alaskawolfe - Hello Poetry

I miss how the hours passed—filled with joy, connection, and pride. How the city night lights accompanied me home. The routes, the journey, the walk. How some nights were long, exhausting— And reaching home felt like heaven-sent. I miss the mundane, the routine. I miss living the days I once prayed for. Now I wait—to heal, for time, For the days to pass and release me. A better version—the one I’ve prayed to grow into. How expensive it is to be deserving— Of a better version, a better life. I promise to do better each day. Promise not to let this drag me down, consume me. I promise to savor this: A break that is a gift. And I promise not to regret being given the chance to rest. Learning that I, too, deserve unconditional love. I’m thankful for this pause And I know it will not be in vain. Receiving love does not mean You have to spare your bones for it. I can smell it in the distance. This pause, This current life I’m living. It’s pulling me closer to a better version of me. So now, all I do is try. Survive. And savour this life, The one that’s slow, The one that crushes you on certain days. I promise to survive this. In triumph.

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Jul 8, 2025

Jul 8, 2025 at 11:49 AM UTC

Learning in Pause

I miss how the hours passed—filled with joy, connection, and pride. How the city night lights accompanied me home. The routes, the journey, the walk. How some nights were long, exhausting— And reaching home felt like heaven-sent. I miss the mundane, the routine. I miss living the days I once prayed for. Now I wait—to heal, for time, For the days to pass and release me. A better version—the one I’ve prayed to grow into. How expensive it is to be deserving— Of a better version, a better life. I promise to do better each day. Promise not to let this drag me down, consume me. I promise to savor this: A break that is a gift. And I promise not to regret being given the chance to rest. Learning that I, too, deserve unconditional love. I’m thankful for this pause And I know it will not be in vain. Receiving love does not mean You have to spare your bones for it. I can smell it in the distance. This pause, This current life I’m living. It’s pulling me closer to a better version of me. So now, all I do is try. Survive. And savour this life, The one that’s slow, The one that crushes you on certain days. I promise to survive this. In triumph.

32

the fog casts moons ago, air reeks of insecurities and bad decisions how it leads to regrets, heartache and countless drops of pain. I am aware of the catastrophe that I was easier to rely on the alcohol to forget than bracing through the storms how my safety nets were worn out, strangers hands tired of holding, lover's shoulders are heavy from carrying I was a nightmare I desperately want to wake up from I refused the be the skeleton in anyone's closet I'll take it from here take their hands off my worth, replace it with my own remove the praises , whispers and chants tainted with the goal to score and dismiss the thought that I'm only worthy if I'm loved I'm bidding my goodbye , my demon and I can take it from here I will build a temple out of this body, and I refuse to let anyone gets in my way not anymore.

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Feb 3, 2020

Feb 3, 2020 at 9:33 PM UTC

Catastrophe

the fog casts moons ago, air reeks of insecurities and bad decisions how it leads to regrets, heartache and countless drops of pain. I am aware of the catastrophe that I was easier to rely on the alcohol to forget than bracing through the storms how my safety nets were worn out, strangers hands tired of holding, lover's shoulders are heavy from carrying I was a nightmare I desperately want to wake up from I refused the be the skeleton in anyone's closet I'll take it from here take their hands off my worth, replace it with my own remove the praises , whispers and chants tainted with the goal to score and dismiss the thought that I'm only worthy if I'm loved I'm bidding my goodbye , my demon and I can take it from here I will build a temple out of this body, and I refuse to let anyone gets in my way not anymore.

18

they say you gotta live with the consequences of your actions but they never tell you how to live with a beating heart that's no longer living they said time heal all wounds but they didn't tell about the scars that rings torturous reminder they say take it one day at a time they never say time doesn't exist without you they say there's plenty of fish in the ocean but they didn't tell you the ocean couldn't drown this sorrow now I'm paying the price of loving someone a little much and a little too late

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Aug 5, 2019

Aug 5, 2019 at 11:13 PM UTC

paying the price

they say you gotta live with the consequences of your actions but they never tell you how to live with a beating heart that's no longer living they said time heal all wounds but they didn't tell about the scars that rings torturous reminder they say take it one day at a time they never say time doesn't exist without you they say there's plenty of fish in the ocean but they didn't tell you the ocean couldn't drown this sorrow now I'm paying the price of loving someone a little much and a little too late

10

here I am at the edge of this apology one tap from calling you and telling you how much I miss you. how my hands are shaky, blocked by my own insecurities here i am at the bottom of this ***** bottle tired of being sober tired of not seeing you tired of the fact that I let you go how many times do I have to tell myslef I'll be over you soon how many prayers do I have to make my knees are bleeding and my hands are numb but nothing compares to this ache in my chest how many nights do I have to miss before i can forget the way you say my name the way you held my hand, the way your eyes shudder, when you held me the first time our first kiss i never let any man touch me after you for I'm afraid that they'll brush your scent off my skin, here I am at this cliff where i put you so high say it on a loop, like a broken record I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry that my insecurities put us here that my baggage are just too heavy for you to carry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I've been trying to shut this devil in my head but my flaws blinds me , I could only see my scars and I am ashamed , terrified that you'll look away this skeleton in my closet is my reflection you don't deserve this bundle of insecurity I don't deserve you. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry here I am in our favorite place, coffee cold for the only warmth I want is off your body here I am at this end of this poetry, knees on the floor, hands still praying, heart still aching here I am still, still so in love with you

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Aug 2, 2019

Aug 2, 2019 at 2:38 AM UTC

here I am

here I am at the edge of this apology one tap from calling you and telling you how much I miss you. how my hands are shaky, blocked by my own insecurities here i am at the bottom of this ***** bottle tired of being sober tired of not seeing you tired of the fact that I let you go how many times do I have to tell myslef I'll be over you soon how many prayers do I have to make my knees are bleeding and my hands are numb but nothing compares to this ache in my chest how many nights do I have to miss before i can forget the way you say my name the way you held my hand, the way your eyes shudder, when you held me the first time our first kiss i never let any man touch me after you for I'm afraid that they'll brush your scent off my skin, here I am at this cliff where i put you so high say it on a loop, like a broken record I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry that my insecurities put us here that my baggage are just too heavy for you to carry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I've been trying to shut this devil in my head but my flaws blinds me , I could only see my scars and I am ashamed , terrified that you'll look away this skeleton in my closet is my reflection you don't deserve this bundle of insecurity I don't deserve you. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry here I am in our favorite place, coffee cold for the only warmth I want is off your body here I am at this end of this poetry, knees on the floor, hands still praying, heart still aching here I am still, still so in love with you

38

This is me In the darken room, in a void hiding from your hands Don’t touch me Stop saving me Let my blood flow Let these wounds rip I’m okay I will be okay. I’m putting my foot down. I’ll cut this hair so you’ll stop climbing this tower, I’ll cover my face for I don’t want to be awake to a true love kiss, I will let the spindle of the spinning wheel ***** me and surrender to the curse I’m packing these baggage The one that’s marked trust issues, The one with dreams written all over it I’m bringing it back home Back home to this ribcage So please. Let the darkness of this place shine Allow this sorrow in its heaven My demons can take it from here For I am sorry for the way your arms are covered in bruises Your body became a map of the places you rescued me from Your eyes dry from trying to stay awake on the nights my demon demand to be accompanied That you become selfless just because I was selfish So darling Let the bulb stay burned Leave me in my new home And let your bruises heal This is my fighting ring The one I’ve made you bleed for all these years I will face this nightmare I will let it conquer me I will fall and fight And Ill keep fighting And I will save you from saving me.

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Jul 23, 2018

Jul 23, 2018 at 4:42 AM UTC

Forced a home out of you.

This is me In the darken room, in a void hiding from your hands Don’t touch me Stop saving me Let my blood flow Let these wounds rip I’m okay I will be okay. I’m putting my foot down. I’ll cut this hair so you’ll stop climbing this tower, I’ll cover my face for I don’t want to be awake to a true love kiss, I will let the spindle of the spinning wheel ***** me and surrender to the curse I’m packing these baggage The one that’s marked trust issues, The one with dreams written all over it I’m bringing it back home Back home to this ribcage So please. Let the darkness of this place shine Allow this sorrow in its heaven My demons can take it from here For I am sorry for the way your arms are covered in bruises Your body became a map of the places you rescued me from Your eyes dry from trying to stay awake on the nights my demon demand to be accompanied That you become selfless just because I was selfish So darling Let the bulb stay burned Leave me in my new home And let your bruises heal This is my fighting ring The one I’ve made you bleed for all these years I will face this nightmare I will let it conquer me I will fall and fight And Ill keep fighting And I will save you from saving me.

34

And tell me how do I sleep. Knowing you are someone else’s and not mine Knowing that I will forever be yours Knowing that this house that I build This house with dusts sitting on the other set of china The one i build after tearing down the walls in this rib cage House full of echoes. Spitting regrets on the lawn empty rooms of memories. This house that you didn't come home to Tell me how to shut these eyes when I didn't see you when I should That my heart was too blind to feel yours My hesitance caused ache in this chest The what ifs rings agony, breed chaos on this sanity Tell me how can I dream even there you didn't choose me Even in my dreams you walked past me Even in my dreams you didn't love me back. That I was too late . Tell me oh please tell me How do I stay awake knowing I am never yours and you're never mine.

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Jul 19, 2018

Jul 19, 2018 at 9:46 PM UTC

EVE.

And tell me how do I sleep. Knowing you are someone else’s and not mine Knowing that I will forever be yours Knowing that this house that I build This house with dusts sitting on the other set of china The one i build after tearing down the walls in this rib cage House full of echoes. Spitting regrets on the lawn empty rooms of memories. This house that you didn't come home to Tell me how to shut these eyes when I didn't see you when I should That my heart was too blind to feel yours My hesitance caused ache in this chest The what ifs rings agony, breed chaos on this sanity Tell me how can I dream even there you didn't choose me Even in my dreams you walked past me Even in my dreams you didn't love me back. That I was too late . Tell me oh please tell me How do I stay awake knowing I am never yours and you're never mine.

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