I feel her eyes upon me
Digging into my soul
I can't run from this pain
Simply losing control
For she's force-fed
These demons
There's a loss in my hair
From the stress that's upon me
As if she's always been there
But that's not true
No it can't be
I'm losing my mind
For she's claimed you
Publicly
I'm wishing I was blind
So I can't see
These tricks on me
She's messing with my head
Manipulative
Like a puppet
Maneuvering my limbs with a thread
And I hate it
I shun it
Lock it up tight in a box
But it calls me
It haunts me
Am I not enough?
For you've told me
You've shown me
How I was your world
But can that be the truth now?
Was there always another girl?
Alysia Marie 2018 ©
Mar 26, 2019
Mar 26, 2019 at 6:54 PM UTC
Within the darkness,
I felt it-
Your fingertips
drowning between
each individual strand
of my hair,
Your lips searching
for comfort
in the delicate curves
of my skin-
And in mornings light,
I felt it once more-
Deep rooted memories
awaiting the return of
the fortresses that have
become your arms,
Where I shall feel
the safety of your
embrace throughout
the night once more-
Longing for it to be
a daily ritual of
waking in the presence
of your love
Alysia Marie 2018 ©
Dec 27, 2018
Dec 27, 2018 at 9:06 PM UTC
I’m sick
And I’m tired
I’m eating my words
As they dance on my tongue
Making me squirm as they turn
Oh I’m biting
I’m chewing
Simply swallowing my pride
For I can’t say how I feel
No matter how hard I’ve tried
For they pin me
They ***** me
Puncturing my mind
As I sit here and silence
Muted like a mime
I can’t say it
I fear it
The version that you’ll see
If I emit all of these feelings
My caged memories
For they haunt me
They taunt me
Like a stained porcelain tub
You can’t rid it of residue
No matter how hard you scrub
That’s my mind
They’re my eyes
Tinted a light shade of blue
As eroded as these beaches
I’m drowning from you
Your fingers
They’ve grabbed me
Now bruising my soul
How can one escape from your grasp-
I just long to feel whole
For it was physical
Now emotional
Unsure which one is worse
See these flashbacks you’ve gifted me
Were your most vicious curse
Alysia Marie 2018 ©
Dec 22, 2018
Dec 22, 2018 at 10:52 PM UTC
“..And just like that,
Emotions shifted faster than the changing seasons-
Undoubtedly as the leaves did on my favorite tree,
I seemed to be falling-
Falling a little bit more in love with you during each passing day,
But unlike the trees and the seasons-
I don’t see an end to this decent...”
Alysia Marie 2018 ©
Oct 5, 2018
Oct 5, 2018 at 12:02 AM UTC
I feel like a puddle in front of a school.
Having children jump in me one after another as they see me on the ground.
But every time you jump in a puddle,
the water disperses..
the puddle gets smaller from the water splashing out.
And oh my,
far too many feet have dipped their toes into the hollows of my being for me to feel functional.
I feel as if I’m shrinking like that puddle in a sense.
Tainted by ***** shoes making permanent alterations to my pre-existing form.
Maybe sometimes there’s no “adaptive responses.”
The only way for the puddle to fill and grow again,
is for more rain to fall.
But there are no clouds in this sky of “me.”
Sep 24, 2018
Sep 24, 2018 at 10:23 AM UTC
Yes
I still wake up
in the middle of the night
reaching for a body
that just isn’t there
Just as I did now
and just as I will tomorrow
as well as every night that follows
in which I’m left here alone
without you
Alysia Marie 2018 ©
Aug 31, 2018
Aug 31, 2018 at 2:04 AM UTC
You’ve left me there,
In the dark-
With all of the demons of my past.
They’ve held me captive in those shadows,
And they continued to-
While you waltzed into the light.
Alysia Marie 2018 ©
Aug 22, 2018
Aug 22, 2018 at 10:02 AM UTC
How beautiful it is
to have been released from those chains
that you’ve constricted my heart with
For all of those years
Alysia Marie 2018 ©
Aug 20, 2018
Aug 20, 2018 at 9:07 AM UTC
She lingers,
She speaks-
She sings in my mind.
For she polishes these windows,
My eyes-
How divine.
Yet sometimes I’m a puppet,
Her precious marionette.
At times I want to cower,
Wish only to forget.
For those words she speaks freely,
Cage me up like a bird.
Making me feel less of a human,
A soul-
How absurd!
Yet even though I’m aware of this poison that she spews-
Sending chills to my bones,
Leaving me internally confused.
For I’m aware of her games,
Yet I’m completely content-
With knowing the consequences,
Still I don’t repent.
Yes, it’s killing me slowly,
Forcing myself not to breath.
Figuratively and relatively-
Casting my body out to flee.
For the porcelain in my sight,
Calls my name like a god.
My body’s screaming for mercy,
In and instant-
She applauds.
Released and freed,
She whispers in my ears.
Slowly and surely,
But she’s housing all of my fears.
For this voice that sang sweetly,
Praising me for the days-
Of vacancy of my body,
Turns my mind into a maze.
See her words create hallways,
One intertwining with the last-
Of memories from my present,
Being guilted by my past.
Leaving me feeling so helpless,
So alone-
So afraid.
But that same voice brings be comfort,
Satisfaction-
For all of those days.
Yes it’s confusing in a sense,
Perhaps even to the eye.
But for me this is a daily,
A struggle of the mind.
See my body is strong,
Yet I feel internally weak.
For these words that I’m writing,
My lips can hardly speak.
Alysia Marie 2018 ©
May 16, 2018
May 16, 2018 at 8:38 PM UTC