dirt you sweep under your rug
Oct 3, 2021
Oct 3, 2021 at 9:51 AM UTC
there's something tragic,
something poetic,
something nostalgic
about the way i still hang
onto every word you said
onto the way that you would
bury your face into my hair
onto the time that you bought
me a drink from across the
room at her art show
there's something tragic,
something poetic,
something nostalgic
about my visceral reaction
every time i hear your name
every time i drink tea in the
afternoon on a chilly day
every time i walk down the
road where you carried me
home when i had too much
there's something tragic,
something poetic,
something nostalgic
about you
Sep 6, 2021
Sep 6, 2021 at 10:22 PM UTC
you're just a ghost roaming these halls
that i don't walk down anymore
my favorite crypt keeper in a vacant mausoleum
they'd call it haunted if it was ever anything at all
maybe you're in the dust that
shakes from the old books,
coating these lungs of mine and
staying with me after i leave
or maybe you're the wax on old candles
waiting for the flame to reignite
so you can melt into a puddle all over my floor
Aug 29, 2021
Aug 29, 2021 at 7:33 PM UTC
you loved to buy me a bottle of wine
to drink within a night so you could
taste the chemicals on my lips
i asked you to call me in the morning
but you only ever called me broken
then wondered how i ever came to be that way
you used me to cut yourself along my jagged edges,
push me away when i would try to stop the bleeding
but you loved to hurt you and me and everyone else
you only write words across checks that your heart can't cash
May 24, 2021
May 24, 2021 at 12:40 AM UTC