I'm drowning.
My hands search for a grip on the smooth surface of plastic
and I don't know what ways up or which way's down
I just know that this emptiness is surrounding me
pressing in
Its cheek up against the window panes that are so thick they block out any oxygen that might offer me a little escape from this hell that is reality and
I'm drowning
I'm drowning in my thoughts my sorrows my whole ******* life and the only thing that was certain is gone and now i've got nothing to catch me if I fall so i might as well just crack my skull at the bottom of this bottomless pit but if I do
If I do
You've already lost so much I can't leave you with another empty space to fill with the minutes and the days where nothing will be right
because your only other clutch is 3000 miles and an ocean away and even if we never got along that's too far and you mean too much because to have your heart ripped in half when your eldest is only 15 is too much for such fragile shoulders to bear and, yeah, maybe it messed me up but maybe it messed you up more
and if nothing else you're important
and maybe it's insane and maybe i'm insane and maybe some days it's all I can do to drag myself out from under the covers and pretending i'm okay is too much for me to bear
but maybe i don't need to pretend because even if this glass case exposes me to the world, bare-breasted and vulnerable even if they tear me to shreds one by one and feast off the meal that my flesh provides even if i'm drowning and it feels like i'll never be able to breathe again
if i can show the world i'm weak maybe it'll stop expecting me to be strong and maybe then it will be okay if i don't want to carry on and hiding in my closet with the blankets over my head will be deemed acceptable if not normal and maybe today's hard
and maybe tomorrow will be harder
but i cling on to the hope that one day the sun will shine again and the glass will break and I will be strong and i will be able to put myself together and wake up with a smile on my face thinking "todays gonna be a good day" and maybe that's not this year or maybe that's not next year but maybe when i get there it will be enough
maybe this will all be worth it
because i'm the shattered remains of the girl you once knew and i'm drowning in the sea of my thoughts but i will take this tape and i will take this glue and i will peice myself together one by one and pretend to be strong for you because
you're the one who needs a hero in this hellhole of a world and I've never been up to the task but if a girl can't save her mother from drowning in the same mess then what is the point of it all.
And maybe i'm the one who's got tears on my face but if i can make those tears fill up a jar and put them on a table then maybe the way the light sparkles through them will be enough to remind me that it's not worth being sad because the world will move on and just leave me behind and it's going, going, going, it's spinning to fast it's going to far
and at any moment i might fly off but my feet are stuck to the ground because i can't leave you.
Dec 10, 2014
Dec 10, 2014 at 2:56 AM UTC
this is the world we live in?
really?
when eating a sandwich
or not even
when holding a sandwich
can give you sixteen shots
when getting down on your knees
gives you a shot through the head
what the ****
God had the right idea.
He should have drowned us all.
Oct 9, 2014
Oct 9, 2014 at 12:28 AM UTC
"Every cloud has a silver lining"
I wonder if I could pry it out
and see if it's kiss makes the red blossom
like I so crave?
"better" doesn't mean "good"
"it's been a while" doesn't mean "never again"
are we ever truly cured?
Sep 16, 2014
Sep 16, 2014 at 1:49 AM UTC
I don't remember the first day I saw you.
I know you were a pink little thing, though
squirming and squealing.
I can easily recall the last.
Calling it a fond memory would be far too much of an overstatment,
now.
I don't know if you want to become a stranger
or if I'm forcing you to.
But either way, its happening
Sep 13, 2014
Sep 13, 2014 at 1:55 AM UTC
You're disgusting
A bottom feeder of the worst kind
A successful one
Who steals from those you're supposed to be close to
And kills them for so much
as following their dreams
I hate you will all my heart
And I doubt that will ever change
Sep 9, 2014
Sep 9, 2014 at 11:06 PM UTC
I've always wondered what it'd be like to run away.
The sun on my face,
The grass under my feet
A world of responsibilities
forgotten.
It sounds like heaven.
But I do not want to become a woman on the streets
covered in grime and dirt and starving.
My fairy tale does not belong here.
It is not a wish that can come true.
And yet I want it more than anything in the world.
Aug 20, 2014
Aug 20, 2014 at 1:19 AM UTC
You spoke of a garden filled to the brim,
Of beautiful foliage and a divine aroma,
Of cascades of colors and an air of grace.
But I slept too late to smell the flowers
They were probably dead all along anyways.
Aug 17, 2014
Aug 17, 2014 at 8:56 PM UTC
Here,
Come and take
My empty heart and silent soul
because to me they mean nothing
But maybe they'll mean everything to you
and If by chance they make your world better
Maybe
That will be worth something
Aug 5, 2014
Aug 5, 2014 at 12:07 AM UTC
On the surface, we're fine
We are friends, we are partners.
Who would know
that underneath that cleverly crafted facade
we're standing here, head to head
unable to move forward.
We are right and we are wrong
we can never come to an end
we can never compromise, it seems
for any little step in my direction
is far to big of one for you
you want exactly what you want
nothing more
nothing less
and anything but is something that angers you
frustrates you
and does the same for me.
You're just as guilty as I
in this deadly game of chess
but where I am willing to bend
your rigidness will cause you to break
Jun 11, 2014
Jun 11, 2014 at 1:54 AM UTC