He said to me,
"And when you're distraught my dear, I want you to look at your hands.
Your hands are the ones that have braced your falls.
They have moved the obstacles in your way, only to create something so beautiful in the end.
Your hands have touched and healed the Earth and the creatures that dwell amongst her.
They know hard work and soft play.
Your hands are the ones that have gripped and grasped firmly to the things and souls you hold most dear.
They have written your traumas and triumphs.
So once again love, I want you to look at YOUR hands and realize just how strong they truly are."
Mar 31, 2020
Mar 31, 2020 at 10:53 PM UTC
Pastel skies and chilly dark nights,
this is life for a wildflower like me.
Sitting by the fire full of hopes and desires,
longing to once again feel free.
Seldom do I feel free with my roots deeply entangled in you.
Jan 15, 2017
Jan 15, 2017 at 6:27 PM UTC
I won't spend my life waiting around for you...
Then we broke hysterically, because not even I believed that.
Nor could I convince you.
Yeah, we'll see...
Apr 1, 2015
Apr 1, 2015 at 9:34 PM UTC
Through the ashes I will rise.
For this fire within me is wild,
and can't be tamed.
Feb 27, 2015
Feb 27, 2015 at 8:09 PM UTC
I'm in trouble...
I've been in trouble from the start.
The moment you climbed into the ***** seat of my car you peaked my interest.
And in that single moment, when your eyes met mine in the rear view mirror, you stole a sliver of my heart.
From then on I knew my life would change; I gained the only light capable of making this black hole of darkness easier to escape from.
You were the light house beacon and I the tiny weathered boat searching for the shore.
Alas you made excuses as to why we couldn't be together and my darkness continues to swallow me, but you still remained my beacon.
I guess I just realized I always loved you.
I was always in love with you, but now it's more clear.
Especially since you are not here.
I'm afraid. I'm terrified in fact.
Is it finally our turn?
No, I guess not.
I still have to play this ******* waiting game, like I have been for 6 years.
I've become fluent in this game.
What's one more year?
7 is supposed to be a luck number, right?
Maybe I'm just bullshitting myself
You've broken my heart before, but we didn't really recall.
We had teenage angst,
Drugs,
Music and
Art to distract us.
Now it's the real world, and this is very real darling.
I'm terrified.
I don't want to scare you with the truth but, hell, I'm scarring myself quite frankly.
Just old feelings dancing with new ones...
When in reality they've been the same feelings all along just amplified 1000 watts, because it's almost our time.
What's one more ******* year?
I need to take a step back.
More like five.
I do this all the time.
I dive and drown.
But we've dipped our toes in the water before..
You are forever my always
Feb 21, 2015
Feb 21, 2015 at 12:34 PM UTC
And what happens when I finally give in?
What happens when I give myself to you fully?
Will you take me as I am or cast me out like the rest?
Or will I cast myself out from you and what we try to build...
Have I jinxed it even before we started?
Miles between us.
Hours, seconds and minutes in the past and future.
Seemingly two different seasons.
Hot in one place and frigid in the next.
Have I jinxed it already?
"I miss you" can only be said so many times until it becomes unfamiliar.
Then all of a sudden, it hits the worst at night when I try to sleep.
When I can't talk to you.
When you sleep the day away and I am awake.
Hours, seconds and minutes in the past and future.
I've loved you since always.
I'm terrified of this love because I know how it could end.
It's happened once too many times before..
**** I jinxed it haven't I?
At least, perhaps, for myself.
But perhaps... it would be wonderful.
Feb 2, 2015
Feb 2, 2015 at 11:01 PM UTC
She has become her demons.
This innocent flower.
Her demons have lived, pillaged and devoured her.
But yet she does not fight them,for these demons are all she's known.
In all the chaos they have become her home.
At least she's certainly not alone.
Its to the point now, where she dare not escape.
Her mind corrupted and her life at stake.
But its always been this way, ever since she tuned in.
When that happens they finally win.
These hell sent goblins of grief, never stopped to keep the peace.
Instead they thrived and bred, eventually consummating in her head.
This innocent flower, corrupted so soon.
Not even these malignant spirits allowed her to bloom.
But she did bloom, into a flower of despair.
Its too late now, these demons have won.
She has become the most beautiful valley of Autumn Crocus.
So toxic there is no cure.
These demonic sprites have left her impure.
Feb 26, 2014
Feb 26, 2014 at 12:09 PM UTC
It's days like this when I still feel in love;
then I realize he's gone and the pain comes rushing back again.
Now I just feel the chill of the open window
and I'm no longer enlightened, just bitter cold..
Time is supposed to make this easier, but why wont my heart forget?
Just reset like before.
I don't understand.
I seriously think it's untreatable, unrepairable.
That was all I had left in me and now I'm just tired..
It's exhausting trying to feel anything other than heartache and terror.
Even those feeling exhaust me.
I'm tired...
Feb 26, 2014
Feb 26, 2014 at 12:05 PM UTC
The way I describe Arizona to strangers, is the same way I describe him to everyone I know
I say it with such fulfillment and passion of not only the factual imaginations I have,
but also of the deepest crevices of my heart.
And oh the feeling I get is a euphoric adrenaline rush.
For once in a blue moon I'm high on something other than THC;
for once so often I am high on heart wrenching,
Fairy tale stories,
True...
Love...
What's happening to me?
Jan 29, 2014
Jan 29, 2014 at 12:00 AM UTC
Its cold.
I'm cold.
This polar vortex, part two I might suggest, has taken all the warmth that was left.
How? Why?
These are the confessions of a desert rat.
This gelid waste land, not quite a tundra but close, has taken everything from me.
How am I to live in such a place as that?
Survival of the fittest is what Darwin had in mind, but did he realize that over decades and time the fittest have gotten fat?
These are the confessions of a desert rat.
All the others, that have been here all their lives, have no idea I'm still trying to survive.
This frigid winter is no place for me.
I miss my warmth, my sun, my shadeless trees.
Why have I come to a place that doesn't belong to me?
Looking back I thought this place might be a new start, but instead this longing and pain grew in the deepest crevasses of my heart.
It's been three years time, its still cold.
I'm still frozen.
A desert rat in the snow.
Is this really how I must go?
These are the confessions of a desert rat.
to be continued....
Jan 25, 2014
Jan 25, 2014 at 11:36 PM UTC