It is not a stab but a sudden pull.
I once was okay at the thought of your going
until it hooked on my sweater and
unraveled
it quicker than I could cut the string.
I do not bleed
but I undo.
I unbecome.
May 25, 2025
May 25, 2025 at 12:27 AM UTC
Without time to myself, I lash out.
With time to myself, I fall apart.
Within time to myself, I break down.
Without time, I’d be happier.
I’d be happier if I ran out of time.
One day, I will be able to count on myself to self-soothe
Instead of calling you a little after midnight
and still being upset.
Dec 26, 2023
Dec 26, 2023 at 10:58 AM UTC
I punish myself to make up for your forgiveness.
there is some visible part of Me that needs the pain.
i wouldn’t say I am masochistic or a sadist
Each evaluation of self proves both true instantly.
I don’t know if I have it in me to keep working on myself.
I just want to please us.
Aug 23, 2023
Aug 23, 2023 at 2:29 AM UTC
I shiver at the thought that one day
you might become the one that got away.
If self-fulfilling prophecies lay their claim,
I have sent myself to a early grave.
Aug 16, 2023
Aug 16, 2023 at 2:01 PM UTC
under closely monitored air conditionin
knees weak under warm street lights on cool nights
talk about runnin away n runnin from talkin
you gave me a heart attack sayin you were staying
You have a way of always saying just what Im thinking
unless the thing that I’m thinking bout is you
Sometimes I wonder if you can read my mind but never told me
cuz its a lot safer to pretend that you dont have a clue.
I’m ghost writing for a bird who cant read the lyrics
and swallowed her tongue when she saw you with her
Im a ghost riding down the street where we grew up
without glasses or wheels or air
I skipped four meals cuz you talked about her eyes
but i guess that means that were the same after all
Jul 1, 2023
Jul 1, 2023 at 2:04 PM UTC
i would like to pretend
i can stay put,
my heart is full and rooted.
i feel my love has grown great arms,
branches stretching to embrace the enormity of your passion.
even still, the seed blooms.
i will never out of shame
and also of guilt
and partially of care
but not of love.
i fear i begin to understand my parents
both of them sinners
does that make me a monster?
Jun 29, 2023
Jun 29, 2023 at 12:32 AM UTC
It’s been a long time since I’ve seen your smile.
I can feel us change over time
But there is something more than time between us.
More than distance.
Back then, we danced between sparklers and slides and sunny afternoons
Only the sun above us and our future ahead.
On that big hill, we huddled our knees together like little kids
Hiding from the rain and the resonance of Graceland Too,
but you’re the only one hiding now.
I can’t rescue you and I can’t find you.
Back then, I would have cried till I went blind.
Now I just cry.
Jun 25, 2023
Jun 25, 2023 at 5:31 PM UTC
I look to the ocean straight above my head.
It envelops me, above and beside.
It consumes me, under and inside.
I could lay seaside for an eternity.
The sun dips out the lake and into the sky,
a bright orange orb drips from the clouds.
Pour into my hands so I may sip you from my palms and taste the stars.
Relief, I have found everywhere I stand
because dust was made in your image.
What could beauty could stand without bearing your resemblance?
What could possibly be without you?
There is no world I would not find you in my heart.
Jun 20, 2023
Jun 20, 2023 at 1:36 AM UTC