As my body writes with yours
I feel the depths of the underworld
more than the heights of Heaven
that your body survived
before it met mine.
I can tell when the horrors plague your mind
because you don't look at me
when I penetrate you
kissing the pain away
on every inch of your skin,
whispering sweet things to your ear.
So I reverse the roles
putting you on top
and let you vent everything out to me.
Hell hath no fury than your scorn
when you grip my throat,
sinking your teeth into my flesh,
sketching lines on my back, my chest, and my stomach.
When I reach to cup your *******
you catch my hands pressing them into mattress
as you have me watch the beautiful sight
of you climbing the highest point of your ******
without letting me finish.
I don't complain.
I just want you to feel good.
When I'm inside you,
I close my eyes telling myself
to focus only on you
working my hips between your delicious thighs,
careful not to lose the momentum
while questions based on doubt
hang over my head like a dark cloud.
I understand you have your moments
when you're not in the mood
for me to please you.
At the same time I have to wonder.
Is my love, my touch
repulsive? Inadequate?
Is there someone else I should be aware of?
When I'm inside you,
do you see any of those men before me?
Those with and without your invitation?
You bring back to Earth
asking me if I'm okay.
Your hands brushing against my face
like a gentle breeze in the fall.
I want to tell you that I am afraid
of losing you.
But I don't know how to be honest.
I just flip you over
slapping your cheeks pink as a rose,
pulling your hair,
gripping your hips
pounding myself into you
as you claw at the sheets.
You tell me to say I love you.
Being rich would be so easy
for every time I say how much I do.
To make sure you get the hint,
I turn you on your back
holding your legs in the air
hitting that spot
that makes you break the third commandment.
Looking at you in this position
I imagine all the men
who've been in your bed
had you just like this.
Laid down.
But it ends with me.
I pick you up.
Keeping the pieces of puzzle together
with your legs around my waist
carrying your frame against the wall,
pushing us both over the edge,
breaking down the barriers
holding us back from each other.
After all those times
we rocked the boat against the current,
our ship starts sinking.
I deprive my lungs of air
for you to breathe
losing myself at sea.
And you pull me up to the surface
kissing me back to life.
A reminder that our love
is why we're still here.
We lie side by side.
Your flesh and my flesh.
Staring at each other as if it's our first meeting.
Silent, bare, exhausted.
The bedroom smelling like us.
And in that moment I know
with all my being
I got nowhere else to go.
Because where I belong is right here.
Not inside you,
but with you.
And I don't ever want to leave.
Apr 9
Apr 9, 2026 at 9:30 PM UTC
Dear God,
I can't sleep
I am alone and lost
in my own thoughts of worry.
Overthinking about the worse
of what I believe will happen tomorrow.
And I am tired.
I want to sleep, but I can't
because I don't know what to do.
I'm trying to survive
putting my mind into that mode
Staying alive,
keeping food in my stomach,
paying my bills,
seeking a job
all at the same time
and I am so tired, Lord.
I've been doing this all on my own
telling myself to toughen up.
Focus on what matters.
Shut off my emotions.
Hold the tears.
Trust my own instincts
because I've relied on You too long
and I felt like You abandoned me
when I was at my lowest.
Just like the others
I once knew and trusted.
I know it's not Your fault.
You are not to blame.
My choices meesed me up.
I wanna go to You and ask for help
but I still feel like
I have to go through this all on my own.
After all
You did give me power to help myself.
And as always I keep messing up.
I'm sorry I disappointed You.
I wish I could stop sinning
but I keep failing and wasting Your time.
That's why I never allow myself to come to You.
I don't deserve Your help.
I deserve to be in this predicament
I put myself into.
I can't atone for my sins.
I can't find redemption.
Not without Your help.
That's why I ask You.
Please.
Give me strength because I am tired
and I can't sleep.
Please God help me
because I need you
and I can't sleep.
I know You can hear me.
I know You're there.
I wouldn't talk to You
if I didn't believe.
I strayed from my faith
but not in my knowledge of You
And I know Your listening.
I'm tired.
I'm not in peace.
I can't sleep.
Apr 8
Apr 8, 2026 at 2:37 AM UTC
"Leave me alone." You said to me.
And I did as I was told.
Keeping my distance miles and miles away from you
without my voice, my presence, my thoughts.
But I'm afraid I need to close the space between us
just this once
and ask that you hear me out
before I continue living without you
in this lonely world.
It's not your sympathy or forgiveness I seek.
I'm not asking you to love me
or let me love you again.
I need you to understand
how hard leaving you alone is.
Leaving you alone has been the worse pain killing me
more than loving you ever was.
Everyday I commit myself to leaving you alone
putting my feet deep in the sands of time
I think would help erase you from my present day,
but instead
I find myself in circles leading me back to you.
If there was a God,
He would honor my request to take my life
lest I be spared of this curse.
Yet it serves me for losing my way.
Losing you.
Losing us.
Memories infect my brain
of our first and last times.
In my dreams,
you're at my bedside telling me
everything will be alright. We can be fixed.
And when I wake up,
you're not there as you were in our morning routine.
You're scent still lingers on my pillow adding salt to my wound.
I look back at pictures of us on my phone
and they stare back at me as if to say,
"Look what you've thrown away.
Was it worth it?"
I revisit every place
where we shared a meal,
laughed, talked, kissed, dance, made love.
I'm so pathetic
walking by your job building,
stopping by your house to see
if the light is on in your window
placing my hand against your door.
The same door I can't knock on
because it will never open up to me again.
Even if it did,
you just see me as the stranger I turn myself into.
I check text messages I sent you
with read receipts as your only response.
Perhaps I should be grateful
you even saw my words.
I even wrote this poem.
All this to make sure that you're happy.
Even if you're not with me
and probably with someone who loves you
better than I did.
I can spend the rest of my life
redeeming myself through countless actions
until my debt is paid.
Waste my breathe with explanations and apologies,
whatever it takes to bring us both back home.
But you don't have anymore energy to fight with me.
I drained you of so much.
Now you see.
I can't leave you alone.
But this time I will.
Just look me in my eyes and tell me,
even now as of this very moment
after everything we ever been though
say that you don't love me anymore.
Finish off my suffering with those words
and this will be my final appearance.
I promise.
But I can't promise that I will stop loving you.
No matter where I am or what I'm doing, you are
my prison, my life sentence.
My torture, my execution.
The punishment I deserve.
Apr 6
Apr 6, 2026 at 3:09 AM UTC