Not really a poem. More a note.
The day I met you I fell in love. I never thought this day would come. How can someone be so in love then be so rude weeks later? How could someone promise to never leave but be gone and never come back? I had dreams about this every ******* night and guess What? There gone. Just like you. Maybe it was a sign. I can't stop thinking about that night. How I ****** my whole life up in 20 seconds. I regret everything. I regret my mind telling me things that may not be true but believe them anyway. I always knew I was never good enough for you and I guess I was right. I never felt such pain and hurt that I don't know how to control it. Things I want to do and things I want to say should never be said but I do it anyway and I don't know why. You never have been perfect but it was all I needed. 4 years of seeing your face and touching your hair and laughing together and making a child turns into sleepless nights and hateful hurtful words and a sad 9 month old wishing her daddy would come home. I can't believe some of the things you have said. They play in my head over and over again. Someone you loved and still love How? How can you leave me like this. How could you forget about our life and move on with no hurt or no pain? How can you be away for so long and not miss Me? Are you even thinking at all? Who's there that is making you forget about everything we Have? Do they help you at night when you wake up scared? Do they take care of you when you had no where to go? Do they love you threw all your bad nights? What about when you didn't want to work and you took those long months off? Who supported You? What about when you where so alone so far away who helped you threw it? The girl you fell in love with you won't even give one last chance too. The girl who stood buy your side no matter what you won't even look back on. The girl who loved you so much won't even give me the time of day. Or maybe I'm still a buzz **** right? That plays in my head all day. I want to forget and tell people I'm okay but I'm not. I'm not okay and I don't think I ever will be.
May 25, 2017
May 25, 2017 at 12:29 AM UTC
This child was a mistake. I'm sorry daddy might not be there. I've loved him more then life itselfs. But sometimes love isn't enough for some people. Sometimes people can't love even if you steal the sun and the stars for them. Mommy will try her best to give you everything. Mommy won't tell you that daddy left because he wanted more and I was simply not enough. We were simply not enough. Mommy will try not to cry when I look at your face and see him in you. Mommy will tell you it wasn't daddy's fault that he left. I know daddy trys. But it isn't enough anymore. I know you can feel mommy is sad and I'm sorry I'm bringing you into the world broken and on our own. He said he wanted to make things better but things can't ever be the same.
Aug 14, 2016
Aug 14, 2016 at 10:34 PM UTC
I haven't written in a long time cause normally I write about how sad or upset I was. I haven't been sad in a while. Actually. But today I don't know how I feel. I don't know what tomrrow holds anymore. I don't know who or what or what makes me happy anymore. I've always liked being alone and maybe that's just the way God or whatever is out there wanted me to be. I mean is there always someone for everyone? How do you know ? You dont. Can people just love one human and be okay with that? Why put trust and love in someone if they don't put trust and love in you? How can you sleep and come home to someone and not be fully in love with them and when something new comes along and forget all you ever had with them? I didn't ask to be here but here I am and it kills me. I always thought if you were a good person good things happen to you. But here I am. And that's not true. Nothing is true. Love is just a made up word to please us. To make us feel something when there's nothing to feel at all.
Feb 9, 2016
Feb 9, 2016 at 1:03 PM UTC
It's 11:42 pm and I have to be up at 8am. That's 9 hours from now and I don't think that's enough time for my mind to rest. My mind is never at rest and I don't know why that is. It's a consent thing that keep thinking and moving and playing with my body and I kinda don't like it. If I could sit and pull each and every piece of faded red hair out if my head id rather do that then think for 9 hours and 15 mins. Id rather drown myself then think about every mistake that I have made and every countless thing that made me who I am today. being alive is just a chore I don't want anymore. I'm so sick of wanting everything to be okay and perfect when life never has been. It never will be and I'm not okay with that. I don't want more, I want nothing. I want my mind to stop telling me that everything is wrong and your not here for me. I can never get the words out and I can't play this game of not knowing everything is fine. Everything is not fine and I'm a mess and I can't understand why you are still here. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be me. Everything comes to me at once and I don't know how to deal with it without cutting away or sounding like a teenage girl who just started highschool. I'm afraid to jump without understanding what I would be leaving be hide. Am I leaving anything be hide? Am I just a space that you found? Am I your whole heart or just the empty space no one ever filled?
Jun 8, 2015
Jun 8, 2015 at 12:05 AM UTC
I'm not special. I never was. I'm sliver when most people are gold. I never expected someone to stay. I always knew there are people better in the world that catch your attention. It's not like I'm anything at all. I can't do much. Sing. Dance. Play ball. Can't do nothing at all. I'm some girl who holds you back when you want more. I'm hard on myself and I know that. But someone like you who meant the world to me hurts me with words that I'm not good enough. I know I'm not. I never was. It's hard to be happy when words repeat in my mind. It's hard to feel wanted when I'm not wanted as much anymore. Some girls are out of your ledge then what dose that make me? Nothing? Temporary until you become out of my ledge? Some people aren't meant to be loved but I always thought we were good.
Apr 28, 2015
Apr 28, 2015 at 12:56 PM UTC
All I want is to be warped up in your arms safe and not worried about what the world has to offer. I want to wake up to your face sound asleep and smile to the fact that your mine.
That funny fact is that I'm so in love with you scares me cause waking up alone is a recurring thing that I don't want it to stay. I want you to stay. I'm not one to look into mirrors and see beauty but with you my mirrors are broken and all I see is you. I still get scared your gonna not want me and not think I'm everything you want in a soul and that's a battle on these long lonely nights. Maybe that's why I feel like I need to become perfect for you when you return to me. I'm boring. And the same. Do you want that forever?
Oct 16, 2014
Oct 16, 2014 at 1:43 AM UTC
I fell for a boy who walked to my house in negative degrees in dark cold winter storms. he stayed with me when I had a 101 fever and held me and didn't let go in our short month of being together. The I love you's should of came sooner then they did. Cause I loved you since I laid on you and didn't wanna move. I loved you since our first kiss. Laughing in the middle of your kitchen and dinning room. Burning pizzas and chicken. You make my face turn from winter to summer with the taste of your name coming out of my month. My whole body shift turns to the loveliest feelings when you are mentioned. Maybe I found what every big screen movie talks about with lovely girls and there fairy tale endings. We aren't anyway. A fairy tale. We are more then a written love story with girls and starry eyed boys. We are match made for each other and I won't be told otherwise.
Oct 13, 2014
Oct 13, 2014 at 12:29 AM UTC
If staring at the way he sleeps and knowing his movements make me in love, we'll then darling I'm falling and I would like you not to catch me until I can't see light anymore and my skin and knees are broken and withered away. I want to express all my love I have with a simple touch of of heaven to your heart. I want you're love to be like hell burning with passion towards me. don't you go and throw away what we built with a simple goodbye with your lips and green eyes turning into black with tears and fear drive away. Don't make me think my heart and ears will never love or hear your name again. Don't leave me and tell me you want forever when your forever was only yesterday, touch me with your mind body and soul and give me everything I need to feel at home when your leaving. Give me the love I need to feel my heart is in your hand and it will always be. Let me know that when you leave with my heart it will find a home in you and you will love and care for it as you do when I'm wrapped around you. Let me know you will protect it with your hands and that it will be safe and you will come home to me with mine and your heart together happy. Leaving for a year can change everything but it can change the right things.
Sep 13, 2014
Sep 13, 2014 at 7:50 PM UTC
“Depression does not always mean
Beautiful girls shattering at the wrists
A glorified, heroic battle for your sanity
or mothers that never got the chance to say good-bye
Sometimes depression means
Not getting out of bed for three days
Because your feet refuse to believe
That they will not shatter upon impact with the floor
Sometimes depression means
That summoning the willpower
To go downstairs and do the laundry
is the most impressive thing you accomplish that week
Sometimes depression means
Lying on the floor staring at the ceiling for hours
Because you cannot convince your body
That it is capable of movement
Sometimes depression means
Not being able to write for weeks
Because the only words you have to offer the world
Are trapped and drowning and I swear to God I’m trying
Sometimes depression means
That every single bone in your body aches
But you have to keep going through the motions
beacuse you are not allowed to call in to work depressed
Sometimes depression means
ingnoring every phone call for an entire month
because yes, they have the right number
But you’re not the person they’re looking for, not anymore"
Sep 2, 2014
Sep 2, 2014 at 11:14 PM UTC