Do I listen to my head?
Should I really be dead?
I try to fight back,
But it continues to attack,
I say it's lying,
Or am I just denying?
There is no point to my existence,
These dark thoughts come at me with persistence,
Hard to ignore,
Loud as a roar,
I'm not sure who's telling the truth any more.
n.l.b
Aug 31, 2014
Aug 31, 2014 at 2:46 PM UTC
This is a hard battle,
I'm trying my best not to rattle,
Split in two,
Who do I listen to?
One says wilt,
And fills me full of guilt,
The other says bloom,
And escape this doom.
A constant game of tug of war,
I'm not even sure what I'm fighting for.
n.l.b
Aug 22, 2014
Aug 22, 2014 at 7:12 AM UTC
I am in no doubt,
I cannot get out.
No matter what I do,
No matter what I say,
I will continue to decay.
I am not even me,
I cannot break free.
I am a machine,
Taking orders off the Queen,
I know she's wrong,
But I'm not strong,
What if this continues lifelong?
With one glance,
I'm under her trance,
A promise of peace,
But the price will just increase,
She takes it all,
Then gladly watches me fall.
She's taken over me completely,
But I just want to be free,
Is it an impossibility?
n.l.b
Jul 30, 2014
Jul 30, 2014 at 1:30 AM UTC
She sits in her cell,
Pretty sure she's in hell,
The walls trapping in the gloom,
How will she ever bloom?
I see her figure slightly behind the imaginary bars,
Arms faintly lined with scars,
Her eyes smeared with black,
Did I just hear her bones crack?
Long black hair,
With an unknown despair,
She could try and explain,
But who would understand her pain?
She regrets her birth,
Knowing she doesn't belong on this Earth,
Drastically misplaced,
Then relentlessly chased.
She drives a blade through her fading heart,
A desperate attempt to stop them tearing her apart.
n.l.b
Jul 20, 2014
Jul 20, 2014 at 9:50 AM UTC
there is no reason at all for me to be alive,
i'm sick of struggling to survive,
i just want to end it all,
i've hit a brick wall.
every inch of my body tells me i should be dead,
and i don't think i'm being misled,
one day (hopefully soon) i will be brave,
and travel to my grave.
i've thought against it for so long,
thinking my thoughts were wrong,
but since i've withdrew,
i realize they're true.
and don't you dare tell me,
that things won't stay this way forever,
because when will things get better? the future whispers to me "never."
n.l.b
Jul 12, 2014
Jul 12, 2014 at 8:05 AM UTC
my chest feels tight,
fight or flight,
i can barely breathe,
and i'm starting to heave.
i can't even begin to explain,
how horrible this is,
i can't concentrate at all,
and i'm starting to bawl.
i feel like i'm dying,
but to be honest,
i'd rather be dead,
than feel like this instead.
n.l.b
Jul 6, 2014
Jul 6, 2014 at 5:12 PM UTC
my body is here,
sat in this dark room,
full of gloom,
but my mind is distant,
almost non-existant.
i don't like this place,
so i'll run this race,
i'll hide away;
the only way i'll be okay.
n.l.b
Jul 4, 2014
Jul 4, 2014 at 3:10 AM UTC
as much as i'd like to be courageous,
this fear is outrageous,
i'm filled to the brim with anxiety,
scared of the world and society.
but what makes it even harder,
is that i'm losing my only armour,
there's an intruder in my head,
it won't stop until i've bled,
and eventually dropped down dead.
i'm becoming petrified of my own mind,
this intruder is so unkind,
and with this fear,
*"you can't hide this time,
you can't avoid me, dear."*
nostalgic,
i used to be so brave,
oh how things can change.
n.l.b
Jun 28, 2014
Jun 28, 2014 at 7:46 PM UTC
that voice in your head is deceiving,
it wants you to think it's your best friend,
but it's your worst enemy.
it wants you to think it wants the best for you,
to help you,
but that voice in your head,
it wants to see you dead.
n.l.b
Jun 24, 2014
Jun 24, 2014 at 6:40 PM UTC
you have to keep reminding yourself,
when you're feeling weak,
that drugs are kind of like an aeroplane,
crashing.
you feel bad,
they'll lift you up,
take you high into the sky,
above the clouds,
where everything is beautiful,
you'll feel better up there,
but it's only short term.
remember,
eventually the engines will start to fail.
you'll be falling at a ridiculous speed,
you'll crash against the ground,
and everything will go up in flames.
and that will feel ten times worse than anything you felt before.
n.l.b
Jun 24, 2014
Jun 24, 2014 at 6:30 PM UTC