dear, grandpa
I'm sorry
I'm so sorry for being a ghost
while you were still here.
because its so hard
to watch the person
who taught you how to tie your shoes
slowly unknot from his own life
"gone"
that's a weird word, isn't it
it sounds like a door clicking shut
but it feels like a house collapsing
I can't believe the hands that held mine
are just a memory I have to fight to keep warm
your skin had turned to stone
and I am left clutching at the air you used to breathe
it cuts me deep to know I will have to save you a seat at my graduation
I'll set the seat, straighten my gown.
but the seat will stay empty and cold
I'll look in the crowd and hope I see that beaming smile you had.
praying for a ghost that doesn't show up.
knowing that the only place you'll be sitting
is in the quiet ache that sits in my chest
and when I want a hug after accepting that diploma
all I will have is a jar full of you.
telling me that you really are
dead.
they tell me your resting now
they say your a ship that finally found the shore
but I'd rather you were still out at storm with me
I refuse to trade your voice for " peace"
I refuse to accept a world where you are past tense
I'm not ready to let go of the pain
if it means letting go of the person..
Apr 23
Apr 23, 2026 at 9:37 PM UTC
love
is not just a word
its 2 people
who found each other
when the waters were deep
how he found me when my water almost drowned me.
how he was the light at the end of my tunnel.
his hugs bring me purpose
they wrap around me like a quiet room
where the rest of the world just
stops.
it’s the only place where the noise dies down
and I can finally hear my own heart again.
its the way he reaches into the quiet
and finds the girl I thought I lost
he didn't just pull me out of the deep
he taught me how to stand in without sinking
now when the clouds look dark I don't look for shelter
I just look for his hands
the steady pulse in his veins telling me im home
we aren't just surviving the storm anymore
were the calm that comes after it
the soft light reflecting off the pavement
proving that even after the heavy rain
there can be a rainbow.
and he's my rainbow
Apr 13
Apr 13, 2026 at 10:35 PM UTC
when someone brings up
how pretty the stars look
I will always think of you
that night
because the sky was full of light
but somehow
your brown eyes
were shining brighter
like every star in the universe
had fallen into them and decided to stay
the same eyes that look at me
like I'm the only girl in the world
like the moon only rises
just to watch the ocean shine
how being with you makes me feel
stronger
better
like I'm finally the version of myself
I was always meant to be
like the way the sun
makes flowers open in the morning
you make parts of me
come alive
like I have a reason to still be here.
you've seen my scars
the ones I try to hide
like cracks in glass
that somehow hold together
you've seen my insecurities
my quiet thoughts
my opinions
the messy parts of me
and instead of looking away
you stayed
like stars that refuse to disappear
even when the sky turns to nothing
and somehow
after seeing all of me
you still call me beautiful
like I'm something rare
like I'm a constellation
instead of just another star
Mar 13
Mar 13, 2026 at 12:29 AM UTC
Derealization is real.
when your hands go numb and start to shake
like they belong to someone else
everything turns a shade of yellow
some blurry some animated
but the outside world changes to
you start to shake.
it will pick you piece by piece
until all that's left
is your mind asking what's real? what's not?
no one warns you
of how absolutely terrifying it is
to feel yourself slip
all you can do is sit
and wait for it to pass
but it doesn't just pass
it curls around your skull
it clouds your head and infects it
like a gas leak
fogging your mind from reality
warping your body's sense of presence
every heartbeat is too loud
every movement feels false
every breath is shallow but never ending
its like being trapped
between reality and a dream
you cant wake from
sometimes you wonder
if this is who you are
or just the sickness
that has lived in your mind
and even when it fades
you carry the echo
the knowledge
that your own brain
can turn against you
and contaminate your version of reality
Feb 16
Feb 16, 2026 at 2:58 AM UTC
scars fade
but the reason for them never do.
they follow you into your future
they will be there for you wedding
they will be there for your good days
and your bad.
they sit with you when your laughing
and when your barley holding it together
they are not just marks on your skin
little white lines
they are memories
proof almost
they will be a reminder of all your battles you fought
The sacrifices you've made in silence
the wars you've won inside your head
and even though you had to let some pain out
on your legs
you still stayed
not because it was easy
but because you almost gave up
and didn't
that's bravery
knowing that you thought your time was up
but continued pushing
Jan 20
Jan 20, 2026 at 12:39 AM UTC
At night my room gets louder
even though nothing is making a sound
the walls listen
the ceiling watches
and my thoughts finally stop pretending they are okay
my phone is the only light left on
glowing like a small moon in my hands
everyone else is asleep
but my mind is wide awake
replaying things I never asked to remember
blankets are heavy
but not heavy enough to hold me together
my pillow hold every tear I admit to crying.
the dark feels heavy
like its pressing on my chest
asking questions I dont know how to answer
I try to sleep
but my mind runs marathons at midnight
every memory
lines up
every mistake takes its turn
and I have to sit there and watch
my room feels like a box at night
safe but lonely
quiet but crowded with thoughts
and sometimes I wish morning would come
and save me from myself
Jan 18
Jan 18, 2026 at 3:59 PM UTC
In the ring, I throw punches
like I’m trying to knock the sadness out of me.
Every swing is a conversation with my fear,
every hit is me saying,
“You don’t get to win today.”
My gloves feel heavy,
not just with padding,
but with everything I don’t say out loud.
All my quiet thoughts live in my fists.
I move my feet like I’m running from my mind,
dodging memories instead of punches,
slipping past doubts the way I slip past jabs.
The bell rings,
and for a few minutes,
the world finally shuts up.
no overthinking.
no what-ifs.
just breath, sweat, and heartbeat.
In the ring, I’m not fragile.
I’m focused.
I’m sharp.
I’m fire pretending to be calm.
but when the gloves come off,
so does the armor.
And I’m just a girl again
with bruises you can’t see.
Boxing teaches me how to fight,
but I’m still learning
how to rest.
Jan 18
Jan 18, 2026 at 12:39 AM UTC
Dear future me
I hope you survived this version of me
the one who carried storms in her chest
and called it breathing
and you don't feel the same weight as I do now
like every thought is like a stone in your pocket
pulling you deeper into your own mind.
I hope your wind is just a breeze now
not a tornado ripping through your ribs
the way it is tonight
I hope you've found the love you deserve
the kind that doesn't make you flinch
the kind that feels like safety and not fear
I hope that you aren't as scared of love as I am
not running from it like its another disaster waiting to happen
I hope that your problems aren't so loud anymore
that they whisper instead of scream
that your solutions come easy
like answers floating to the surface
instead of sinking out of reach
and I hope when you look back at me
you don't feel embarrassed or tired of who I was
I hope you feel proud
because this version of you
was just trying to survive
Jan 18
Jan 18, 2026 at 12:35 AM UTC
Best friend isn't just a word or a person
its the person
the person you run to when your world is collapsing
when your thoughts start tripping over each other
when your heart feels to heavy to carry alone
being with her feels like the hole in my chest
has bandaid on it
like something broken is learning to breathe again
she dosent fix me
but she sits with me while I fix myself
her laugh sounds like angles forgetting their supposed to be quiet
it fills rooms the way sunlight fills windows
her smile feels like a sunset on your skin
warm and soft and impossible to hold on to
but you never forget what it feels like
and her eyes shine like diamonds.
but not the kind locked behind glass
they're the kind you find in the dark
guiding, steady, reminding you where you are
when you feel lost inside your own head
shes my calm in the middle of storms
my safe place when everything feels unsure
with her silence isn't awkward
its peaceful
and words don't need to be perfect
they just need to be hers.
best friend isn't a title
its a feeling
its knowing that someone sees all your cracks
and still calls you beautiful
Jan 18
Jan 18, 2026 at 12:13 AM UTC
in another life
we’re still us.
love doesn’t feel like a risk
it arrives gently
like warm water,
not like a hurricane
in that life,
mornings are soft.
I don’t wake up with my guard already raised,
don’t rehearse what I’ll say
in case I have to defend my heart.
we’re still choosing each other there
not just me
not just you
but we chose each other
nothing splinters in my hands
when I trust you.
in that version of now,
I don’t flinch at kindness.
I love without hesitating
without loving like I’m already about to be left
without memorizing pain.
but in this life,
I learned early
that love can cut.
I learned to step carefully,
even when my feet were already bleeding.
sometimes I wonder
if that softer version of me
still exists
or if she only lives
in the other life
where we stayed.
Dec 23, 2025
Dec 23, 2025 at 9:21 PM UTC