Cigarette ash stings my finger tips
As I wait in my car
for a boy
The cold winter air caresses my cheek
Just as he once did
Blue and red lights flash across my vision
Reflecting off of dark puddles
Like a movie
In slow motion
they wheel his body away
And I sit in my car
and wait for a boy
Dec 19, 2020
Dec 19, 2020 at 6:29 PM UTC
Falling down the rabbit hole
Endless darkness engulfs me
Is this my eternity?
A back slams hard on the ground
It must be mine
My body vibrates from the impact
Have I finally fallen back into reality?
N O
H E L P?
Eating pills like candy
Sweet and tangy
as they glide down my throat
Sunbathing on a mushroom
Taller than a skyscraper
Blisters cover my skin
Smoking hookah
With the butterfly's from my stomach
The Pansies dwarf me
as the tulips gawk
Their shrill laughter coating my soul
With a heart that's much too small
I bask in white roses colored with my own blood
joining the others in outcast
Aug 16, 2020
Aug 16, 2020 at 10:41 PM UTC
****
Why am i such a failure
I thought
Finally
It'll be better
But it's not
and i don't think it will ever be
Apr 2, 2018
Apr 2, 2018 at 2:08 AM UTC
It's so dark here
In this place that was once so bright
The moment i stepped in
Out went the lights
Mar 3, 2018
Mar 3, 2018 at 12:21 AM UTC
I wake up in an unknown room
With needles sticking out of both my hands and one in my arm
There is a tube down my throat and i cant figure out why im still breathing
I look around with blurry eyes
And here the beeps with foggy ears
I look up to see clear bags on poles connected to the needles
I feel like i can hear the slow drip drip drip of the liquid flowing through those tubes
I know it is impossible but i could feel those drips
They were like tiny earth quakes in my hands
That shook me to my coar
A smiling blonde nurse walks in and takes the tube out of my throat
Her name is McKenzie
McKenzie tells me how I was life flighted to spokane
How i have been in a coma for 4 days
How my heart rate was above 170
How my dog found me
laying on the concrete floor covered in my own ****
But all i can hear is the incessant beeping of machines
All i can hear is the sound of my own failure
I took so many pills i lost track after 150
I could still feel the steel knife against my skin
I was so careful
So sure
Well
They always say third times the charm.
Feb 25, 2018
Feb 25, 2018 at 10:28 PM UTC
I am alone
I think at this point i have become part of the void
I float among the stars
Aimlessly
Thoughtlessly
As i try to keep my grip on reality
It drips through my fingers like oil
cascading into the darkness
Jan 18, 2018
Jan 18, 2018 at 8:24 PM UTC
his lips caress my collar bone
as his hands begin to roam
the sounds of shaking breath
skin against skin
and moaning voices
echos into the stars
inviting pleasure in
his finger tips gripping my hips
are all thats keeping me from floating into space
rough words whispered in sweet tones
are all that are convincing me this is reality
the bruises he leaves behind after he's done
just remind me of what once was
and once they disappear again
i go crawling back for more
Jan 18, 2018
Jan 18, 2018 at 8:12 PM UTC
Who am i too mourn what was never mine
Tears have been shed time after time
I see you driving by
And i cry even though you were never mine
My love was from afar
But you knew that from the start
Like a flame i burned too hot
Scorching your skin when you tried to get close
So instead of wearing heat resistant clothing
You chose to blow me away
Jan 15, 2018
Jan 15, 2018 at 10:41 PM UTC
Stop
Stop it
Stop touching me
Stop talking to me
Stop breathing near me
Just stop
Every brush of your hand
Makes me feel as if there are ants under my skin trying to come out of my finger tips
Every sound you make
Feels like a million birds are screeching in terror
Every breath you take
Is one less time my heart beats
I shake at the mere mention of your name
My body aches from old wounds when i scroll past your picture
My heart races in fear when i see you glance from across the room
I can no longer take this
I can no longer breath
So might as well stop my heart from beating
Jan 15, 2018
Jan 15, 2018 at 10:38 PM UTC
People close enough to feel their breath
Liars and cheaters too close to my skin
Everyone wanting to touch and grab
And even those who don't
Stand much to close
Everyone tearing apart my paper flesh
And lapping up my wine colored blood
Dec 25, 2017
Dec 25, 2017 at 3:29 PM UTC