I want to have courage and confidence in our marriage,
That no matter what happens, you will be there,
Beside me.
You are not the one that has made me doubt.
I've gathered the doubt from
Countless places
And years of experience.
Like mineral deposits, it will take time purge,
To chip away at the worries and anxieties.
I'm glad we've started that clean up.
I want to feel Freedom
Of always knowing you have my heart,
That your hands treasure that gift and
Keep it close.
That you will not push me away.
I want to able to take you for granted,
But to never choose to do so.
I want you to know how closely I hold you in my heart,
That I will never let you go.
I love you.
I love being your snuggle bug,
Your lover,
Your wife.
It still feels like a dream, being in my shoes,
The greatest dream I have ever dreamt.
Thank you for not fading,
For not drifting away when I wake.
I want that continued courage and confidence
That you will always be there
As you promised you would.
Forever.
Jun 14, 2019
Jun 14, 2019 at 8:43 PM UTC
I am scared to ask.
Patience, waiting.
That is what I have learned in this trial.
The need for constant guidance.
I try to learn more of how to reach out,
Reach up!
Feeling the pain,
Agony,
Bring me to my knees.
I receive strength from Thee.
But receiving the answer I am searching for,
Waiting for,
Praying for...
Feels like too much at the moment.
How do I develop that Kind of Faith?
Sometimes I feel I have the faith of Peter,
Thinking that I can walk on the stormy sea.
Then why,
Why!
Is the answer that I want,
The answer I need,
Too hard to ask for?
I sink down into the water.
To be healed, like
The blind man,
The *****
The woman, with an issue of blood for twelve years,
I've only waited two so far.
Will I need to wait ten more? Or greater?
I have faith that I can be healed by Thee.
But I am scared of reaching out and touching the robe of my Savior.
Maybe...
Maybe...
maybe...
I should start by praying for the courage to
ask for an answer.
For then I will have strength enough to
Ask for the answer He has for me.
Jun 14, 2019
Jun 14, 2019 at 8:07 PM UTC
Things are better now.
My other half, my dear,
When you stay, when you hear,
I know you are with me.
I'm scared.
I don't want either of us to leave,
I would fall apart
Because I am in love with you. Forever.
I will stay here with you
As long as I am allowed to linger.
Hold me closer,
Hold me tighter,
The way that you cherish me.
May 24, 2019
May 24, 2019 at 9:08 PM UTC
Smiling has never been easier because I can remember how it feels to be in your arms.
And I know you are like me:
You want to have this love forever.
I am found. :)
May 16, 2019
May 16, 2019 at 7:00 PM UTC
I am the red rose on the counter
slowly wilting, rotting away.
The life inside me is vanishing,
Drifting away,
Lukewarm.
Is this depression that I'm slipping into?
May 16, 2019
May 16, 2019 at 6:56 PM UTC
My dear Faithful Husband
I hope you know
My goal is to never take you for granted
I cherish you always
I love your scent and your smile
You make me happy
Your arms keep me warm and safe
Protected when you are near
I love you my darling dearest
With every breath I take and beyond
Jan 5, 2019
Jan 5, 2019 at 2:31 AM UTC
Just another day.
Weeks have gone by with me in this funk.
Don't know what I'm doing.
Don't know where I'm going wrong.
Waking up is worse than falling asleep.
Nightmares next to my patient husband.
Drained more than I started with.
Cannot remember what went on.
Days and days, just another day.
Just another.
Just...
Jan 5, 2019
Jan 5, 2019 at 2:21 AM UTC
Don’t try to pretend that you were in my place...
The circumstances... yours weren’t mine...
being emotionally abused by the only one i felt like i could trust
who made me think he trusted me.
being sexually assaulted and then living with that FEAR.
Constant.
Pressssssssing.
learning that my temptation to cut is a need for adrenaline,
Not a need to cut the pain away.
what does cut to the core is
After I learned all of this about myself,
You let me know
“you hurt me and everyone around you”
“your tendency to lash out prevents trust”
THIS is different than depression
Even if the symptoms are similar.
I needed to trust someone who was safe then,
But no one was emotionally available for me.
Not even you.
When you sat typing on the computer and calling me annoying.
i was crying out for help.
please don’t pretend now.
Oct 11, 2018
Oct 11, 2018 at 3:51 PM UTC
Hold me closer
My Darling Dearest
Every night
As I try not to fall apart,
But it was never your fault that
I feel sad.
The love I have for you is deeper than you can imagine.
Oct 11, 2018
Oct 11, 2018 at 10:12 AM UTC
I still find it hard to speak.
Tongue is twisted,
Guts knot,
Heart aches.
How can I describe.
How would one understand,
The feeling of disintegration,
A dissipation of numbness.
Why would one want to understand?
Why you?
How can I describe...
Oct 1, 2018
Oct 1, 2018 at 7:48 PM UTC