If I could explain to you the pain that has filled me since, your eyes would begin to tear. If you could hear the thoughts inside my head, you would begin to break down. If you could feel the deep pain inside my soul, then maybe you could understand.
Losing people is age old. There's nothing new to losing the ones you love. But the pain that is felt is completely and utterly new to those that are feeling it. You can lose a million people and no pain would ever occur twice. Each person has a different meaning or value in your life therefore causing a different sting of pain each time.
To go through life, with an empty hole, never to be filled, is one of the most exhausting trials that consequently never ends. But losing memory of someone screams pain even louder. Losing what means so much, all that you have left, is the most self sacrificing pain you can experience. You've already lost the physical person, now to lose the memories. Like some kind of sick game. All you have left is a recording of a voice that will make you shatter at the first word and pictures where you can't quite remember exactly where you were when it was taken.
Uncertainty can be the death of the ones that survived.
Jul 25, 2014
Jul 25, 2014 at 12:56 AM UTC
50 years old
An age you'd forever dread
If only you were here
To actually experience it
Because at least you'd be experiencing something
Instead of being gone
Cremated into nothing
A bracelet worn on my wrist
Yet still a memory
I'm willing to relive
The pain was so great
But at least it'd be something
At least you were still here
Dying but here
And that's all the comfort I need
In a hospital bed but here
In a daze but still here
Gasping for air but still here
What I would give
To have you still here
May 20, 2014
May 20, 2014 at 1:33 AM UTC
The long winding hallway
Led me to my fate
The unexpected hell filled days
Watching death takes it's toll
Pills and sleep
Gasping for air just to breathe
The tinted windows
The ash filled urn
My mother gone
All pages turned
Four years passed
A void never to be filled
Spoken freely
Yet, unable to rebuild
May 8, 2014
May 8, 2014 at 1:54 AM UTC
If anyone ever made you feel like you're important
Know that you're not
That can change in an instant
One conversation, one person, one decision
All amounts to nothing
All was well
That perfect moment in time
Just to collapse right in front of you
You think that the pleasure was all mine
Just to have you in my life
But at night, you're still by yourself
Alone in your head
Alone in a room full of people
You never could have been more misled
To think that you were important
To think that you were actually worth something
But instead, you continue to put yourself through more torment
If anyone ever made you feel like you're important
Know that you're not
The change in life is always constant
No one can promise you what's nonexistent
It's an overplayed romanticized concept
So remember, if anyone ever makes you feel like you're important
Just know that you're not
The life we live isn't guaranteed
We live alone, we die alone
And alone in life, we will proceed.
May 8, 2014
May 8, 2014 at 12:28 AM UTC